A wonderful, wonderful song dealing with deep theological issues, designed to be sung while sat around campfires in the company of either drunkards or Scouts.

It is sung in the line/repeat form, and people take turns to lead the singing when they themselves have come up with a particularly scintillating verse. For your edification, several examples of such verses are included below.

Verse:
SOLOIST: Oh, you'll never go to heaven.
CHORUS: Oh, you'll never go to heaven.
SOLOIST: In a baked-bean tin.
CHORUS: In a baked-bean tin.
SOLOIST: 'Cos a baked-bean tin
CHORUS: 'Cos a baked-bean tin
SOLOIST: Got baked beans in.
CHORUS: Got baked beans in.

Chorus:
ALL: Oh, you'll never go to heaven on a baked-bean tin, 'cos a baked-bean tin's got baked beans in.
Oh, I ain't gonna grieve
My lord no more
I ain't gonna grieve my lord
No I'm never gonna grieve my lord
Oh, I ain't gonna grieve
My lord no more

Other verses include:

Oh you'll never go to heaven
On a bumble bee
'Cos the Lord ain't got
No TCP

Oh you'll never go to heaven
On a jumbo jet
'Cos the lord ain't got
No runways yet

Suggested by A Scar Faery:
Oh you'll never go to heaven
In your girlfriend's bra
'Cos your girlfriend's bra
Won't stretch that far.

Oh you'll never go to heaven
In the Old Ford Car
'Cos the Old Ford Car
Won't go that far

New ones are fairly easy to make up on the fly, but when the attraction is waning, tradition states that you must finish with the two Final Verses, the paragons of hilarity:

If you ever go to heaven
Before I do
Then dig a hole
And pull me through

If I ever go to heaven
Before you do
I'll dig a hole
And spit on you

Hilarity ensues.

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