A transformation of the famous Murphy's Laws to a setting easily recognized by DJs and club kids alike. §1. If a pickup can jump, it will. §2. A monitor won't. §3. The number of DJ groupies available are NOT proportional to the average R of your 12" records. §4. Fixed playing schedules aren't. §5. The main attraction of the line-up will leave early, or arrive late. §6. Noone cares about §5, since he always tears the roof off of the place anyway. §7. The product of R and C is inversed proportionally to A. (Snickars' Law of Rarity) §8. The number of DJ mixers > The number of earphones > The number of small-to-large-DIN-plug adapters. (Lif's General Number Assumption) §9. As P goes towards infinity, C goes towards zero. (Greiff's Law of Credibility) §10. The size of the DJ booth is always one half of the size needed for all the stuff people try to "leave there for a minute". R = Rarability of the record C = Credibility of the DJ/record A = Availability of the record P = Playability of the record

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