Ode to a Cup of Coffee

I stared deep down into my dry coffee cup,
And said to myself “Hey, what the fuck?”,
Is it half empty, or is it half full?
The damn thing’s drained empty,
Make another you fool!

So I ran to the pot to find it sucked dry,
And sloped back to my desk, but then what did I spy?
Sitting on someone’s vacant grey desk,
But a lonely hot java, sitting at rest,
I glanced ‘round the room, and no one could see,
So quaffed of my fill on the sweet hot coffee.

On my way to my desk, I heard a loud start,
And got such a fright, I let rip a huge fart,
The smell wafted over, to the scene of the crime,
And the coffee-smelling fart, was revealed to be mine,
I’d been caught by a colleague, he’d set up a trap,
And was asked to explain, and then take a crap.

I rent red in the face, and I felt my ears flush,
And then suddenly remembered, and took off with a rush,
I’d just sculled a whole coffee, and had a buzz-on,
There’s no way he’d catch me, before he blinked I was gone,
I ran ‘round the room, and let out a great roar,
But when I came down, I crashed on the floor.

I lay down there panting, my body a wreck,
And who should walk over, but that pain in the neck,
He said “You drank my coffee, why’d you do that?”
Then hocked up a loogie, and spat in my face,
I wiped off my face, and said with a grin,
“I’m your manager you fool, and what trouble you’re in!”

Then I planted my foot up the ass of that git,
And heard the other workers’ pants fill with shit,
From that wondrous day forth, and right up ‘til now,
The coffee pot’s full, and there’s never a row,
And there’s a cup of hot java, on everyone’s desk,
For me when I’m passing, ‘cause I am the best!

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