It was June 6, 2006. The sun was out, it was a very pleasant day for a drive in the woods. I had picked up my friend from downtown Santa Cruz, kind of a strange kid obsessed with music and really strange things that I can’t even try to comprehend or explain. We often call each other making plans that never go through, but occasionally we’ll get together and do things out of the ordinary. On this particular day we felt we should do something to commemorate the fact that today was 6/6/06. It didn’t really make a difference to us, but it was pretty hyped up on television.

I am always the driver, seeing as I’m the only one with a car. I usually just drive around the county, going from little town to town and trying to find something for us to do. I decided it would be a grand idea to drive into to Felton and Ben Lomand area. Basically, I drove out way into the middle of the woods where all the hicks live (and about half of my friends). There’s a spatter of small mom and pop shops every here and there, but other that it’s all redwoods, houses, creeks and when you get farther out a mass of dilapidated shacks rotting in the woods with characters resembling those from the movie Gummo. If you haven’t seen this movie, I really suggest that you do. You’ll have a really great picture in your head about what I’m talking about, listen to a great soundtrack that consists of underground hardcore, and probably have nightmares and stay up thinking “Thank God I’m not a typical American!” And if you do happen to be a typical American, I suggest you rethink your lifestyle.

So, as I was saying I’m with my friend driving through the woods. We got to the main part of Ben Lomand which is a street with about 20 different small businesses and a Home Depot. “Ah,” my friend shouted, “a thrift store! Let’s see if they have anything good!”

I pulled into the thrift store parking lot, we got out of the car and went on in. The thrift store kind of smelled like old ladies, but it wasn’t that bad. Most thrift stores tend to have that smell. My friends eyes lit up as if he’d just found the most amazing thing ever. “What did you find?” I asked him.
“I found a children’s bible favorites CD! Can we listen to it in the car?”
“Sure,” I said, laughing.

The thing about us is we’re really not the church-going type. I personally don’t believe in religion, but don’t really feel the need to knock those who are religiously inclined. I don’t believe in organized religion, I believe in personal spirituality – but that’s just me. I gave my friend a dollar to buy the CD and we were off again.

Driving down the road we spotted two boys hitch hiking. They looked about ten years old, and shouldn’t have been hitch hiking so I said, “How about we give these boys a lift?”
“Sounds great.”

The boys got into the car and were pretty quiet. “Where do you kids need to go?” I asked them.
“Just about five miles down this road, we’ll tell you when to let us off.”
I started driving and my friend put on the bible favorites CD. The music sounded like… jungle music with bird noises in the background and cow bells with some douche singing about the ten commandments. “Hey boys,” my friend said, turning around to face the kids in the back seat. He put on his deepest and most intimidating voice and said, “Have you heard about the teachings of our lord Jesus Christ?”
“Yeah,” they both chimed in together.
“My family doesn’t go to church,” one boy said.
“Well,” my friend said, “It’s about time they start thinking about it. Today is the day of Satan, and he will rise again! Now, I think the best way to protect yourselves from Satan is to listen to the teachings of our pal and friend for life Jesus. Such a savior, such an awesome guy, right?”

This banter went on for some time, and the kids were pretty scared. “Hail Satan!” We yelled out the car as the little kids went on their way (they had us drop them off across from the police station, I felt a little bad. Kids shouldn’t be hitch hiking, maybe they’ll think it over next time).

As soon as we dropped off the kids, we saw another hitch hiker. The same thing was repeated, and when it was over, yet another hitch hiker!

When we tried to give one guy our Jesus speech, he started asking us what church we go to and maybe we could go to mass sometime. We picked up a Christian boy fresh out of the Army who preached and preached the gospel of Jesus. Ten hitch hikers later we parked in front of the high school and blasted our Children’s Bible Favorites until a security guard told us to leave.

On our way home we spotted a guy with some piercings and tattoo’s trying to hitch a ride on the side of the road. I mean, what the hell, one more won’t hurt. We pick the guy up and tells us to fuck off with the God stuff and we laugh and then he laughs. He told us he was a glass blower and invited us back to his shop and said he’d teach us how to blow glass. We smoked a lot of weed with him, he seemed to have a bunch.

Back at the guys shop he showed us all kinds of crazy glass figurines that he had made, that were somehow made to be smoked out of. It was pretty cool. He also showed us this bike that was some revolutionary type of bike he was making that would change the world. Gotta love it when people actually do things. We listened to the Red Hot Chilli Pepper’s, Blood Sugar Sex Magic album. I swear that’s an album that no one can argue with… And if you argue with me…

All in all I thought it was a pretty good 6/6/06. I saw the omen that day and I wanted to cry because it was so terrible. Well, it was pretty funny actually.

Hail Satan!

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