File under: Bored at work

So there I was, clerking, and telling people Gone in Sixty Seconds was all checked out. When asked if I had seen it, I basically said, "It's a Nicolas Cage movie, and they're all pretty much the same movie these days. He yells and screams for no reason, and steals something, and goes to Vegas. Oh and there's a plot twist I think." And that caused a bit of laughing, and a little bit of the, "Dude, Nicolas Cage is kewl" protestations. So I just kinda giggled to myself about all the conventions of Nicolas Cage movies and thought, "You know, what if Nicolas Cage was a Pokemon?" So I took the time in between taking care of customers and cracking dumb Labyrinth jokes about nonsensical stuff to make Jennifer Connelly go through to get her baby brother from David Bowie to roughly chart out the stats for the Nicolas Cage Pokemon.

Now there would be 4 evolve stages for said Pokemon:

  1. Cageachu(C1) - a worm with Nicolas Cage's face (evolves at level 15 to Cageachan)
  2. Cageachan(C2) - a spider with Nicolas Cage's head (evolves at level 45 to Cageino)
  3. Cageino(C3) - an H.R. Giger alien with Nicolas Cage's screaming and yelling head
  4. NiCoppola(C4) - a super-deformed version of a humanoid Nicolas Cage (equip a Cageino with a Cheap Suit to create)

And here are his powers:

I think I'm going to hell for this, one way or another...

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