Nefarious uses for a beard trimmer

I was travelling around the Southern Hemisphere when my travelling partner - who had a goatee - decided to purchase a Remington beard trimmer to keep it looking neat and pristine.

The trimming of his facial hair extended one evening to my playing Vidal Sassoon with his hairline and sideburns.
It was at this point that I was struck by the extremely efficient nature of the device and my mind embarked on a train of thought which concluded in a genital epiphany:

Given the excellent results on the face-forest of my companion, my minge need never again look anything less than magnificent.

Henceforth I embarked on a love affair with the perfectly presented punani. I started out gingerly (not in colour you understand - like most people's they're black and curly), sparing my bikini line from the ravages of depilatory cream, wax, or even - quelle horreur - razors, by using the pubi-trim to keep stray hairs in check.

Soon however I gained courage and started to bring in the hairline, just a tad.

Before long I was trimming the triangle like a trooper, and it was getting smaller and smaller.
The question then arose of where the upkeep should stop; should I draw the line at the hair which adorns the pubic bone, or should I venture further down and around?

I was practically renting porn videos for inspiration, and on seeing Kubrick's Eyes Wide Shut, featuring rooms full of vixens with nothing more than an inch-wide line growing from lips to hips, I decided to go the whole way.
With the perfect marriage of cream and machine, I became a pubic artist.

I now ensure that I am perfectly pubicly presented at all times, a gesture which I understand my SO very much appreciates. He found it particularly touching when one night I presented him with the romantic visage of a perfectly heart-shaped front lawn.

Due to the two-skinned-lychees-in-a-sack nature of nads, I believe it would be difficult for a man to put the same level of attention into his short & curlies; nor would women expect it - that area can never look really neat after all. Removing rogue hairs and giving the area a general trim is certainly possible for men - so if you have a beard, I advise to you to kill two birds with one stone; simply buy a Remington and use it to trim the areas other trimmers simply can't reach.

Firstly I would have to agree that the sight of a finely mown front lawn is indeed a surprise and a veritable treat for the lucky recipient.

I too have been known to practice the art of pubic trimming since around the same time as the gazelle, well exactly the same time actually, and I believe that the benefits for the male strimmer are also worth the investment of a Remington beard trimmer. Although the asthetic will never quite match that of the female punani due to the unfortunate design of the male appendage, the results can still raise a delighted smile from ones SO. The fact that one has taken time to look good for their partner in an oft neglected area demonstrates a very intimate degree of respect.

Also, the checking out of the newly refurbished region in front of a full-length mirror can lead to a smug face usually connected with a 'pleased with purchase' viewing of a new item of clothing that looks even better that it did in the shop.

One word of advice, please find yourself a Remington beard trimmer as they have the vital extra accessories such as a small comb and brush as well as well spaced shaving grades - I had the annoyance of having my original stolen and made the grave mistake of purchasing a vastly inferior Philishave model, no extras and poorly space grades which, if you're not careful can leave you with a GI pubeline!

You can pick up beard trimmers for a couple of bucks in the right shops but personally I'd rather take to my nethers with a rusty nail than buy an inadequate trimmer.

You get what you pay for in the world of the dedicated pubic barber!