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Here's the stuff we found when you searched for "Or better yet, "thrilled when so-and-so told me of your opening for a ______"

• I got the feeling the Fairy Council was mad at me when the president knocked over her coffee to get a better grip on my neck
• When I was little my mother told me not to sit close to the T.V., so when I was six I did.
• Give me head or the monkey gets spanked
• Your piercing intelligence would undo or invigorate me
• The Weddings I have Performed, or Why God is Gonna Kill Me
• The stone that told me
• Sunrises are the best when you haven't gone to bed yet
• I look better when I am wet
• Ask a fish what water is. Better yet, ask a wave.
• A lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying
• Thought experiment on a boring Tuesday (or, When the world lasted 20 minutes)
• I can't decide if what you're saying is too profound for me to comprehend or just insane
• The Mobility Divide: or why I want you to give me $20,000 in the 21st century
• When life gives you lemons, grab it by the throat and demand better
• Give me assembly language, or give me death!
• You left me, a 36,000 lb truck fish-tailing in the mud. This is not heartbreak. This is better.
• Is it better to try to improve yourself, or to accept yourself as you are?
• Even I laughed at me when I built this cross-species genetic analyzer. Well I guess I showed myself!
• Know me better, and love me better
• better off with him than here with me
• I remember when it was me who made her skin flush
• Is it me or are there more bisexuals these days?
• I cried when I wrote this song, sue me if I play too long
• I must die or be better
• Fuckin' Jesus told me to betray the conspiracy
• Forgive me for who I am when I wake up
• Victor Burczyki, a man who once bought me a beer and told me this story
• Better him than me
• You touched me when I needed to be touched, and for that I will hold you in my heart forever
• People deserve good life time and personal loans or student loan will make it much better. Because people's freedom relies on money.
• When your presents give me hives
• I remember when it was me who made her toilet flush
• Saddest thing a woman friend ever told me
• What do you know of me, or I of you?
• No one asks me if I'm a Satanist or anything because I take the precaution of wearing a predominantly flannel and hawaiian shirt-oriented wardrobe
• She told me I looked like a Henry, and this is how she would know me
• everyone who ever told me i was pretty was lying.
• The pros and cons of leaving your computer on
• May the world be a better place when I wake up
• Give me Liberty or give me death
• You've Asked Me When I Came to Town
• What the dust told me
• Encyclopedia Brown taught me everything I need to know about opening doors
• Tell him, she told me
• You Better Watch Out, or the Insects Will Get You
• World, take care of me. You don't owe it to me, but I don't know any better.
• Women want me when I'm taken
• So I was balls deep in the guy's ass that night when he turns to me and asks for a kiss. Damn. What a fag.
• boss i wish you had told me
• Put That Thing Back Where it Came From or So Help Me
• The sheer fact that I'm in a developing country should make me a better person, yes?
• Here's your chance to live through me, to right your wrongs or wrong my rights
• Drugs Or Me
• a light wind is enough to make me smile or cry
• A Better Version of Me
• The drunker I am, the better I am at pool. Or is that the other way around?
• How to get Apache to tell your visitors when files have moved or been deleted
• Ruining your illusions of me. Or cementing them.
• There are other things I haven't told you yet
• Changing Your Life For Free (Or, 12-Step Programs?!: WTF Is In It For Me?!)
• When people say "All-American", they seldom mean me.
• Give me chastity and continency, but not yet
• She is stupidly keeping herself a secret, when I know she has sparkly things to show me
• Made direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others
• The cactus that told me my mom was asleep
• Lies My Teacher Told Me
• These trains will be the death of me yet
• They grow up. No one told me.
• Also, when I am angry, my eyes flash fire, whether I growl or not.
• When or Not, Make it Great
• When You Said, "Remember Me"
• Is that massive cerebral hemorrhaging, or are you just happy to see me?
• Don't touch me when I'm on a boat
• When I asked Anna to marry me
• He made me promise I would do this when I was next sad. So I promised myself I would not be sad again.
• Is it fair for him to love me when she craves his touch?
• give me the truth or nothing
• Everything Quest: You kids stop your fighting or I will turn this car around so help me God
• There are more and better reasons to dislike a human being than race or religion
• when you're ready to touch me again
• He comforted me when he thought I needed it, but never when I really did
• man when you are telling me how it was
• What are you in for,cybercriminal? Hacking the sun? Freaking a planet? Technomurder? No. A century ago I told a man to kiss me on the peanus
• When at last I found no further traces of the living or the dead, then I stopped.
• Don't touch me when I'm screaming
• She dumped me when she found out I'd been faking my Scottish accent
• I don't believe in God or the soul but these machines can make me cry
• Lies my Spanish teacher told me.
• They might not need me - yet they might -
• She told me to say that
• radios work better when closer to her skin
• I'm trying to see little old ladies as versions of my mom; it helps me be a better person
• Hugs and drugs are better than hugs or drugs
• I will REMOVE your "All your radical touching base are already occurred to the lesbian monkey puppy" philosophy on me if you don't eat my soy google balls, hatt-baby. Real or malarky?
• Lies my physicists told me
• makes me want to be a better hacker
• If you told me this never happened
• The annoying kid told me to kick him so I did
• You gave me wings when you showed me the birds
• A lie only hurts when it's told by people you care about
• Jesus' blood never failed me yet
• Or he'll just kick me in the face and scream abstract noises and dance around outside in his underwear and have sex with the neighbor's dog and try to fly by jumping off the toilet
• Give Me Powerpuff Girls Hentai or Give Me DEATH
• Is it you, Sir, who cut me? Or is it I who cut you?
• Stand up for yourself, OR: How I got the shit kicked out of me
• I always told you I thought you were smarter than me
• For future reference, when in eternity or insanity; dreams I would like to have
• Call me back when hair starts growing on his palms
• There was a time when I was a better person
• Aristotle's Lost Library, Medieval Andalusia & Chinese Paper, or How Europe Learned to Learn Again and Why the Renaissance Happened When & Where It Did
• I take a long time to ejaculate. Do I have a problem?
• you can only make me dizzy if you're spinning me in leaves or snowflakes
• What the scroll in the cave told me
• Love Me or Leave Me
• I need these blue and black halos for comfort, to remind me where I am, who I am, when I am
• I told her I could read her mind, but she didn't believe me. I could tell.
• Just when scratch pads couldn't get any better... (document)
• Late-night rally driving on the beach, or: Run like Hell when the cops come
• Temporary Insanity, or The Weekend Is Not Over Yet (document)
• a tech support story that a friend told me that you might find amusing
• Whereas a Naked White Man, when I met one, always appear'd a new Object unto me
• How Could You Want Him (When You Know You Could Have Me)?
• The Important Stuff (or, Has Nobody Really Asked This Yet?) (e2poll)
• My brother never told me not to smoke. He showed me.
• She told me I'd make a good Satan
• when strangers tell me to smile
• What will happen to me, when you die?
• Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
• She's smarter than me but she's also more quiet, therefore she has no personality which makes me feel better
• Do you love me or are you in love?
• I was throwing around useless proverbs when all she needed was to be held and told that she was beautiful
• Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me
• When we was fat ( ... or, Lord Gym)
• Is it better to run or walk in the rain?
• You knew I was a rattlesnake when you picked me up
• lies the cheesemonger told me
• Somebody told me a story. It was pretty but boring. It was Saturday night, my stories usually end up that way.
• If not me, who? If not now, when?
• If poetry could describe the way you make me feel, poetry would be illegal. Or anyway I might get arrested.
• I was a homeless bum
• Bitch! I told you to stop callin me! (user)
• You should have killed me when you had the chance
• Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry
• I remember when it was me who made you want to take over the world and enslave humanity
• someday, when she will think back upon the time when she was as yet undishonored
• I Hate It When It Happens To Me
• Seven opening lines if he would ever look me in the eye
• For Better or For Worse
• Jiffy Pop, for better or for worse?
• Is Everything2 making me more or less intelligent?
• You're either saving my life or you're killing me. I haven't decided which.
• I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me
• It's Me or the Dog
• When writers use Latin
• I want to be a whale when I grow up. Or a squid.
• Love at first sight OR Girls who are Boys who bring thoughts of philosophy and anthropomorphic hermaphrodism: A Story
• Too many mes
• or maybe a calm voice, that accent you don't think you have
• Pity Me, My Love
• My SUV makes me feel important!
• The Death of St. Narcissus (Or, A Love Song for St. Sebastian)
• Don't call me Asian
• No rhyme or reason
• The Tesla Coil made me cry, but I got a free lunch out of it.

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