Warning: This node will be most comprehendable to those familliar with the World of Darkness, and specficially Werewolf: The Apocalypse, though I think it's amusing enough that the general noding public might enjoy it. There. You have been warned.
So late one Saturday night, I was sitting around swapping old gamer war stories with fellow LARPers at Freak Manor. One person told of how our fastidious friend Joel had been forced to play a metis Garou NPC (translation: a non-player character who happened to be a werewolf born of two other werewolves) at a Grand Moot at NorwesCon several years previously. This would not normally have been a problem, but just to screw with Joel the Storytellers gave this NPC the Metis Deformity: Huge Ass. (According to the rules of the game, metis, being mules of a sort, are deformed in some fashion). So Joel, fashion-conscious as ever, was forced to walk around with two small pillows shoved down his pants for the duration of the game. He turned bright red whenever someone would draw attention to this fact... "Hey man, look at the ass on that metis!"
So fast-forward a few months in time. It's Norwescon 23, and I'm walking through the lobby of the Doubletree Hotel towards the elevators, going up to my friends' Presidential Suite to do some weekly role-playing for a Werewolf LARP that I was involved in at the time. A number of people who participated in the Grand Moot mentioned above were with me as well. About a a dozen yards from the elevators, we were rudely shoved aside by a large woman in a serious hurry. "'Scuse me, pard' me, 'scuse me!" she bellowed, as she plowed her way through the crowd of Klingons, elves and confused hotel guests. She got stuck in front of the elevator, as none were immediately available, and so she stood there, impatiently pressing the call button.
Looking at her closely, I noticed that she had a fairly normally proportioned head, neck, and torso, as well as proportionate legs. Her posterior, however, was larger both in breadth and thickness than any I had ever before seen, to the point where it gave the illusion of obesity. In other words, she had the biggest ass I'd ever seen.
We caught up with her, and got on the first arriving elevator. We hit the button for the top floor, and rode up chattering gaily amongst ourselves, discussing the joys of Being At Con. The lady got off on the floor before ours, and we exchanged glances as she got off. Each of us thought the same thing, but I managed to get it out first, as soon as the elevator doors closed:
"My god, did you see the ass on that metis?!"