The Nipple Twister is one of the most awesome moves in your playground scrapping arsenal
, and should be accompanied at all times, for backup
purposes, by a 1ft metal ruler
Administering the Nipple Twister, or NT as we shall call it, requires deft skill, timing and finesse.
Choosing your victim is not a difficult task. Anyone will do as long as they are male (girls will accuse of you of touching them in 'special places'), slightly chubby, and for extra thrills, extremely bad tempered.
Approach your victim with a warm smile. Greet him thusly:
a:) with the playground pleasantry of the week (arse head, poo face, shit neck.....)
b:) to offer him a bite of your penguin bar
c:) to swap World Cup '90 stickers
d:) to show him some animal you fried with a magnifying glass
Engage in conversation, all the time maintaining eye contact, never giving away your true intentions. Smile a lot, crack a joke or two, but never, ever glance at the nipple. This is of the utmost importance. Any hint that you are about to deleiver the NT could be a serious threat to your health. As the conversation reaches exhaustion, remove your hand from your pocket as if to take something out of it. Then, look at a point over your victims shoulder, an object in the distance. Your victim will note your distraction and turn his head to see what you're looking at.
Now is the time to strike.
As he turns his head, thrust your hand forward sharply into his chest, if you're right handed, go for the left nipple with your thumb and first two fingers. Finding the exact location of the nipple is not that important, as it will be usually be well within your 'twist zone'. Now, before your victim realises what the hell is going on, twist that nipple as hard as you can.
To the left.....and hold...
To the right......and hold....
Repeat until the victim is on his knees begging for mercy with through tears of pain.
The response to this random, unprovoked attack is usually a severe beating at the hands of the victim. This is thoroughly deserved and should be absorbed with grace and dignity. Remember, if things get out of hand, you always have that ruler handy.....
Other NT related things:
The Nipple Twister Cocktail:
One part grapefruit juice, one part cranberry juice, two parts vodka. Add lemon juice, Sprite, Ice, and a sprig of lime. Serve in a tumbler.
A Species Of Bee Fly:
Brachyanax thelestrephones - “Little chief nipple twister”
Circus X Nipple Twister TM:
A flash animation used to determine whether or not a woman's breasts are real.