Oh, man, what's up with life?
Once again my brother AKA demon spawn child has forced me to alienate myself infront of my closest friends. My brother is 19, he acts like he's 12. While it hasn't been confirmed most of our family feels that he's suffering some sort of social disorder. All day today he has made it a point to make me out to be a slob, a jerk, lazy, stupid, or mean. While I can be all those things, I'm normally just apathetic. So for whatever reason today, I suppose because my friends have been around all day, giving him an audiance, he's been on a war path to embarrass me in front of them.

I am secure enough in my relationships with them to know that they know me better than he does (we havent lived togethr in a very long time until he moved back here). So after several hours of taunting and torment I stood up at the dinner table and said "I'm sorry, I'm not going to sit here and put up with this from him any more tonight" and came back here to my room with my dinner which is on my bed getting cold. This did 3 things: It made me look like a martyr, it forced me to concede victory of class I suppose, and it totally ruined my night. I'm afraid to go back out there because I did kind of blow up, and I don't need critisism from them right now. Another unexpected result, a first as far as I know, is they actually defended me after I left. I find this rather suprising, normally when this happens they sit around and go on like nothing happend. See, no matter what I say, no matter what they see, they for some reason, REALLY like my brother.

The only lame thing really was that Julia came back here telling me to come back and eat after I made it quite clear that I could not tolerate the abuse that was being directed at me in that room. When I explained this a second time she told me to justy ignore him. What she fails to understand is that I have been ignoring him all day. I'm emotionally exausted from it. I sat down to eat with my friends, NOT expecting him to come in, and he shows up when my guard was down. My only recourse at that point is to forcefully ignore him. To do this I have 2 options: I can leave, which I did, _OR_ I can snap myself into a trancelike state and become oblivious to everything around me, my friends included. The reason I didnt do that is because then he would have continued his taunting of me, and well... I get VERY embarassed when he tries to make me feel bad infront of people who I care about. Anyways now I'm here....feeling pity for myself. I think I'll just go to bed early

-doug

Looks like a slow day on Everything Diary today. So I managed to get time to update Nokia 7110, and will tell more about my new toy, Nokia 9110 when I actually managed to get my lump of contacts in Nokia 7110 (about 200 odd contacts, about 300 odd numbers or so) into that 9110.

In the process, I've been playing with that cool Logomanager software for Nokia phones, that allows putting in customised logos on the Nokia 7110. Now that 7110 has a great customized operator logo with my name on it, I'm going to loath swapping it for the Nokia 9110.

I've added new wu to IMEI. Oh, I've also updated my old wu on When I realized I spend too much time on E2, when a number of additional wu to it was cooled just now. And N-Wing did prompt it too. ;-}

I haven't done a daylog in a while, but feel compelled to add one now. I'm not one for doing much bitching, but some people make it hard for me not to. The latest moron: my community's new manager. This woman has been hounding me for nearly a month to paint my home. Sure, the place will never be featured in Better Homes & Gardens, but there are properties here in obvious gross violation of community safety codes. Why pick on me?

My husband and I have politely asked for a brief grace period in which to satisfy her demands. This was a financially challenging summer for our family. We're still trying to catch up from the expenses of replacing the water heater, air conditioner and car repairs. Plus, we still need a few important items for our soon-to-be-born second child. Instead of cooperation, we were threatened with eviction if our home wasn't painted and the roof re-sealed by the end of this month. WTF?!? Then Bitchie-poo tried to extort a down payment of $150 towards her outrageous $500 estimate of what the community's maintence crew would charge for re-sealing and painting our tiny abode.

I wanted to punch the bitch's capped teeth down her miserable throat!

Who the hell does she think she is?!? Anyway... At least hubster and I have enough money to slap some fresh paint on this place. It will be done later today, weather permitting. And Bitchie-poo's claim about our roof is far from urgent. At least the park owner will be in on Monday. We'll settle our grievances about this shrew with him, believe it!
Diane came over tonight. That girl is fucking amazing. Every time I see her, or have a real conversation with her I like her even more. But, there is more to it than that. She makes me feel more at ease than any other person on the planet ever has. Tonight she came to my place for the first time and it turns out she has the same power over my pets. They curled up against her in ways they have never done to anyone but me. I was amazed. And as I laid on the other side of ebony I was reminded of how she affected me in the same way. I felt it the first time we met.

So, I just sent her this letter:

You have this power over me I don't understand. I feel comfortable in your presence. Relaxed and at ease in a way that no one has ever been able to make me feel. And I don't know what to do with that. It confuses me in a way.

I could fall asleep in your arms and be totally content.

Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for sharing your coolness with me.

last night a show was going on at a local cafe. some of my friends were going to be there, some people who used to be my friends were performing. and well, it was either that or Sega all night again...so i went. i have some pretty tasty eggplant parmasean. hang out. talk to people. head over to the ice cream shop for some rocky road. afterwards we end up back at my apartment, nothing to do so we watch Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo.

we're hungry, we walk down to Taco Cabana. to fulfill my daily irony requirement i get the pancakes. we sit on the patio as it rains, discussing nothing in particular. eventually the rain lets up and we walk back to my apartment. the rain picks back up. i open my windows, my door. unscrew the bulb in the annoying flood light out side. light some candles. my 5 disc changer is loaded with 5 Low albums. i brew up a pot of jasmine tea. the four of us are content to sit in silence, watching shadows flicker on the wall, lost in the rhythm of raindrops on pavement. every evening should be this beautiful. i wish i had a fireplace.

conversation starts up. relationships, why none of us are in any. she tells me about when she first met me, how she had a huge crush on me, i notice the incredibly cute way her glasses are crooked on her face and think about telling her how dissapointed i was when we met, to find out she was only 15. but i don't. more tea. more conversation. the rain lightens, i loan out a jacket and a sweater and we go for a walk. four people wandering on campus at 5am with no destination in mind. watching the sky more than watching where we're going.

back at my apartment, more conversation, more tea. i think about the night before, sitting in denny's conversing with the really cute vegan i met at the Joan of Arc show and decide that it wouldn't be so hard afterall, i could live on hot tea and toast. oh wait, butter on my toast. damn. more tea. one leaves, then another. it's 7am, i'm reading, her asleep on my couch. i'm about to go to bed myself, i realize i should probably wake her up and offer a ride home first. when i was that age my parents would have called the police were i not home by this time. i get back home, fall into bed. a good 13 hours later i wake up. i'd already had a cold, but now, sick. the whole world feels slightly slanted to the left and there are lots of strange green things coming out of my nose

Man, I hate using Word for nodes. For anything really. Stupid green squggles under my sentence fragments. Leave the damn grammer alone! The red spelling squiggles are helpful, but so is ispell-minor-mode. I’ve just never gotten around to getting ispell to play nice with Emacs in Windows.

I’m at my parent’s place now, home for thanksgiving. Except I shouldn’t be; it’s super hard to get stuff done with people watching TV or talking to me, or with my niece screaming. So, instead of studying for midterms, I’m doing everything but. And now I’m noding to cap off a full day of time wasting. Hurray for me.

Tonight was the second night of Bayfest, having little else to do I decided to go. I managed to run into some friends of mine and see the Reverend Horton Heat play, followed by Blessid Union of Souls. Not knowing what to expect from the second band, I let myself be surrounded by a group of hyperactive teenage girls. The shrieks still ring in my ears. One girl recognized me and I tried to make something of it, but she left with her friends and I didn't see her afterwards. Maybe tomorrow.

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Daylog is a bit of a weak word for what this is. This is more of a week log, as I haven't been spending too much time on E2, and a lot of the time I DID spend here was on discussing the annhilation of a certain node of mine (see All noders are created equal, but some are more equal than others).

A few days ago (Wednesday I think), I was on my way to a friend's house, with my girlfriend. I was wearing beach sandals (because it's hot in Israel). My advice of the week is: Don't wear beach sandals while driving. I took a turn, and my sandal slipped from the break to the accelerator pedal. For those of you who have never taken a turn too fast, let me just say: "don't". So I lost control of the car, slid left, tried to correct , slid right, started understanding that this is NOT GOOD, hit a car on my left, moved to the right, tried to correct the steering wheel, tried to break again, was fast coming to the realization that there were no breaks in the car (a false deduction; my sandal was merely stuck under the break pedal), hit the other car again, did a 180, drove backwards, against the flow of traffic, did another 180 (more controlled now, still no breaks), and slid comfortably to a perfect reverse parking in the bushes at the side of the road.

I ran to the other car (I was fine), to see if there were any injuries. Before I had gotten to it, an ambulance was there, asking if we were alright. This would never be seen in a movie, as it would appear too unrealistic. We said we're fine. And we were.

The next day I went to a person to appraise the damage from the accident (you have to do this for insurance purposes), and he didn't believe that all the damages were from the same accident. Maybe it's because my car was so battered anyway (see previous daylogs for extensive damage survey). So that sucks. I'll have to get a bit fixed, but just what the insurance will pay for.

Oh, I almost forgot; on the day of the accident, I also got a report for talking on my cellular phone while driving. How annoying.

Israel today really sucks ass. It's like we've gone back about 10 years. It's almost a state of war. The PM has declared that there will be news broadcasts on Yom Kippur, which means there is a state of emergency. What with the 3 kidnapped soldiers, and the Palestinian revolts, everything is crazy here.

It doesn't look like it's going to end well. The solution is so simple: everyone just has to accept that everybody else is a human being, an individual and not just one of a group, and everything will be fine. Ha! it's so easy! Unfortunately, that will NEVER happen. All we hear is "us" and "them". It never happened and never will. I guess people will just have to keep on dying for stupid reasons.

12:53

This morning's inspiration: I took "qlaunch", a program of mine that is used to launch Quake/QuakeWorld sessions, and modified it a bit. Previously, I added Readline support for it just for the heck of it; then, Text::Abbrev support so that I wouldn't need to enter full commands... and now, I changed it to use DBI instead of "Pg" module so that the Bloody Heretics could use MySQL instead of PostgreSQL, the RDBMS God intended us to use.

Got to publish this program someday... I just wish a) I would have DRI and XFree86 4.0.x so I could play glquake, and b) people would still play the good ol' Quake. Now, it seems like aimbots-vs-aimbots war here...

I'm now bashin' through Usenet...

15:15

Watched Simpsons, Ihmisen Käsikirja and Futurama. Time to do something, hmm, more interesting.

I'm thinking of getting the "city card" they're advertising here...

OK, after this brief diversion, time to go to do the Usual Stuff - that is, /. and K5.

16:26

Wow. K5 is back at speed, it had been a bit slow recently. Nothing much interesting today, though. I hope there will be more interesting stuff next week... =(

21:05

I finally installed StarCraft to this machine and went to battle.net for the first time! I mean, I have had the game for ages, and now I finally have played it online.

It was interesting (tough, as usual, I sucked. Heavily. I think I played WarCraft II online in 1997 or 1998 or so... =) and the server was in Finland. But, hmm, the first thing the other players told me was something similiar to "u suck, go away." Welll... peelos in action... =)

00:04

I think I'll go finish that StarCraft level that I haven't played for over an year... And then to sleep. Honest. =)


Other day logs o' mine...

Noded today by y.t.: DRI
Updated: PostgreSQL

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Fragmentary glimpses of another me

I keep catching little bits of poetry out of the corner of my eye. They hang on the walls around me like half-seen unfinished paintings in a studio. It is almost maddening to catch another glimpse of one, then feel it slip away again. I must sit down this afternoon with a pen and paper and just write. Maybe I should disconnect the phone and put electronic eye on again...

Enjoying it while it lasts

I am getting slowly better from this operation. Feeling is returning to my leg gradually and I am regaining a lot of movement coming back. Of course this means that I will have to return to work and all the stress that entails. I think that another 2 weeks off will suit me just fine. Maybe I will be able to get ADSL and no longer worry about daytime phone charges...

19 days to go...

Is it the thought that counts?

I am wondering whether or not gifts are too easy to send. Just log onto a website and click a few buttons to get some third party to send a book or gift to someone. That is OK; in our society we put great importance on capital expenditure. If I spend x I love you this much, but 3x means I love you so much more? Even Charity is measured by how much money you give, how ostentatious the demonstration.

But reading something to your beloved that you have written especially for them and only for them? That is a gift that enriches both the giver and receiver far more than a 2 minute e-commerce special. Spending several hours writing a story, then reading to someone has to be a crowning acheivement in my life. Making her feel special makes me feel special and we both know it...

*Sigh*

Running late today, my friend came by, we hung out, etc. Me and him and another friend watched a pair of movies, one is Brazil, and a movie called The Passion of Ayn Rand, and I hate the way they say her name all throughout the film, it's like Eh-n. I didn't know exactly what to think of Brazil. It kinda left me feeling, well, pointless.

Anyhow, last night me and my friend had one of those talks, we talked about my current two girlfriend situation, and what I'm pretty sure I'm missing in one is a total childlike curiosity. I need that, I crave it. I want her to care, damnit. I need it.

I read an assload, today, too. I finished an essay by David Foster Wallace in A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again about, uhh, I think it was about authors being alive or dead. Interesting, but critical theory has never been much my type of thing. I also read a lot of Memoirs of a Beatnik, which is pretty cool.

I'm re-arranging my bedroom because my computer was resting on top of a heating vent. Sux. Too tired. It's 6 am here. Time for sleep.

Lots of busy lives in here today! The weather is blustery, spurts of violent windy commotions almost fallish if one can consider a desert to have any type of fall. We're to be at a cookout at my brother-in-laws house today to meet my husband's Aunt, Uncle and I think a cousin. Hubby says I've met them, but I don't recall so it may be awkward. I don't know when I will get used to that, however I am so looking forward to getting out of the house and enjoying some company.

Last night my husband had occasion to smirk at me and my hapless adventures with the local fast food restaurants in our area. Ever since the Dairy Queen incident things have been increasingly difficult. And since he is in the restaurant business I have been relating my travails to him as they occured over the last month or so.

Attempting to enjoy an ice cream out one day I tried TCBY, a place I've enjoyed walking to with my dogs in the past and sitting out front with a Choclate Chip Cookie-Dough Shiver, but the owners (acquaintances) have closed shop here. So I decided to give Baskin-Robbins a go....

Upon entering the shop, Hello Mama, I'm gonna hook you up!

Which I assume means 'What kind of ice cream do you want?' .... and it's Kenny a former student, he was in second grade then, during a long term sub assignment apparently he doesn't recognize me....

I'll have a scoop of pistachio ice cream please.

I complain to my husband and all I get is .....but you are a hot momma! ..... rolling my eyes, I smiled back.

McDonald's shorted me a fry, so I let Number Two Son have the one bag of fries and made do with my Quarter Pounder.

Taco Bell.....Hello! welcome to Taco Bell would you like to try one of our combos?

ummmmm yea I'd like two tacos and...

I'm sorry we're all out of hard taco shells.

Oh good grief! I left, went home asked the guys what they wanted Wendy's! they chorused
.....back with Wendy's and again I've been shorted a fry. Not to be outdone I groused I could have made dinner faster than this and returned to get my fries.

Late one night...Hubby I feel like some sweet and sour chicken from Yokahama Rice Bowl no one else wanted anything so off I went. I waited at the drive thru window.....oh I would at least say for a good three to five minutes..then one emlpoyee, a young man, looked out the window at me waiting and left. Are they being robbed? I pondered, perhaps busy and short of help....another few minutes of waiting and I left.

Across the street was an eegee's so I stopped for a

......small hot eegee's grinder and small fries.....

You want an 8 inch hot eeggee's grinder and fries...what would you like to drink?

No,
I said, I would like a 4 inch hot eeggee's grinder and fries.....

VROOOOM!!!

.....and nothing to drink.

What did you want to drink? I couldn't hear when the truck drove by.

Arriving home with my grinder and fries Hubby asked

What happened to the sweet and sour chicken?

I related my story and several grins and smirks appeared and disappeared across his face .....

Sounds to me Lo like they know when your coming!

***************

Now them that are such we command and exhort by our Lord Jesus Christ, that with quietness they work, and eat their own bread.
-2 Thessalonians 3:12

With quiet industry I will lay aside my restlessness and earn my bread alone.

Devotion

Well, today was pretty... hmmmm... interesting. Firstly, I woke up in a terrible mood, then, I realised that I had NO cigarettes (which is probably good since I am trying to quit), and I also went with some friends of mine to the South African Derby. It was alot of fun, although we sat in the damn rain ALL day, and ended up looking like drowned rats. The Derby was really nice, those Showjumpers really know how to ride those horses, it is quite amazing!

But... Just to add to my little 'exciting' day, I left the car lights on, and of course, when it came time to go home, the damn car didn't feel like starting. So now, my friends and I are sitting in the rain, and NOBODY felt like stopping to help us.

And... I then went out with my ex boyfriend, who keeps playing on my emotions, and one of these days. Aaaaaargh!

...You...Me...

10:29 PM EST -- And they wonder why I'm so dismal on the job

Another "exciting" day at work was about to end when suddenly, my manager tells me "Nick, go see what's up at the bottle return." This is not entirely unwarranted; the only working glass machine is buzzing away.

Stop me if you've heard enough of my bantering about the bottle return.

Grumbling something about wanting to leave in a minute, I walk over to the bottle return to find, sure enough, the glass machine is starting to overflow. The limit check they installed on the damn things don't work at all, do they? Not caring much for the fact that Tomra complains about overfilled bins, I proceeded to close off the bin and haul it away, doing it properly, with the rubber gloves and all. (They don't seem to be teaching the new bottle return people to clean the machines, so there's no chance in HELL you'll get me to readily do ANYTHING around those machines without gloves)

The gloves are also supposed to protect me from the harmful effects of very small sharp pieces of glass. Very useful.

Well, not really. No sooner than I had the bottle machine changed did another machine beep away. Swearing all the way, I changed it, too. But, when I went to thwack the "Reset bin full alarm" button, I felt a SEVERE stabbing in my hand. Sure enough, a piece of glass stuck onto the glove and dug it's way through the rubber when I hit the button.

"Bleeding hell, I'm bleeding." Well, not really that badly. It was more or less one of those types of cuts you kinda want to stop. So, I made a trip to the first aid box to find a bandage.

No such luck. Nobody stocks the damn thing.

Clocking out, I headed to the Meat department's first aid kit. They typically have more common sense than we do in the first aid department.

Nothing there, either.

Think I should file some safety violations?

NEW NODES TODAY: Non-sequitor fu, fighting logic, The Big Banana

I woke up at about 8:00 (after maybe two hours of sleep), with Madelon, my girlfriend, in my arms, at her sister's house. We spent the night there because she had some arguments with her mother, and didn't want to go home.
Someone called me on my mobile phone at 8:30. Still a bit sleepy, the bed was comfortably warm, and my girlfriend lying next to me, I didn't feel like answering the phone. Afterwards I discovered it was my girlfriend's mother who had called, probably because the batteries of my girlfriend's phone were empty (so she couldn't answer, even if she wanted to). I had a voicemail message from her, that I had to call her back. I didn't. I don't know her (haven't met her yet), and she had just worried too much about her daughter (for those who haven't been paying attention: my girlfriend) who she treats like a little kid even though she's 20.

We stayed in bed all morning, smooching most of the time.

Got out of bed at 11:30, took a shower, and then we left. We had to go to Bart, a friend of mine, in the afternoon, because he turned 19 a few days earlier. We still didn't have a present, so we decided to go shopping first.
After having breakfast/lunch at McDonalds (no, cheeseburgers do not taste too great at 12:30), we walked a bit through the shopping area of Den Haag, deciding on what to buy for the poor fellow. We bought a cd for him from Frans Van Boesschoten, Des 'N Schoon Waoge. It's a funny song in a dialect from Brabant (a province of The Netherlands), about a guy who's trying to sell his car, which basically is a piece of junk but he claims it's perfect.
At 13:00 (1PM, for the uneducated), we left Den Haag on our way to Breda, to Bart's birthdayparty. I know him from IRC, and met with him IRL numerous times. At the party there were a few more people from IRC who I already met IRL, but my girlfriend only knew them from IRC. She was a bit nervous to meet them at first, but she told me she wasn't as nervous as the first time she was going to meet me. We stayed there until 17:00.

I took her to the train station, to get her back to Den Haag. Maybe I should have brought her home myself but I had to go a different direction, and then I would be home really late (on the other hand, I would have been with her for another hour or two, which I now regret a bit that I didn't)). Fortunately, her train left one minute after she bought the ticket, and the next one was leaving 30 minutes later, so we walked very slowly to the trains. In the 30 minutes that we had to wait, we talked, smooched, and just enjoyed the moment. Then her train came rolling into the station. We walked towards it, and kissed each other goodbye. While we were smooching, the doors closed and the train left.
Feeling a bit angry because she missed her train, but at the same time very happy since we still had a bit of time together, we waited for another train to arrive, which would also get her to Den Haag, but through a different route. While we were waiting for that one to arrive, two other people who we know from IRC arrived at the station. I had already met Annemarie and Richard IRL, but Madelon hadn't, so now she met some more people from IRC.
After a few minutes, the train arrived. We said goodbye to each other, now making sure the train wouldn't leave before we knew it.
I walked with Annemarie to the exit (she was there to drop off her boyfriend Richard on the train), and I talked with her some more.

On my way home, I decided to grab something to eat at Burger King. I don't think I'll do that again any time soon, since the cheeseburger wasn't really all that tasty.

I arrived at home at approximately 19:45, wasted some time on IRC. Fortunately, my girlfriend was there too later that evening so I talked with her some more. Then I realised I already missed her a lot.

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