Before I get into my log for today, let me give you some backround information about my current relationship
with "Fred". I met Fred in mid-September
. Since then, I have fallen in love
with him. He is the perfect guy for me! Initally, he didn't want a serious relationship, having just gotten out of a two year hell with a psycho hose beast
. I can respect
and understand that. I knew early on I would want to have something serious, and knew I shouldn't push him in this type of situation. So, as much as it killed me, I let him have his space.
Shortly after we started to date, I knew I had fallen in love with Fred. I battled with myself, had sleepless nights, and weighed the pros and cons of telling him. I just knew I couldn't live without speaking my mind, so I did. He of course did not say it back, and I wasn't expecting him to.
After expressing my feelings, I felt much more at ease with giving him his space. So I enjoyed his company, had fun, and just totally dug hanging out with him, and being intimate with him.
(Now for the real beginning of my log) So here I am.....almost 2 months later, asleep in bed the day Fred comes home from vacation. 4:32am - My cel phone rings. I never leave my cel on at night, but for some reason, I left it on this night.
"Hello", I mutter, or something as close to it as I can force out at this ungodly hour.
"Hi baby, its me", me being Fred, of course.
"Oh hi, how are you I am asleep or was asleep." Still totally out of it.
"I'm good, sitting in the airport, waiting to come home. I miss you."
"I miss you to baby.....will I see you tonight?" I think it takes me about 2 minutes to babble this one out.
"Yes, I really want to see you. I'll be home around 5pm, is that ok?"
"Yeah that's ok....sorry I am so tired." At this point I look at my clock and collapse back down on my pillow with my phone.
"Ok I'm going to go now. Thanks for answering your phone."
"Oh.....sure....no problem." This kind of confused me at 4am.
"I love you."
"I love you too," I say, as if I had been saying it to him for years.
About 3 seconds go by. I jolt out of bed. "HOLY SHIT! Oh my god!" This outburst wakes up my best friend, who is asleep in the bed across the room. "Oh no, I am going to vomit," I think to myself. Super high jolts of love, joy, fear, complete hysterics. His groggy attempts of calming me down don't work much. I run to the bathroom, but calm myself before anything happens. I get back in bed, and fall back asleep.
The next morning, I wake up wondering if it was all a dream or not. Of course, it wasn't. A strange feeling overcame me. The only way I can describe it is like this: Remember when you were 4 or 5 years old....right about this time of year, the only thing you could think about was christmas. You made a list, checked it twice. And then finally, WHAM!, its christmas. The next day, you were like, Ok, now what? That's kind of how I feel....not disapointed, but in wonder of things to come.
I can't even begin to describe how good it feels to know he loves me. Fred, you make my heart soar to the highest cloud. You make me feel complete. I do love you, with all of my heart and soul.