Yesterday I was sick and stressed. Today I am less of both. I called in sick which I probably should I have done yesterday. While I feel as if I should be able to manage a 38 hour work week, I keep getting sick which is a sign to me that I need to take action. I can start getting more exercise which has been a goal of mine for some time. I keep saying exercise when I should be saying things like - one walk five times per day for twenty minutes per day, or at least twenty minutes on the bike or treadmill every other day. Today is the last day of the regular baseball season and I didn't watch a minute of any of the games. Jill lost her retainer. I made her stay home searching for it while her sister went out with one of their favorite uncles.
We tore the place apart, moved furniture, vacuumed, pulled everything out of the closet, did laundry, explored backpacks, and did the dishes. No retainer to be found in the 515 feet of living space that still doesn't feel like home. I really wanted to write today, but after moving the furniture around I didn't have a place for my computer. Jill said we need to get rid of one of the sets of patio furniture I own. I agree with her, but can't bring myself to say goodbye. When I moved I took a painting that I've had for many years to the thrift store. I kept my desk and now I'm wondering if I should get rid of that as well as a small bookcase I have near my bed. With the furniture the way that it is now, I don't have room for my desk.
I'm considering skipping the trip to Las Vegas. People keep telling me it will be fun, but I'm working up until the day I leave, flying the red eye home, and then working the rest of that week. I won't have any days off, I'll be sitting in a conference all day, and sleeping in a strange bed eating strange food at night. It won't be the break I need after being sick for the past couple of days, and the whole idea of schmoozing people with trips and freebies doesn't sit well with my philosophy and ethical views. A product should go home with a buyer because it is a good product and the best one for that particular person, not because I sat at an expensive dinner in Vegas and stayed at a fancy hotel.
My manager is off this week, but not having a fun vacation or going anywhere. Her father has cancer and she's going to be spending time with him and taking him to appointments. Her son is a reforming drug addict who lives at home. She lives in an unsafe neighborhood where people steal license plate registration tags and throw things at homes that white people own. Despite this she has a heart of gold, works incredibly hard, and encourages us to lift each other up when someone is struggling. Yesterday that someone was me. She told me it looks like I've lost weight. I have, but not in a good way. Being sick will do that to a person.
I'm making progress, I'm taking action. I'm doing things I want and like to do, I still have terrible anxiety, but my reliance on meds is diminishing. I don't have another prescription to refill, so when the bottle of meds that I have is gone, I'd like to be able to say that I'm not going back to get another one. We have things at work that I can try, the kicker is I can get meds for much less than I can get things at work. But like the trip in Vegas, this is the right thing to be doing. I have standards and convictions. The more I'm able to stay true to myself, the better. The other day I told my Twitter followers that I was going to write a book based on my experiences as a clerk at a small, family owned, organic grocery store. I've decided the title will be The Green Apron.
Financially I'm doing much better thanks to me getting a job, and my ex bumping up what he pays me after moving out. I could have asked him for more in September, but I didn't. I managed and that's cool. It was tough, I went down to about $2 in my checking account before I tapped into my savings, but I'm going to be working hard to make sure that money I took goes back into savings. I took the retail math quizzes required to receive future bonus money. It's good knowledge to have even if I can't do the math. Or I could do the math if I had the equations, I passed, I understand the concepts for the most part, and fortunately I'm learning how to save our department money and spot/halt losses before they cost us more. Grocery store life suits me, who knew?
Praying this finds you well,
J