It's armistice day today. It's not TENTH ANNUAL VETERAN'S DAY SALE!!!! It's not Remembrance Day with its name changed so no one quite remembers. Listen to Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. and my granny: it's armistice day. A moment of silence, please, and put on yer poppies, children.

On Armistice Day
The Philharmonic will play
But the songs that we sing
Will be sad
Shufflin' brown tunes
Hanging around, ahoo
M-m-m-m-m-m-m
No long drawn blown out excuses
Were made
When I needed a friend she was there
Just like an easy chair

Oo, Oo-o
M-m-m-m-m-m-m

Armistice Day
Armistice Day
That's all I really wanted to say

Oh I'm weary from waiting
In Washington D.C.
I'm coming to see my Congressman
But he's avoiding me
Weary from waiting down in Washington D.C.

Oh Congresswoman
Won't you tell that Congressman
I've waited such a long time
I've about waited all I can
Oh Congresswoman, won't you tell that Congressman

Paul Simon



In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

John McCrae

I've not noded in almost 2 months. My life has taken some very strange turns. Home doesn't feel so real. My work is meaningless. I think about e2 every day but I'm scared of it. Tonight break gave me a really cheery hello and it felt good (thanks). No one reads daylogs. The EDB is a pretty stupid idea. Everyone could be nicer. Why the fuck do so many users have bugs up their asses. I seem to live to consume. I'm happy for dizzy. I am so tired of going to Sydney every week. I've just remembered to hard link. Oops. I want to work at IBM. Or Lucent. Aliens are real. I wish I was a disco robot computer.

Today is Remembrance Day in Australia and all around the City of Melbourne are old men selling red poppies and pins. I went up to one hunched over old man in Burke Street Mall and held out 80 cents towards his donation tin. I told him that I didn't wish to purchase a red poppy, but that I did wish to make a donation.

As my coins clinked into the tin, he looked at me and I was struck by his eyes. Maybe it was the bad light, maybe it was because I had worked a long day, but I swear I saw his eyes sparkle and in the depths I saw a young man. A young man running through the water-logged trenches. A young man killing and seeing death all around. A young man who lost his youth. And in that period where time seemed suspended, I realised that for a twist of fate, I could have been that young man going to war.

It suddenly made me appreciate, more than the history lessons in school ever could, the sacrifice that a generation of Australians made for me to have a safe country to live in. It was a humbling experience.

And as the old man insistently pushed a red poppy with his arthritic hands towards me, I realised that the best way to show my appreciation was to ensure that on days like Remembrance Day, I take the effort to show my support. Even if my support consists of only purchasing a single red poppy, it is an act which shows to all who see that I, a young Australian, have not forgotten the sacrifice that others have made for my benefit.

As I threaded the red poppy through the button hole in my jacket, I am reminded of the apt phrase:

Lest We Forget

Other than getting burned on a reading lamp, my day wasn’t so awful. I woke up before eight and took a shower, read a little, watched some Jerry Springer. Naturally, it was about seemingly normal, if somewhat ugly, women admitting they were prostitutes to the nation and finally letting their families/lover(s) in on the secret. And then came the real shocker – “surprise, honey, I’m really a man!” My god. How many men-turned-females are there out there, and why are they all on Jerry Springer? I finally stopped watching the show this morning after the story involving a huge black man acting like a baby, complete with diaper changing, was advertised. One can only take so much

Sat around feeling bored but relaxed. Contemplated the idea of doing some homework, but common sense told me there was no need for work when I was capable of sleep. Funny how logical that always sounds.

Had to go to French class at one and talked about the Islamic religion in relation to a francophone writer from Morocco. There just happened to be two Muslims in my class, so this discussion got quite detailed. I found it interesting.

When I made it back home around quarter after two, my brother informed me that he needed to use my debit card to buy his girlfriend a $430 engagement ring. The occasion? Her sixteenth birthday. I reluctantly agreed after he promised to pay me back as soon as possible. Sheena, the girlfriend, had picked the ring out a little while ago and had been telling Adam (my bro) how much she would love him if he bought it for her. The bad news? She wants another ring for Christmas. Bitch.

Went shopping with my mother when she got home from work. I wasn’t too enthused to spend a few hours looking through stores, so she all but begged me to accompany her. I couldn’t refuse. We went to Target, Office Max, and Barnes and Noble. I bought some Herbal Essence shampoo and a bar of soap.

When mom and I were on the way back across the parking lot, we saw a mother wandering down the sidewalk with a two year old little girl in a pink coat trailing about twenty feet behind her. The little girl was walking in the road, and the mother didn’t care. Such sights are upsetting.

Overall, I have decided I have a problem with saying NO to my immediate family members. Today, it cost me exactly four hundred thirty dollars, half an hour of driving time to and from Kay Jewelers, as well as two hours fifteen minutes of tedious boredom and fatigue from running around after my mother.

Everything Day Logs
Yesterday | Tomorrow

Everything Snapshot

Time: Sat, 11 Nov 2000 05:42:42 GMT
Everything server: Apache/1.3.9 (Unix) Debian/GNU mod_ssl/2.4.10 OpenSSL/0.9.4 mod_perl/1.21_03-dev
Number of nodes: 748202 (1007 new since November 10, 2000)
Number of users: 20430 (-4 new since November 10, 2000)
Number of links: 2567716 (16082 new since November 10, 2000)

Node to user ratio: 36.623 nodes per user
Link to node ratio: 3.432 links per node
Link to user ratio: 125.684 links per user

New Nodes: [emotionally numb] [November 10, 2000] [An Artistic Analysis of 2001: A Space Odyssey] [neurotically checking your writeup statistics] [Truco] [Against Interpretation] [I know a place where everyone is smiling] [Everything Poll! What is your favourite computer game character?] [The Perfect Node] [Star of the County Down] [It's The End Of The World As We know It] [Rasputin : A Hard Man To Kill] [everyone falls the first time] [Everything Poll! What is your favourite computer game character?] [there is nothing to keep me here]

Users Online (52): [dem bones] [tregoweth] [wharfinger] [JeffMagnus] [Uberfetus] [deep thought] [perdedor] [vectormane] [hodgepodge] [nocodeforparanoia] [Demeter] [achan] [Wuukiee] [Roninspoon] [StopTheViolins] [Cow Of Doom] [Mojo Jojo] [Byzantine] [dolphinboy] [ThePope] [narzos] [melodrame] [piq] [Torque] [pokey] [klash] [cha0s] [Infinite Burn] [godling] [jesdynf] [necromancer] [Aphrodite] [Ahab] [shrimpo] [Space Butler] [Spackle] [Deadbolt] [Schemer] [MindVague] [mmoin] [Line Noise] [litmus] [maxsec] [Dave!] [uncleozzy] [flybomber] [umquam] [clearpebbles] [scs] [vital3d2] [rookkey2] [Man of Zeal]

JeffMagnus node count: 4039 (0 new since November 10, 2000)
JeffMagnus experience: 9682 (4 more since November 10, 2000)
JeffMagnus experience to node ratio: 2.397 XP per node
JeffMagnus nodeshare: 0.540%
JeffMagnus node of the day: Microsoft

Under the urging of Mojo Jojo I have taken the equivilant of a shotgun to my /usr/lib.

"just use rpm --nodeps --force if you really want to install it" he said.

well the end result is that I have no perl. I might be gone for a while, but my computer is not incapacitated yet, I don't think i'll be able to reboot though.

Okay I almost have perl re-installed but things are in my way!

[root@ragu] (/home/Shan)# rpm -Uvh perl-5.6.0-9.i386.rpm
error: failed dependencies:
        libdb-3.1.so is needed by perl-5.6.0-9
        libc.so.6(GLIBC_2.1.3) is needed by perl-5.6.0-9
        libc.so.6(GLIBC_2.2) is needed by perl-5.6.0-9


libdb-3.1.so should be in GLIBC along with all of that other crap, right? well... lets put it this way, I don't like rpm, and rpm doesn't like me.

scream!

[root@ragu] (/home/Shan)# rpm -Uvh glibc-2.1.94-3.i386.rpm
error: failed dependencies:
        rpm <= 4.0-0.65 conflicts with glibc-2.1.94-3
        libdb.so.2 is needed by enlightenment-conf-0.15-5
        libdb.so.2 is needed by gedit-0.5.1-3
        libdb.so.2 is needed by gnome-linuxconf-0.22-1
        libdb.so.2 is needed by gnorpm-0.8-5
        libdb.so.2 is needed by python-1.5.1-10
        libdb.so.2 is needed by sendmail-8.9.3-10
        libdb.so.2 is needed by wmconfig-0.9.5-1
        libdb.so.2 is needed by control-center-1.0.51-1
        libdb.so.2 is needed by ee-0.3.11-1
        libdb.so.2 is needed by extace-1.2.1-1
        libdb.so.2 is needed by gdm-2.0beta2-13
        libdb.so.2 is needed by gmc-4.5.40-1
        libdb.so.2 is needed by gnome-core-1.0.53-2
        libdb.so.2 is needed by gnome-games-1.0.51-1
        libdb.so.2 is needed by gnome-libs-1.0.53-1
        libdb.so.2 is needed by gnome-media-1.0.51-1
        libdb.so.2 is needed by gnome-pim-1.0.50-1
        libdb.so.2 is needed by gnome-utils-1.0.50-1
        libdb.so.2 is needed by gnumeric-0.38-8
        libdb.so.2 is needed by gtk---1.0.3-1
        libdb.so.2 is needed by gtop-1.0.5-1
        libdb.so.2 is needed by libglade-0.7-1
        libdb.so.2 is needed by pygnome-1.0.50-1
        libdb.so.2 is needed by gnome-chess-0.2.3-1
        libdb.so.2 is needed by glade-0.5.3-1
        libdb.so.2 is needed by rpmfind-1.2-1
        libdb.so.2 is needed by rpm-3.0.5-9.6x
        libdb.so.2(GLIBC_2.0) is needed by gnorpm-0.8-5
        libdb.so.2(GLIBC_2.0) is needed by python-1.5.1-10
        libdb.so.2(GLIBC_2.0) is needed by sendmail-8.9.3-10
        libdb.so.2(GLIBC_2.0) is needed by gnome-libs-1.0.53-1
        libdb.so.2(GLIBC_2.0) is needed by rpm-3.0.5-9.6x
        libdb.so.3 is needed by python-1.5.1-10
        libdb.so.3 is needed by xchat-1.4.2-1
        libdb.so.3 is needed by xemacs-21.1.3-1
        libdb.so.3(GLIBC_2.0) is needed by python-1.5.1-10
        libdb.so.3(GLIBC_2.1) is needed by xemacs-21.1.3-1
To hell with that.

There's a lot of sides to me. When I was younger I would sit in my room and I would develop these personalities inside my head. There is the one I've found comfort in a lot lately. The one that feels things, all too much. The one who can drastically swing from happy to sad in a matter of moments, who can express herself and who can love herself.

But there's others. There's the one where I don't feel anything. Where I can shut off a feeling and turn one on as easy as a switch. Off, on, off on. Simple. I can be in love with a person and the next day say goodbye without a flinch, break a heart without a care, crush a hope without worry. It's not an anger thing, though, that's another personality. This is just the one capable of stepping back and seeing things as if it weren't really me.

All these sides are always fighting. The ones that want to have another cigarette and the ones who want to walk in the rain. The one that wants to tell someone I love him already and be done with it and the one who is scared. It's fucked up, and everybody has these personalities, and it pisses me off. And now it's the one that wants to throw things at walls and laugh at boys who think they're cool and want to shoot people.

Whatever.
Wow, I got up at 8:30 this morning... and because I wanted to. Scary.

I'm getting up early for dance decorating at my high school... Our music department is holding a "Psychadelic Dance" tonight, so I thought I'd help out. It doesn't look like too many people are coming though. Oh well, at least the good ones will be there.

I signed up to be an E2 Mentor late last night... whatever that proves to be.

I'm being quite the slacker on E2 lately... so maybe I'll pick up the pace... tomorrow.

i am currently wearing contact lenses for the first time ever.. well, i have had them in since yesterday. this is my mediocre news. it is kind of neat to have that whole field of view.. but i can not afford to wear contacts all the time, i'll be getting new glasses at some point this coming week. do you take it for granted that you can see in most any direction, clearly? of course, i am accustomed to straight forward clear vision.. it is not as if it is even remotely inconvenient for me to wear glasses. i am thinking a nap is in order shortly..

i guess i just needed to let some float'y text out of my head, i probably don't really feel so strongly any of the things i wrote below, at least not anymore. they seem so much less after they fall out of my head. i am not so sad or lost, things are really not horrible just off right now. there will be time for swirling earth and universe to settle, things will come together in time. i know this.

crawling inside of myself, just a little deeper, the light that brought me in falls away in paths left behind. time hasn't seemed to creep on like it had been, not since last saturday and crumbling world matter. little bits of universe to cling to here and there, keeping me up when there seems only to be down. i don't like to feel so far away.

i think, i just wanted your arms so badly last night.
i needed your words.
i am not grumbly.. just feeling a bit alone..
i just miss you.

sleep lack of it is more weight, of the crushing sort, dreamland just seems to be another place that i can not exist without issue.

i suspect ears will tire of me, if they have not already. i assume that most would tell me i should draw on the positives, i just can't seem to find very many right now.

it could always be worse
(that is what i am afraid of)

Waking up to the sound of a British harrier flying at low altitude over the barracs, I realized this day would suck...
Checking what time it was, I got out of bed and discovered that the mess had closed 10 minutes earlier. Spending half the day without any food in my body, I sat down in front of the TV, trying to fry my own brain with all the crappy music they broadcast on MTV
After two hours of this, and five Britney Spears flix and three Spice Girls flix, I was more tempted to blow my brains out with my AG3, but didn't...
Headed for the library in camp, and sat down to share my despair with noders on E2...
After logging on, I discovered that some bunghole had given my node about The only pickup-line you'll ever need bad rep, wrote this node, logged of and went back to my room to sleep again...
I slept through the eleventh minute of the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month of the year today, and I don't really mind. Over the years, we have had a minute of silence at school to reflect and to honour those that died in wars so that we could be free today. However, I am part of a generation that has not seen a real war. I have faint recollections of the Gulf war, occasionally hear about turmoil in the Middle East and the Balkans, but it doesn't seem to honestly affect me as I feel it should. I am part of a generation that beat up and robbed a lady selling poppies for Rememberance Day, getting away with $80 CDN. Movies glorify war and make it seem unreal - it's just a movie, they say.

I wish that my peers could realize the gravity of this day and show some respect, but that is not within the nature of my generation. So to all those who have fought in a war and have injured themselves or died, I am sorry, but I wish I could feel more.

There was an extremely drunk bloke in the bar today. He was out of his head. He ordered two vodka's and red bulls without the jelly beans (veeeery strange). He also managed to smash lots of glasses in the bar. He was the only person in the bar as it was early and he even tried explaining how someone had knocked him. He also managed to fall off his chair several times and unsuccesfully tried to pull women with lines like You and me are going to be meeting later. Which is really lame... But he was pissed so you have to give him some credit ;) (not)

The wonderful thing about love is that no matter whether it's unrequited, or the time isn't right, or any of the other thousand million excuses we give ourselves for the reasons things don't work out … it's still love. And love is a wonderful thing. There's an incredible beauty in another person that adds to the beauty in yourself and makes everything smile. If you look at it right, love can make everything happy whether or not you get what you want, just because it's love. It's one of those couple of things that makes being a human being a pretty alright thing to be. There's wonder in the world.



The wonderful thing about a hangover is that once the ibuprofen kicks in and you've gotten some food in your tummy (go I.H.O.P.!) and you realize you aren't going to die after all … you get a new lease on life, and you can rap yourself up in vague remembrances of love and his pretty face and how lovely it was when he kissed you by surprise that first time when you'd been telling yourself and telling yourself to stay away because no matter how pretty he was the time wasn't right, and how glad you were for the way that he hugged you last time he hugged you (long after you'd decided not to do this thing) in such a way that made you realize there's love in this world in spite of all the thousand million excuses we give ourselves for the reasons things don't work out and there's love in him, whatever form it may take and … and how good it feels to be swaddled in blankets and recovering, and the fact that you have a wonderful excuse not to do any more work for a just few more hours.

And it is good.

Abstract: mugged, Anna Maria Island, her

Mugged? Yes, mugged. It wasn't at gunpoint or anything, but the two african american kids were bigger than me, so I didn't fight back or anything. They didn't hurt me, so that's good...

Drove down to Anna Maria with friends... At 3:00am. Was fun.

She's still on my mind, and i'm getting definate non-good vibes from her. She's obviously not interested in me. But, I'll try one more time tommorow...

23:35 EST 11-10-00

Drove down to the NationsBank at Fowler Ave. and 17th Street - right next to University Mall, by the Denny's - to do a balance inquiry because I'm too lazy to balance my checkbook. I parked, rolled up my windows and closed my sunroof, locked the doors, then walked to the ATM. There were four middle-eastern guys standing around the other ATM, so I went to the one close by. I did my thang and walked back to my car. As I got to the car, I heard some commotion toward the ATMs. One of the four guys had been knocked down and assaulted by two african-american teenagers. "Oh shit," I thought. I was in shock for about 5 seconds, just like "WTF?!" I had my camcorder in the car, so I wanted to get in, lock the doors, then get some video. Too late. They got bored with the other guy after they realized he didn't have anything, so they walked over to the skinny white boy trying to get in his car. "Great," I thought, "I really don't need this today...". The more agressive one said, "Gimmie all yo shit, bitch." I was like, "Noooo problem man... I've got two bucks in my wallet, here ya go.". He was a bit dissapointed with that and reached into my other pocket, pulling out my cell phone and Palm Pilot. At that point, I knew I'd never see my cell phone or Palm again. But that wasn't that big of a deal.. I wasn't going to let them get any more. "I know you got more than that whiteboy, gimmie all yo shit," the mugger said while he grabbed my wallet from my other pocket. "Hey, hey.. I don't have anything useful in there. Here, give it back and I'll give you all the money in my account." Hmm. I thought maybe that'd throw 'em off - and it did, so I snatched my wallet back. "Uh, yeah, ok... Gimmie all yo shit." So, up to the ATM we went. Card in, beep-beep-beep-beep, cash out. "Come on man, hurry up!" they said. "Chill, ok? It's commin' out in a second." As the cash was being sorted by the machine, he leaned down closer to it - "YES," I thought "Got his ass on the ATM cam!" So, he grabbed the $50 that spit out. "SHIT! That's all you've got? Gimmie all yo shit!" "Listen. That's all I've got. Here, look at the reciept." As he looked the reciept over, I said, "Okay, now can I have my cell phone back?" Not like I expected it or anything... "Fuck that!" they said almost in unison as they turned and ran toward the ghetto. I hauled ass to my car, hoping to get them on camera before they disapeared. No such luck.

Aftermath

"Oh my goodness," said one of the four middle-eastern guys, "They took your money, right? They took something?" "No shit," I replied, "Got my cell phone, my Palm Pilot, and $52... But I'm ok. Are you guys all ok?" "Yes, yes. We are fine." One of them ran off to the Wallgreen's nearby to call the police. As we waited, I tried to keep everyone there - witnesses and such, you know? Well, they wanted to leave - didn't want to be there. So I talked and talked. 15 minutes later, the cops weren't there... "Hey, I'm running over to that Denny's to call 911 - stay here, please," I said. "Umm... Eh. Ah. Okay," they said. I ran off to the pay phone in front of the Denny's and made my 911 call. By the time I got through, however, the police had showed up - so I told the operator they were here and ran back to the parking lot where the police were. The other guys were in their car ready to leave, but as the cops showed up they hopped out to chat with 'em... As I walked up, one of the police officers took me to the side and questioned me... They also took the other guy (the one that had been jumped, but not injured) and talked to him. "Cell phone, $150. Palm Pilot, $180. $52 cash." "We'll do what we can, here's your report number," the po-po said. I used his cell phone to call my friend down and they left.

I've never been robbed before so it was interesting, to say the least. My cell phone is my connection to the outside world, and my Palm has all my addresses and personal info (thank god I've got it all backed up on my PC). Losing those two was a loss, but hey - I walked away with my wallet and my health, something that few people do these days. I feel I made the right decisions, and that's why I'm okay now. If I had done this, said that - things would've been different... But it was really a best case scenario. I'm lucky, I guess. My friend showed up and we got some coffee at the Holiday Cafe and discussed the finer points of mugging, the ghetto, and even Nucio where he'd been robbed before. We hopped into his car and drove around for a little while, and he showed me where he got mugged at gunpoint in Nucio... After that, he went home and I went to chill at Bennigan's with my friends that worked there. Anything to calm me down, as I was in a near rage at the people that stole my stuff.

Lesson

Be prepared for anything. If you intend on going out late at night, carry pepper spray, mace, or any weapon capable of incapacitating several people at once. Also, doing what an attacker wants - and more - is a safe way to avoid escalating the situation. It can happen to you

02:00 11-11-00

"Where do you wanna go?" "Anywhere but here..."

Mixed signals is something I've always had to deal with. But crossed signals? All I've been trying to discover is whether or not she's interested enough in me to have a meaningful relationship... But the signals are becomming less mixed, and I don't know whether I should read into it.

They told her to watch out for 'leading people on' by her personality - which is all too easy for her to do completely unconsciously. Was she doing that to me? I was rejecting anything I percieved as an advance toward me, specifically because I realized that about her when we first met. But now I wasn't so sure. If they made her conscious of it, and she was acting this cold toward me, was it her way of letting me know she's not interested? Or was she just having a bad day? This was on my mind all night, and still hasn't let go.

Moonlit beach. Clouds playing with the moon. Colorful cloudy ring with the moon. The Gulf of Mexico crashing against the soft, wet sand. Her hand. Soft breeze. Mare Tranquilis... They walked away.

On the way back, more silence. Not as much, but still silence. She wasn't silent around them. _Everything, Everything_ loud. I think she liked it.

Couch, her roomate, Talking. Close. Reluctant sleep. Deep. Never deep enough.

I think she's trying to send me a message. Maybe she simply never was interested in me and never will be. All I want is a meaningful relationship with her. I know she wants something meaningful too... Just probably not with me.

What is there to do? Where are my options? What are they? None. All I can do is wait for the opportunity to talk with her. And talk with her I will..

"I care."

19:00 EST 11-11-00

Just when life can't get any better, my left rear tire blows out. Life is good. Very good. I hope that spare lasts long enough to get this one fixed.

I just don't need this right now.

I was working today, for the first time in a while, demoing iMacs in John Lewis. Not a fantastically enjoyable, but most definetly a profitable exercise...

We did observe a two minute silence in the store at 11am, although it was rudely interrupted by the screensaver running on the Packard Bell laptop on the next aisle. Honestly, some people have no respect...

Today's daylogs are an interesting mixed bag... some people imploring us to remember those killed in wars, some explaining why we need not bother. Some ignored it all and continued in their geeky ways.

I think we should continue to remember the war dead. The world could be a very different world had they not fought.

The rest of the day went fairly smoothly. Didn't manage to sell anything, though...
That store does like to treat its staff well. The food in the canteen is not only tasty, but dirt cheap too...
I also discovered the type of customer I get on best with - a guy and a girl, about my age, who stopped by shortly before closing. The guy works in River Island, and the girl (very cute) appeared to be his sister. Interesting. I wonder if she'll be back? I think I'll have to put that down to wishful thinking.

get a grip martin, you'll never see her again...

Having been out last night, and had a long day today, I stayed in tonight. *yawn*

And now, to bed.

02:48 GMT

I woke up a little after noon today, and was trying to think of what to do today and I remembered that there was a protest over the screwed up ballots in downtown West Palm Beach. So I went there. I picked up some posterboard and some markers and made a sign that said "Bush: concede to popular vote!". This is sort of a response to Bush's side constantly commenting that Al Gore should concede to save us all of this hassle. I think that Bush could just as easily concede as Gore.

I got in on at least two camera interviews and talked with one or two reporters. I was right behind the reporter in several shots, including local news, CNN, and even an international show that was in Japanese. I found a picture of me behind the Japanese reporter at a news website at:

http://www.out2.com/copyroom/articles.asp?StoryKey=13012

The out2.com site was handing out the "smiley face" stickers (you can see one on my sign), and later mentioned that I was up on their site so I checked it out when I got home.

It figures that I get caught in a picture with an asian lady :) If you don't already know from my other daylogs, I have a thing for asian women. I talked to her for a few moments after her camera spot and saw her notes written in kanji and basically chatted for a minute about how I am really enjoying learning the language and that their written language is so beautiful.

There was a lot of shouting at the demonstration when the Bush supporters showed up, which really didn't make much sense to me. I don't know why some of those people who were shouting at each other even think it was going to do any good. I spent most of my time away from the mob, just holding up my sign to the traffic that was passing by. Many of them honked their horns and cheered, while others just looked on without comments.

I ran into one Gore supporter who was really religious. I was kind of suprised to meet someone who is very religious and a Democratic Party supporter. We talked for a while about stuff and he mentioned a lot of religious mumbo-jumbo, but he didn't once try to impress his religion on me. I was very impressed with this person; if more religious people were like him, there would be a lot less reason for me to hate organized religion.

I hung around until about 7:30pm, when I was interviewed one more time by a local news station on my way back to my car.


04:10 GMT

It turns out that my last interview wound up on the news and they quoted me as saying that the manual recount was open to being "too subjective", but they left out the part where I said that they should do a re-vote. Sort of made me sound like a Bush supporter. Bah.

Anyway, I was talking on the phone with my friend that I mentioned in yesterday's daylog as my "depressed friend", we'll just call him "Bob" for now; and it seems that he managed to run across my comment and got upset enough to hang up the phone. I really hope he read the rest of my writeup, as it mentions further down that after we talked, I thought that we both felt less depressed. He's somewhat emotionally unstable right now (he's always a bit overly concerned about his health, and has been not feeling well), so I think he's probably a bit edgy right now. I'll wait for him to call me back.

This is basically my "diary", except that is online for everyone to see. I'll probably say some stuff to piss people off, but I have no bad intentions. If everyone did this, then people wouldn't build up so much frustration inside, and perhaps their lives would turn out better since fewer misunderstandings would be made. Anyway, I feel bad that "Bob" is pissed off, but I think he'll eventually get the context that it was written in.


05:18 GMT

I wrote "bob" a letter, basically saying that I did not properly warn him about reading my daylogs here, and that if he still wanted to be friends, that I would leave it up to him to call me. Since I've always been so introverted, I don't know too many people, so it would suck to lose a friend I've had for about 8 years, especially over this. But honestly, I am going to write what I feel, and if that's too much for him, then that's the breaks; he shouldn't read this if he can't handle it.

Since I have started noding my thoughts here, my personality has changed. In just this short time, I have gone from being very introverted and staying indoors every weekend to doing something as far out as to get out and join a government protest.

Part of what gave me the courage to start doing this is my long-wanting need to get to be more social, but the straw that broke the camel's back has to be my feelings for Kawana, who is the first girl that I am attracted to that ever treated me nice and genuinely made me feel good about myself. My feelings for her may be a sort of naive and it may just be a hollow form of love, but I've never been in love, so I would have to describe this as the closest I've been yet.

One thing I have done to my daylogs is I have gone back and put in "character names" for all of my friends, so that they can remain somewhat anonymous (though they will certianly know I am talking about them if they read it).

Man am I tired. I think I'll go to sleep early tonight. Have to work tomorrow anyway. I guess I feel bushed after spending all day at the protest event.

Had the most weirdest dream about my deceased father. As soon as my mom woke me up I got on e2 and wrote about it. Before I knew it it was 9:05AM; I had to be at work in H&R Block at 9. I didn't care. It's not really tax season yet. I went into the kitchen got some Fruity Pebbles and ate cereal. I took a shower, got dressed, and sped to work.

When I got there noone had even realized that I wasn't there. That made me feel so important. I took my seat and went on with my day. Got out at 4. Dropped off this guy that had asked me for a ride. I think he wanted to ask me out but I kept on monopolizing the conversation. I then drove home to my wonderful mother. She asked me when I was going to have time to fix these 3 computers that some of my clients(different job) had left me a week before. Well, she didn't really ask, she more like told me to get it done. I got 2 out of the 3 suckers working.

I got the weirdest instant message on aim today. A user using aol ims me with the screen name "clearpebbl." My screen name is "clearpebbles". The first message they sent tells me that they want my "es." After some threats on their part, I block them and go back to reading nodes. A couple of hours later I get another message by user "earpebbles" asking me for my "c". I block them as well.

Went over to Thomas' house eventhough he's in the Navy. Heard the wonderful news by his mom that he will be down for Christmas from Chicago. I go into his room and lay on his bed and look under the bed hoping he'll pop out from underneath. He didn't. I eventually go home and my mom asks me why I'm not hungry. I just tell her I'm not when in reality I had eaten at Thomas' house.

Took Tosh(named after Andrew Tosh/Mojo jojo) out of his cage today. He's my lovely hamster. I introduced him to my little sister's new dog. Her dog didn't like him all that much. Now I'm here in my room all alone waiting to be imed by Nate(not e2noder). Nothing so far. I guess all good things come to those who wait, so wait I shall.
The 'patient' one is running out of patience. No, no new anger to surface. I'm refering to this lump in my throat. I just want something to happen. Still no ill feelings, I'm not going to suddenly blow up and seek revenge. I guess in the whole scheme of things, I ought to be mortally wounded. But I'm still standing. And dare I say, my dears, you should stand up and brush yourselves off, too? It's been a week. Soon, I know, but I refuse to go off on a rampage, I would rather go off on a weekend stint somewhere cold. Forgive yourselves, I have. It's done, it's over, learn from it and get a good night's sleep. (With no more guilt dreams.) Fuggetaboutit. One get-out-of-jail-free.

My heart is tired. My mind is sluggish. My soul is hopeful. I've decided all I really want is my fuckin' home back, okay?

...Yesterday...Yestertomorrow...

10:50 PM EST -- Everything

I can safely say pretty well everything that happened today happened after I got back from work.

Walking in the door, I found the Killewald Family Dry Erase Marker Board Of Perpetual Perpetuality covered with the ramblings of my father. Apparently, he's got this week off work, and he's gonna use it to clean the house. ALL of the house.

While this WOULD be very nifty, it runs into one snag: MY room is within the confines of this house. And my room, although it IS organized, is NOT organized according to anyone else's standards but my own. And even I'll admit it's not CLEAN, but it's ORGANIZED.

What this means is that I'll be spending a day or two trying to get stuff cleared up so my dad doesn't throw out stuff I might need in the future (One of my best doodles is on the back of a small recipt from Meijer, and that'll prolly get tossed).

I decided to spend the night folding my clothing to put it into my dresser. Now, keep in mind, my dresser had been blocked, for the longest time, by macaroni, my happy Linux server. After cleverly moving it over, I now have access to a fair amount of my dresser again. I'm fairly certain that, since the clothing inside had been barricaded inside for a year, I can safely remove all of it and insert my weekly rotation in it's place.

And then I signed up to be an E2 mentor. I've been here for a while, may as well teach others the WAYS OF SPAM-LIKE NODING! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Today my oldest brother, Patrick, got married to his girlfriend (on and off) of 11 years. I can't beleive it. I've known Stephenie for so long now, and finaliy I can call her Sis. Pat asked me to be the Best Man, and of course I said yes. I guess I didn't realize at the time how hard it is to give that stupid toast.

I didn't know what to say. For the first time in my life as an English major, words escaped me. It was all I could do not to cry during the speech! Me, a grown man of almost 24 years, looking upon two of the happiest people on earth....and I can't find the words to say how happy I am.

This could be one of the happiest moments of my life.

My workplace is in the ghetto. I'm employed at a Mardi Gras barn, doing sculpting and painting - since the floats are so huge, the construction needs to take place on-site, down town. Up the street from the barn is a cluster of three crackhouses, while working on a sculpture I saw a dealer get taken down by eight cops 15 feet from me. Scary environment. After work I get a haircut and drive to Auburn... people suck.

Claire is at her workplace, stressed out, she tells me that we'll meet up later on, but that never happens. Instead, we hang out around Brett's and Pat's place the entire evening. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it merely shows Claire's lack of interest and the end of that hope. Oh well. Life goes on.

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