At 13, I was in a boarding school in Sussex, England, where I took 12 subjects, one of which was religion. From my desk in the coveted back row, I watched my very first religion teacher with great interest. She started off the school year reading from the Bible, but a few weeks into it, confided in us that she was receiving nightly telephone calls from God and that He was telling her what to teach us.

For some reason, God really wanted all of us to know in graphic detail what it was like to be nailed to a cross. So much so, that we got it directly from His lips, to her ears, to our ears, for a solid six months. We all thought this was a massively entertaining break from the other 11 subjects and evening prep. (homework) so we went along with it.

We listened to God’s detailed descriptions of nails ripping through flesh and the like. That is, until she stood up on her desk, spread her arms out, and for an hour acted out the entire crucifixion scene. Unfortunately, the head mistress walked in during her performance and she disappeared shortly after that.

In sixth grade, my math teacher pretended he WAS God. We were in an older building that we were soon going to be moving out of, and so he decided it would be alright to mess around with the air conditioning vents. One day, during a free period, he intoned through the airvents ''Hello, this is God.'' Kids began looking around, and some looked decidedly nervous. Then he shouted ''You! Right there! Don't think I don't know what you're doing!''. Nearly everyone jumped out of their seats, and one very nervous and shy boy suddenly burst out into tears. Everyone thought it was amusing after we found what was going on; nevertheless, the teacher got in trouble, and was nearly sacked.

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