user since
Tue Apr 30 2002 at 11:45:26 (12.5 years ago )
last seen
Fri May 30 2014 at 14:14:16 (4.9 months ago )
number of write-ups
42 - View OneDragons's writeups (feed)
level / experience
1 (Novice) / 810
mission drive within everything
To enligten the masses about the truth of Martial Arts, and any other TRUTH of which I understand!
specialties
Jiu-Jitsu / Biology
motto
Shit 'll be cool !
most recent writeup
November 30, 2002
Send private message to OneDragons

One of my nodes in the making is immunization which is down as a save, I appologise for its slight delay, but I will eventually write it, hopefully doing it justice. lkijljj

One of my recent things I seem to have started is editing new users work, many people will write a very good piece of work, only to get downvoted and recieve a visit from Klaproth because of formatting. This should not be viewed as a negative thing, but as an opportunity to grow and improve as I believe I have. As dem bones said "if you advise a new user mention Klap - he ain't evil, he's your brother".

Early on this can be incredibly furiating and I was given pointers at an early stage, so I will do what I can for others. If I message you about grammer or format, I am gunuinely trying to give positive and helpfull feedback (I am gratefull when I recieve it); if you cant realise that then I will downvote you myself.

As you may have noticed, the two central subjects I write about is either Molecular Biology or Jiu-Jitsu. I am presently learning (learning is a never ending process) two styles of Jiu-Jitsu, I hold a second degree black belt in one and am a 4th Kyu in the other. I graduated from a Molecular and Cellular degree course last year and am currently in my first year as a PhD research student in England.

I am however always looking for inspiration of any kind for new nodes, so please ‘inspire me’ .
You can either /msg me or e-mail at OneDragons@hotmail.com

Any node suggestions welcome or anything you want to know about my specialities, I will do my best to enlighten you.

Nodes I would like see are:
Kung-Fu Vs. WuSu
reply I got on the above point -
Glowing Fish says And Gong fu means "perfected skill" in anything. Wushu means "martial arts", and I think the implication is that it is non-practical skill.
Glowing Fish says Gong Fu, Kung Fu is also an acceptable way to spell it. Gong means "skill" and fu means "mastery".

I found out from a friend that WuSu or WuShu is the demonstrating form of kung-fu, kind of like the art in isolation of the martial art. If you know more, please node it


A thankyou to my Mentor lagrange, nice to have someone to draw experience from!

Nodes to check out

Flossing your nasal cavity with a piece of spaghetti

Note to new noders - avoid punch thyself like the black death, till you get a lot of XP's at least. Sounds stupid, but I seem to learn only by experience (luckily I had ammased a lot of XP's before I got hit).


This is my general use blank section, awaiting to be written in:
- kinda like a space left by me, for me!
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Cool's These are here as a record of what order they came in, not to show what got cooles (I could tell that by simply looking through my list)

Cool Man Eddie says Hey, OneDragons, Hexter just cooled your Black belt writeup, baby!
Cool Man Eddie says SharQ just cooled your writeup on Can we cure AIDS?, baby
Cool Man Eddie says Yo, the entire node Can we cure AIDS? was editor cooled. You have a writeup in there; your reward is knowing you're cooler than liquid nitrogen.
Cool Man Eddie says Posmella just cooled your writeup on Can we cure AIDS?, baby
@ Cool Man Eddie says Teiresias just cooled your writeup on Polly the Sheep, baby
Cool Man Eddie says Mitchevious just cooled your writeup on Can we cure AIDS?, baby
Cool Man Eddie says Dreamvirus just cooled your writeup on Can we Cure AIDS?, baby
@ Cool Man Eddie says TheDeadGuy just cooled your writeup on Potential dangers of herbal medicine, baby
Cool Man Eddie says taschenrechner just cooled your writeup on Naginata, baby
Cool Man Eddie says Gritchka just cooled your writeup on Alpha Ketoglutarate Dehydrogenase - Links Krebs Cycle to Amino Acid production, baby
Cool Man Eddie says SharQ just cooled your writeup on Alpha Ketoglutarate Dehydrogenase - Links Krebs Cycle to Amino Acid production, baby
Cool Man Eddie says SharQ just cooled your writeup on Activated carbon, baby
Cool Man Eddie says SharQ just cooled your writeup on Herbalism - Complementary Vs. Conventional Medicine, baby
Cool Man Eddie says TheBooBooKitty just cooled your writeup on Partial pressure, baby
Cool Man Eddie says Jurph just cooled your writeup on How the body creates energy, baby
Cool Man Eddie says JayBonci just cooled your writeup on SCUBA, baby
Cool Man Eddie says Palpz just cooled your writeup on SCUBA, baby
@ Cool Man Eddie says dotc just cooled your writeup on Wakazashi, baby
Cool Man Eddie says SharQ just cooled your writeup on NCBI, baby
Cool Man Eddie says The Alchemist just cooled your writeup on How the Body Creates Energy, baby Cool Man Eddie says iceowl just cooled your writeup on Breakfall, baby
Cool Man Eddie says WWWWolf just cooled your writeup on wakazashi, baby
Cool Man Eddie says Byzantine just cooled your writeup on Naginata, baby
Cool Man Eddie says Trina just cooled your writeup on suicide genes, baby
CoolManEddie says Yo, the entire node Gene Chips was editor cooled. You have a writeup in there; your reward is knowing that you're cooler than liquid nitrogen.
Cool Man Eddie says iceowl just cooled your writeup on Evolutionary genetics , baby
Cool Man Eddie says Lometa just cooled your writeup on kata, baby
Cool Man Eddie says SharQ just cooled your writeup on History of Jiu Jitsu, baby
Cool Man Eddie says Nero just cooled your writeup on History of Jiu Jitsu, baby


Noders to look up for good reading

SharQ
Nesdroc
perhapsadingo8yrbaby

Day logs

19.5.02
Well I always want to say stuff I cant node, so I now have somewhere to write my mindless drivel! I appologise for any non-sencical ranting which may or may not follow.

Hmm, prob. wont have anything to say now, ahh well, we shall see what happens!

20.5.02
I seem to be living in constant rear of my life going down the tubes, I have a poster presentation tomorrow, hope the printers dont screw it up. A lot of other posters have come a bit weird, mine relies heavily on colour effects, so if there is a slight mistake its screwed.

Then I have the joys of returning to experiments that dont seem to work. hmm, will I get everything sorted out in the fullness time?
AHHHHHHHHHHH, I have been told I have 1 1/2 hours to finish this humungous report otherwise I dont get registered!!!!!!!!!

23.5.02
Well, the registration document is complete, the poster was finished and printed out on A0 paper, yet didnt really seem to come out as well as I thought it might. Ahh well at least they are now outof the way.
At present my supervisor is away which is a bit of a problem as nothing seems to be working at the moment, which somewhat limits my work options.

15.6.02 WOOHOO!!!!!!!!
I got to work as a rodie for Wheatus. I may do a day log about this, we shall see.

8.7.02 Well I just got back from a wedding in Scotland, spent the weekend in the middle of nowhere on the west coast with my girlfriend - fantastic.

.

Weirdbit


This is a collection (with no editing as yet- written by various authors, each (seemingly) with there own rules of grammer and spelling) of writings from my first year in Uni. bear in mind it spans a time of 6 to 9 months.

I make no appologies for what follows - it's not really supposed to make sence - well sort of. If you have any comments or questions about the writing which follows I would welcome them. Do you think a cleaned up version is worth noding in one / several nodes? anyway, get sureal and read on

(Disclaimer - The story is fictional, any resemblence to actual people is co-incidental)


~ = BV Hello reader.
(1)
It is presently 07:15 in the damn morning and I am still up after a heavy ganja session. I have been informed that I am going to get breakfast in some cafe about three miles away. Which is something I am not overly extatic about doing, cause its a hike. We have been back for about four hours and everyone has either passed out or close to it. I think its a fucking miracle I can still type.
(2)
here i am again in wills room absolutely fucked and he's telling me to write shit on the screen
(3)
seventeen hungry elephants went for a swim and were raped by a large hallucigenic dolphin named ralph. they got pretty scared as well they might, however once their ordeal had ended they turned into extremely hungry fish. then out of the blue came a cat with large hair. Nobody actally gave a shit because they were all completely stoned out of thier faces, but not interested in wierd shit they all decided to run for president of the usa......daft bastards!
hello MY NAME IS TREVOR. I HOLD THE WORLD RECORD FOR NOT HAVING A SHIT FOR TWENTY-NINE DAYS. IT HURT LIKE FUCK BUT I GOT PRETTY FAMOUS FOR IT SO I'M WELL HAPPY WITH THE SITUATION.
COOL........
(4)
BUT THE dolphin decided to reenter the equaytion and cause some more serious fucking shit by returning to have a serious gangbang with the elephants who really enjoyed it.

(1)
I am really really screwed at the moment and Chris has just lit a powerfull lighter and taken half of his face off. Match of the day has just come on and it is daylight which is really weird. Chris is now gibering horendously about a refferee course. Sharad has just come back round again from his coma.

It is only 07:45 and Neil is trying to leave, he will however not pussy out by going to bed.

Chris has a violently horific hatred of Derby F.C. and their supporters, apparently they are all sheep shagging bastards and should all die of AIDS. Sharad has not spoken for about half an hour and is starting to frighten me.

Neils just fucked off and its only 08:20 in the morning. I am currently occupied in teaching Chris how to use an ash tray cause he putting ash all over my damn bed.

Adam has just reappeared from his room at 08:30 after spending the night working.

(5) I went to Nottingham last week, but I couldn't get anywhere because of all the sheep. They are fucking evrywhere, even up your nose. Oh and I saw Chris shagging one in the Victoria Centre, I tried to rescue the sheep but he beat me up with a large wet kipper and tried to rape me, so I ran away. While I was running away, I bumped into Will and he was trying to shag 3 sheep at the same time. I tried to explane to him the physical problems asociated with this 'act', but this was lost on him and he tried to rape me too, so I ran away even faster. I arived in Mongolia within about 10 seconds.

The Great Green Arcleisure from Beetageluse Five Said to the Sub-Syclic Normality Asertitron from the Gamma Quadrant that Zaphod Beblebrox is a Froody Dood with two heads and three arms.

(1) - Me (2) - Sharad (3) - Chris (4) - Neil (5) - Adam

COOL EH. FUCKING MASSIVE WRITING SO FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (2) SHARADS BIT
DEAR FUCKED UP PIECE OF WRITING I AM BACK AGAIN I AM STONED AGAIN. DECIDED TO GET ADAM FUCKED AND HE IS HE JUST KEEPS REPEATING SHIT ABOUT HOW TO SAVE AND IMPORT PICTURES INTO FILES, BUT I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT BECAUSE HE'S A PREHISTORIC MONKEY FROM SHEFFIELD. CHRIS I'M THINKING OF YOUR MOTHER RIGHT NOW....................WILL I'M THINKING OF YOUR DOG RIGHT NOW AND THAT IS YOUR MOTHER. I CANT BE BOTHERED TO WRITE SHIT ABOUT JAMES BECAUSE HE'LL PROBABLY START CRYING......!!!

GROOVY GROOVY GANJA.

My head is your mother and your mother is a rhinosaurus. Sharad has no concept of humour.I love you Mary Jane!!! Shes always in my brain and it helps me ease the pain. Sharad is also a registered alcoholic. Adam however is just from Sheffield and is bald.

One day whilst sitting in my bedroom I noticed the pale greens and lite blues I floated out of my window and through the clouds, I sat on the wing of an airliner and waved to the people inside who all looked very strange and reserved.

I Fell off as I looked at the seagulls and dropped down to the market frightening the old ladies with my large testicles.

I would just like to say that Adam is a trouser ferriting homosexual with no more right to live on Gods earth than Post Man Pat and his fucking Black and White Cat , and I hope pigeons shit on him whilst he's riding his bike to University. Also his Mother doesn't give as good head as Chris's mother does . Adam is completely stoned of his fucking tree and this combined with his Sheffield lingual skills means that he can't pronounce anything at all .`

(5) Dear Fucking shitty arsed reader, who has been sad enough to buy this book, I would just like to say that james isan in bred homosexual, genesidal, idiotic, FENDER BENDER that cannot help speaking UTTER SHITE. His mother shaged the Elephant Man, and out popped the result, james's brother. The Elephant Man shaged Mr Hide and out popped james.

ADAM HAS NOW LEFT THE COMPUTER.... aBOUT FUCKING TIME TOO. Isn't life bizzare. The other day i was walking down the road and an enormouse sharad head landed on top of me, now normally this would not bother me but its my time of the month so im a bit on edge. Anyway to continue the story (sorry for the pause but the reefef just reached me) I quite frankly shit myself, and promptly legged it at high speed towards the nearest Bulldog shop, but to my horror the bloody thing was closed. By this stage I was scared witless , well any decent human being would be, well with an enormous head bouncing down the road towards them. WILLS LOOKING GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 15

Anyway back to the issues of today... The new floor 4 sign has been erected and Adam has just suggested that we steal the old one.

FUCK ME. There has just been a huge explosion in the room. will was messing about with a lighter and a huge fireball flew across the room and killed a small Polish peasant boy who had been trying to steal Wills milk for the past three weeks. Whilst most people were pretty sad Will was bouncing around calling "HORAY HORAY THE LITTLE FUCKER IS DEAD AND FUCKING GOOD RIDDANCE THE LITTLE CUNT!! FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE

WILL + LIGHTER = TERRIFYING ORDEAL FOR MILLIANS


bye.

After some consideration and logicall analysis ( induced in the meditative state induced by consuming weed and nearly having my fucking leg set on fire ) I have come to the conclusion that Williams fire related affliction can only be cured by either sending him to ARSONISTS ANONIMOUS or Killing the stupid fucker for almost killing us , burning down his room and the building . ( although this may have benefits such as seeing MR BEAN become a human torch , its FUCKING INCONSIDERATE to those poor fireman , as if they didn't have enough to do anyway rescuing Old biddies cats out of fucking trees).

FUCKING COOL, MAN.

IM BACK. THE NIGHT HAS PROGRESSED IN A RATHER PREDICTABLE, YET COOL MANNER. EVERYONE SEEMS TO HAVE BECOME GANJA FUELED ROBOTIC DOGS' PLEASE RELEASE ME, LET ME GO.
I'VE GOT A BRAND NEW PERRY DIGWEED WOULD YOU LIKE THE KEYS.
James has just pointed ot the fact that tommorrow is friday the 13th, this has caused much anguish amongst the hoards of japanese tourists who are camped in the corridoor singing hi ho silver lining and waving small flags which read "free Myra Hindley.
Strangely Adam has gone to rescue them wearing his pants on his head and carrying a banner which contains the classic line "Oi you ugly rabbit where the fuck is my shed"
WILL IS DEAD WILL IS DEAD WILL IS DEAD HELP IM GOING MAD GET ME OFF THIS PLANET BEFORE MY HEAD IS COSUMED BY A GANG OF CANNABIS INJECTED FLEAS AND MY BALLS BECOME INFESTED BY A VIRUS SPREAD BY ANAL SEX BETWEEN HUMAN BEINGS AND MICE. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM!!!!!
Its now Sharads turn so I must leave the computer and try to end Wills ridicolous idea to go and play football. BEWARE THE CRAZY PEOPLE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rIGHT FINALLY CHRIS HAS GOT OFF THE COMPUTER AND HE'S ASKING EVEYONE FOR JAMACIAN RUM CHOCOLATE AND APPRANTELY JAMES IS FAILING MISREABLLY WITH THE ROLLING MACHINIE.WE ARE LIVING THROUGH THE TWILIGHT ZONE HERE, APPRANTELY ADAM 'S CLOTHES ARE TURNING THEMSELVES INSIDE OUT. ALAS I HAVE TO GO DEAR FUCKED UP PIECE OF WRITING I SHALL BE BACK MANY TIME ------ FUCKED UP.

i LIKE TO SWIM WITH BIG GREEN FISH. Ah We are all dead and there is a fit bitch on the screen Chris has just died horifically and has fallen of the bed and is lying there gibbering. He is very fucked and is singing adam we love you. James is sprinkling water on chris and he said I love water and after he got a pint of water over him is screaming hysterically. I have just found out that during this ordeal, Sharad was burning his feet. Chris is now saying please stop that as James has started sprinkling water again.

Today has been oficially anounced as a national bank holiday called NATIONAL PICK ON CHRIS DAY. He has so far been kicked off the bed, burnt twice and had fluid dribbled on his face twice by James, and the day is still youn. It is only 4.45 am, there is still 19 whole hours in which to pick on him. Will is currently rambeling on about "Getting Down To The Music". He has also just built an EXTREEMLY week reef which has just reduced James to a QUIVERING MASS OF CHOCKING HUMAN REMAINS. He had just managhed to recover when Sharad insisted on giving him a blowback. There are no words to describe his present condition Sharad has just come out with the shock confession that he "likes to connquer beastly women, and Chris added to this conversation by saying that he has nat had a pis for 11(yes eleven) hours, then started rambeling on about Rumpelstiltskin which Sharad managed to misspronounce as Rimplyskinflint.

Yeahhhhhh MOn, what an absoloutly fucking amazing discovery. We got the munchys and decided to go on a mission to the garage, but Will decided, in his infinate wisdom that we should go to the second one. He offered no rational or coherant explanation for this decision but we decided to follow him anyway. We purchased our munchies and were about to leave when the seedy little wizened old pervert decided to sell us porn mags over the counter for a Qid a piece, an offer which we could not refuse.

Upon returning to preview my purchase, Idiscovered that it is complete and utter shite. I've seen more porn in a kids comic. I will at some point return to demand an exchange in return for not grassing him up to EVRY cunt in Huddersfield, Chris has just confesed to being a Lesbian traaped in a male body and James, having not recovered fully from the enormity of his last hit has just started choking again

And me, I am a Mysteron disguised as Luke Skywalker and my mission is to kill Captain Scarlet with a Peperami so that I can invade the groty planet Earth and wipe you all out! ! ! ! What is all this crazy shit Adam keeps coming out with, whatever happened to the likely lads, and most of all where is Hannibal from the A-TEAM, the last I heard he was running a bed and breakfast in Stratford-Upon-Avon.NEWSFLASH........... FISH ARE TO BE PURCHASED TOMMOROW AND JAMES IS GOING OUTSIDE TO SEND MESSAGES BY WAY OF SMOKE SIGNALS AND NOW HES GIBBERING ABOUT WINDMILLS AND SEMAPHORE.
FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH stop going on about fish youre getting on my nerves... Adam has just told a horrific lie, he claims that this morning he actually listened to the radio. Any decent human beiing knows that this cant possibly be true as Adam at the time was mugging old ladies to fund his 'HEALTHY COCAINE HABIT'
DRUGS ARE COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WILL IS FINALLY DEAD
NO HES NOT ..
The argument continues....
"If im dead you must be a fucking bongoholicphosphorus-dinosaur"
"Listen tosser" replied Sharad "I have seen enough dead people in my time to know when some mother-fucking nigger like you has drawn his last breath and is preparing for the short happy first class voyage to the pearly white gates of heaven, or, worst luck, the very long one way ticket ride to the devils playground, and you are fucking like that right now so unless you want me to ram a red hot poker up your arse untill it knocks out your back teeth you better play dead. DIE MOTHERFUCKER."
will shoots sharad.
Entire cast exits stage left.

ACT TWO SCENE FOUR:

avon(NEWSCAST) CHRIS HAS JUST BEEN BEATEN SEVEARLY BY JAMES AND SHARAD WHICH IS THE AMASING NEW TWIST IN THE DECLAIRATION OF THE NEW NATIONAL BANK HOLIDAY, NATIONAL BEAT CHRIS UP DAY.

The format has changed, the story will now be projected in a public house in Sheffield using top class PORN STARS, instead of a grotty little backstreet brothel in Nottingham using second rate whors as extras. I am now convinced that the city of sheffield has no education system. adams spelling is fucking abysmul (or however the fuck you spell it) will has just recieved a valentines card and no-one knows who its from, i personally know for a fact that its from his mum. CUMPUTER, PRODUCE SOME GANJA!
PLEASE!
OK fair enough. Adan is now claiming that Bob Marley does nothing for him despite the fact that for the past three years he has been living in a wigwam which the Right Honourable Robert Nesta Marley has been paying the rent for. WILL HAS NOW REPLACED THE MUSIC WITH SOME UGLY NOISE, HE ALSO LENT OVER ME AND WHISPERED "COOL TUNE" JUST BEFORE SOME HORRIFIC ATTACK ON THE EARS COMMENCED. ALTHOUGH ITS NOT AS BAD AS SOME OF THE USUALL SHIT THAT ESCAPES FROM HIS ROOM

PHONE FOR WILL PHONE FOR WILL PHONE FOR WILL PHONE FOR WILL PHONE FOR WILL PHONE FOR WILL PHONE FOR WILL,
phone call: "Could you get all the lads on your floor to check under thier doors?"
OK.
YOUR OUT O' THERE
James has just been oficialy expelled from the 'REEFER CIRCLE'
There are many words to describe James's present situation, here are but a few, BANISHED, BARRED, KICKED OUT,

IT IS NOW A NEW DAY AND WILL IS HOLDING A "CIGAR SMOKING,CARD PLAYING GET DOWN", AMONG THE HONORED GUESTS ARE SHARAD, CHRIS, NIEL, MYSELF AND THE GANJA CIRCLE REJECT WHO WILL BE DOING A BILL CLINTON IMPRESSION. THIS SHIT IS ALL GETTING WAY TO FUCKING SERIOUS, DRAWING MONY FROM THE BANK AND ALL THIS SHIT.
40 BIZAR CIGARS
ALL THIS LAST CARD SHIT IS GETTING TOO SERIOUS FOR WORDS, BUT I HAVE FINALY WON A FUCKINK GAME, SO JUST FUCK OFF. THERE HAVE BEEN MANY ARGUMENTS ABOUT THE LAST CARD, BUT I STILL WON SO THERE.
LETS GET TOGETHER AND FEEl alright.
i once knew a chap called james
who had a penguin full of brains
he set it alight
it went oops in the night
and went skating away on a train.

Welcome to Hollybank, it is Saturday !4th of February 1998, Valentines day. Much concern spread around earlyer on this evening, as Naz gave us all horrifically pornographic cards. I HAVE NO MORE TO SAY ON THE MATTER.

This evening has been something of a letdown after last nights ordeal as we have had fuck all alcohol and fuck all Ganja. We were reduced earlier to crawling round the back of the social hunting for magic mushrooms, alas these never materialised.

CHURCH SCRIPT.
COOL EH.
LIZARD
12 MONKEYS
GEESE
FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD
SHARAD IS NOW FEEDING THE 5 THOUSAND
WARDROBE
COUNTRYSIDE GATES
COWS
TOSSERS
@bbc.co.uk.cbbc
OLIVER HARDY

I HAVE BEEN SITTING HERE CONTEMPLATING THE FACT THAT WE HAVE NO DRUGS AND ITS PISSING ME OFF. LONG LIVE THE GLUE. I SHOULD STOP WRITING NOW BECAUSE ONLY FUCKED UP PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO WRITE IN THIS PIECE OF WORK AND SADLY I'M NOT TONIGHT.......................................

WE'RE JAMMING WITH CHRI'S GUITAR IN WILL'S ROOM.

HERE WE SIT AND CONTEMPLATE , SHOULD WE SMOKE OR MASTURBATE !!!!!.

Many abject apologies for the vast expanse of time which has elapsed since the last time we could be arsed to put any shit down on the computer. But what an eventful period of non-communication it has been.

The month of march has got of to a cracking start, after the final explosion of the tosser james, which occured in my room a few days ago.

the aforementioned tosser had one hell of a night.
i shall now consult the rest of the group to decide how the immortal information is portrayed.
step one of james' collapse

neil claimed wrestling was a superior method of handbags at ten paces whilst will wholeheartedly disputed this argument. anyway the inevitable meeting of disciplines took place on the front "lawn" during which neil displayed a clear distrust of jamses refferreing capabilities. this, quite frankly, pissed james off, so before the final onslaught began he was already on his way to humiliation. a humiliation which was to increase tenfold by the end of the night.

step two. the bet.
James comes in a bit pissed off about the last incidence but he's chilling at the moment in chris's room. at this point naz walks in and the night goes down hill for james. I heard earlier james got off with deena this is just general gossip so i decide to confront the muther fucker about this, james nods...(later i found out he didnt but he's thinking i'd look cool and nod). Anyway at this precise moment naz adds well she kept her bet then. I turned around looked at james and he had the expression of a man who had just shagged liz hurley and found out it was his mother with a liz hurley mask on. cool... chris has just revealed that he's was past his sexual peak before h e lost his virginity. wicked,,heeee haaaa.
chris was just being conratulated on his bucket techinique when he died and said "see you in a bit and disapeared in the far regions of what we like to call wills room.

AT THIS POINT I WALKED IN (ADAM) AND STARTED TO GIVE james SOME SHIT. I ACCUSED HIM OF SOMTHING WHICH HE Avon.NEWSFLASH Chris is a 'BUCKET MONSTER' OBVIOUSLY DENIED. SO I KEPT ON AT HIM AND INTERMISSION, SHARAD HAS JUST INDULGED IN A LITTLE BIT OF THE NEW OLIMPIC SPORT, 'CHRIS TIPPING. AND BY THE WAY, I HAVE JUST NOTICED SOMTHING RATHER ODD ABOUT WILL HE ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLWAYS DESCRIBES ACTIONS VERY, VERY SLOWLY AND ACCURATLY IN TERMS THAT ENYONE, EVEN A THREE LEGED, CROSS-EYED ZEBRA FROM NOTTINGHAM could understand, ENYWAY, WHERE THE FUCK AM I, YEAR, HE FINALY ADMITTED GUILT WITH SOME FEEBLE ATEMPT TO CLING''''''FUCK WE ARE ALL GOLDFISH, WE HAVE A 3 SECOND BRAINSPAN AND LIVE IN A BOWL IN RICHARDS ROOM..... FUCK OFF WITH ALL THIS BULLSHIT, I'M TRYING TO TELL A STORY.....TO ANY REMAINING SELF RESPECT. WHICH WAS VERY FEEBLE

CHRIS, THE BUCKETMONSTER, GREASLEY DIES.
DENIED BY CHRIS, OF CORSE

if you notice this notice, you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing.

AAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
HA ha I am currently enjoying another session in Holly Bank.
But alas I shall be forced to inflict the session on many people furyther afield. This is cause I got thrown out for being a naughty boy!

Ah..... FUCK.......THAT CAN'T HAPPEN.......FUCK......THEY CAN'T CO-EXIST.....................SHIT............FUCK.............. .....................................................................THIS SHIT AINT APENIN......................... THIS'S FREEKIN' ME OUT.

Ah, shit, I'm a fuckin' five year old ........ .....whasupwidee.....ouwashewi washi wi ersen ( tyke )

llanfairphilgogherishndrobill-llantissiliogogogohh ( welsh )

pommes frits und ein bier, bitte. ( german )

je-voudre un' kilo du pommes......., or mr osbourn ( frog )

SEESHIES AND POG MA THON........................( IRISH GALIC )

It has come to my attention that sharad has been consorting with the enemy. He has been caught calling for Jenifer too many times. It is our decision that he is way out of order and is sucuming to the forces of EVIL. HE SHAL BE SEVEERLY REPRIMANDED.

ben chord..........................................( hindu ) finally the tosser Adam has let me put my edition on to the computer log Will has just given me shit for going on his fuckin' keyboard all the fuckin stoned bastards are now reading my notes Will is slowly loosing his mind along with Sharad and Chris is just sitting there looking like a confused vegetable they are shouting "Chris is a toad "
Will is having a house warming at ashenhurst but sharad refused to go but he's only teasing. We are now talking about adams future . He's talking bolloks as are all the others now the prat sharad is trying to prove that he has no penis but we all already Know that.
Sharad is now standing up and is looking like a lost sheep sharad is now challenging adam to a duel now they are talking about sharads sword. Seat bullshit is still going on sharad is panting bang, bang, bang and something about ripping adam.
the conversation is now on bungee jumping sharad wants to go absailing i suggested jumping off hollybank.
will is talkink bullshit and talking about adam naked sharad wants to see his mumand everyones mum naked the conversation is now on breastfeeding Will is confused about breastfeeding apparantly he was breastfed from his mums left breast.
sharad is still standing. i've just castarated everyone in the room but they've come back to life oh shit the hindu's were right reincarnation does happen.
sharad is still standing #
adam is a virgin
sharad wants to stand naked
Will is talking bullshit and laughing horribly.
sharad is still standing the duel has not taken place.
will says get busy with the duel Sharad is caressing adams hair the duel is now taking place.
chris says he is not a virgin but we do not believe him. he believes he lost his virginity with his right hand his mother and father did notthe duel is taking place in the corridor will is attempting to commentate adam is trying to get sharads leg ove r i think he wants to lose his virginity.Any way back to chris and his right hand apparantly his parents gave him no sex education. they all walked in panting especially sharad,
sharad is now standing the time is 10 past 2 will is now throwing everyone out he does not value our friendship sharad has offered to tuck will in bad will says its not happenin.
the party may move to chris room .
sharad is commenting on wills state of mind will is offering chris a short friendly contest i think he's talking about his penis.
arse, neck, face.

Where's the fuckin' ashtray, you filthy mother fucker.- I have no fucking idea so I sorry I can not fucking help you. Luv Tasha

I have just found the ash tray, it is on top of the television. again, luv tasha sharad has nicked my seat-dggrfgfgh\rshgrso0

sharad is talking bolluks
the room is occupied by adam h ,adam (stupid), phil, andy, chris greasley, sharad bhardwaj, will meehan, tasha tagoe, nazia hussain.

will is insisting on throwing us out. adam hills mc.mc. mc. giving it large on the bong.

pj pagemate.? is wearing socks matching with his shirt. Shhhraaaaad is giving it large on the bong. HMM NICE ! Chris is sitting in the corner not saying very much. STONED ! WICKED ! Naz is being very loud as usual. Tash is as pissed as a drunken FART. CHILLED, COOL ! Adam (Northen £8.50 for a towl LIKE), thinks that English basketball is better than American basketball, which in my view is realy, realy, no realy, no seriously realy not true. This passage is also being written at a time when the floor four corridor smells seriously BAD ! This is beleived to be some milk that has gone off, but realy it is james' boxer shorts that he left in our eating area, because he has a fetish on the colour of the walls in there. Naz is pissed and handing her fags out left right and center ? yes I did get one. This may be the last time that i write shit like this on a computer but i must admit that i am quite enjoying it, i may have to start writing a computer journal. Sell it then become a milyonair. I personally thought that TITANIC was quite a good film although i did not cry. I witnessed the spectacle on the biggest multiplex screen in the UK, WOW ! Phil has has red slinky eyes, the usual posture. *Phil has actually made a positive point in a conversation,

FAB The Crazy People : THE CRAZY PEOPLE ARE THE PEOPLE THAT OPERATE ON A DIFFERENT LEVEL FROM THE REST OF US. WE OPERATE ON A HIGHER LEVEL THAN THEM BECAUSE WE THINK MORE IN DEPTH ABOUT SUBJECTS THAT ARISE IN DISSCUSSIONS. tHE CRAZY PEOPLE CAN NOT SEE THE WAY THAT WE OPERATE SO THEY SAY THAT WE ARE THE CRAZY PEOPLE. wHEN REALY WE ARE THE NEW GENERATION, AND SHALL LEAD THIS GREAT PLANET INTO A BETTR FUTURE. FOR ALL OF IT'S INHABITANTS. adam hills (hollybank 13/3/98).

I WASH MY HAIR WITH WASHING UP LIQUID, OR, IF THE OCCASION ARISES AND IM CLEAN OUT OF SHAMPOO AND WASHING UP LIQUID I USE SOAP. UNFORTUNATELY OTHER MEMBERS OF THE GROUP FIND THIS WEIRD. UNLIKE ME THEY WERE BOUGHT UP IN WEALTHY FAMILIES WITH YACHTS IN THE MEDDITERANIAN. THEY ARE NOT ACCUSTEMED TO THE POVERTY IN WHICH I WAS BROUGHT UP, RATS WERE OFTEN ON THE MENU IN OUR FAMILY AND ON SUNDAYS DAD WOULD GO TO THE LOCAL PARK AND TRY TO CATCH A BADGER, THIS PROBABLY MATERIALISED ABOUT ONCE EVERY TWO OR THREE MONTHS, SO YOU COULD PROBABLY SUM UP MY NUTRITIONAL INTAKE SIMPLY ASKING A ZOO EXPERT WHAT A RAT IS MADE OF EXACTLEY.

ANNUAL HOLIDAYS IN MY YOUTH WERE USUALLY TAKEN DOWN THE LOCAL TIP. ON GOOD YEARS DAD WOULD FIND AN OLD WARDROBE OR SOMETHING WHICH WE WOULD THEN RESIDE WITHIN FOR THE NEXT TWO OR THREE MONTHS UNTILL THE LOCAL COUNCIL COTONED ON TO THE FACT WE WERE MESSING UP THEIR TOWN AND WOULD THROW US OFF THEIR LAND. WE PROBABLY LIVED ABOUT FOUR OR FIVE MONTHS OF THE YEAR LIKE THIS AND SPENT YHE REST OF THE YEAR FORAGING IN THE WASTELANDS OF DARKEST NOTTINGHAM TO BE PRECISE THE MEADOWS.......

THE FIRST TIME WE CAME INTO THIS AREA WAS 1984 AT THE HEIGHT OF THE MINERS STRIKE, DAD BEING A MINER WAS PRETTY PISSED OFF AND WAS WELL UP FOR A FIGHT. ANYWAY WE LANDED ON THIS FEILD IN THE WOMBLECOPTER AND HEADED RIGHT FOR THE WHEELIEBINS WHERE WE HOPED TO FIND SOME TASTY MORSELS FOR LUNCH. BUT NO NOT IN THIS WHEELIEBIN THIS ONE CONTAINED OVER 3000 ENORMOUS THREE HEADED DOGS. ONE LOOK AT THESE AND QUITE FRANKLY WE SHIT OURSELVES AND LEGGED IT TOWARDS THE NEAREST ANIMAL RESCUE 0CENTRE WHERE AFTER BEING HAILED AS NATIONAL HEROS AND HAVING INJECTIONS TO MAKE SURE NONE OF US HAS RABIS, WE WERE TREATED TO A SLAP UP MEAL OF BEAN BURGERS AND CHIPS.

CHRIS MOVE OUT THE FUCKIN WAY PLEASE, GO FUCK YOURSELF THEN.

I AM NOT WALKING BACK, O.K. SO GO GET BLOWN BY A SHEPARD! Will has just moved into his new abode and has already made a lasting impression on his flatmates.
He has invited all of us round for a "sesh".
My butt cheeks hurt-fuckin basketball! Has anyone found my spatula?
Ed is very stoned he he he!
edward is watching Andy being very stoned, and writing strange comments on the computer. (V. Hemmingway!-Ed)
I'm not stoned, just bored to fuck.

One day I'm going to take over the world! and everyone will have to dress up as farmyard animals, talk backwards and play crockette. Oh, and eat cucumber sandwiches.

( V. Oscar Wilde)Ed. i'm bored,i'm bored,i'm bored,i'm bored,i'm bored,i'm bored.

LOOK! REALLY BIIIIG LETTERS, COOL!

THAT'S SHIT, I'M NOT MARYIN' YOU ENYMORE.

I'M MARYING HIM NOW

As usual james was not taking back on the reefers, so we made him do two buckets. He is now dead on the grass, halfway down the hill at Ashenhurst, which has officialy designated as SHIT.
You can't dile out from your house.
chris trying persuade everyone we're having a shag. and we've turned up the music to drown out the noise.
we finally have our food and john is annoying me by disturbing me whilst i am doing my piece so please leave . i'm waiting aso wot go away please . john has just made a bitchy comment and walked out i don't think he's very impressed with me but never mind shit happens.
anyway i am sitting here very content eating my margerita pizza it tastes okay but could be better.
it is now past three and nothing interesting is happenin i am rather full now but I've not finished the food .
i still do not like wills new place or his neighbours,
TONIGHT HAS BEEN PRETTY BIZZARE. WILL HAD BEEN CLAIMING THAT HIS NEW CHUMS WERE HEAVY DUTY GANJA SMOKERS, BUT THEY'RE NOT. THEY'RE CRAP.

QUAK

CHRIS IS TRYING TO SET FIRE TO WILLS SHOES AGAIN.

iF YOU CAN READ THIS, THEN YOUY ARE EITHER GREEK OR VERY, VERY SAD.

tHIS IS A LOAD OF CRAP!!

DO YOU HAVE GEESE IN YOUR DREAMS?
WOULD YOU LIKE MY SHIRT?

WILL IS GIVIN' IT VERY FUCKIN' SMALL, HE'S FUCKIN' ASLEEP.

BERYL HEROIN - BEZ'S REAL NAME

Greetings readers I hath returned and am writing in my new abode- the basement.

Maghullian Marijuana culture during the middle to late nineties.

The original concept for my begining this writing is an incident caused by heavy Marijuana abuse with a felow herbal warrior called the T. (Ahh!!! 'tis true - T)It was discovered that by travelling along the path of wrath, which led through the grass of mass you would reach the tree of Delta G and the tree of Entropy. Once this place was found by walking the path of wrath, there was much excitement and rejoicing. After wading through the grass of mass we approached the mighty trees and marveled how disordered the tree of Entropy was. Once ( current news flash from john- i just really fucked up a three skinner) (should have used rizla+ -T)
we found the trees we noticed that the two mighty trees and another formed a triangle ie there was a corner.-

The corner story

The corner was a sacred ritual of the reffer. Once the reef was coming to an end the 'MURDERER' would find some form of corner and stand on it, kill the reffer, throw it to the floor and shout in a musical way

"I am the murderer, on the corner"

and appreciation of the depth and passion of the statement would be made. (in abundance, and much fucked laughter - T)

Anyway within the triangle or as it became known as 'the eternal triangle', a reef could be smoked under both trees and then killed in the corner. within this whole concept of oneness was brought the GPC, this became an integral part of the unity.

The G.P.C. story

One night whilst very stoned I decided to copyright 'GREAT PAIN' therefore if someone felt great pain they would be in breach of copyright by authority of the Ganja and would therefore owe me thirty pounds in stirling (this point was very important). On a continuation of this theme the Great pain clinic was formed or the G.P.C. In this establishment the clientel or victims dragged in from the street and given a menu of various torture methods with a possible side salad. They would then be charged thirty pounds stirling for the delicous pain and would be very cool, especially for me.

T's Contribution to the Ganja story:

to take will the warrior's points a stage further, it is necessary to conider a wider picture of both society, and our role in the universe. the grand scheme of things may be divided into four main sectors:

the gpc,
the ganja sector,
the people sector,
the energy quadrant.

Tonight there will be a duel. 'Sir Builder' will take on 'The Skinhead One' in one on one armed combat. Only one shall return. It shall be hereby refered to as 'The Gunfight At The Ashenhurst Corale' and the victor shall earn the saught-after title of 'Fastest Gun In The North.'

James is a first class queer of the most perverted order. Yet again Sharad has pulled a puff.

This is a very fucked up statement but i ashure you reader it is very true.

the statement by Sharad given at 12.25am on the 26 of march 98.

"I love Wills music".

interview terminated thats all we need to convict him of this hedious crime.

I've been looking for an origional sin'
One with a twist and a bit of a spin'
Because I've done all the old ones
'till they'v all been done in'.
Endlessly searching and i'm gone with the wind,
Endlessly searching for an origional sin........

I think that will would look good with Pig Tails.

......and I think Ive just found it. 'The Ultimate Rolercoster' is a possible description, with a view to match

I'm going' to 'write a very important book on the meaning of life. Its going rival Darwin's 'Origin Of The Species as a milestone in published philisophical debate.