I've been noding Whitman for the last several weeks, and it's worn off on me. Feeding my cat by the window, this came to me:

Looking out in to the grey afternoon, I see a woman.
Walking her dog on the naked alley, striding quickly,
Not looking left,
Not looking right,
I see her,
and she is not alone.
I see a man loading boxes on to a truck, leaving behind his home,
I see him and he is not alone.
You, beneath the streetlights beyond my view, beyond my city, beyond my horizon
I know you and you are not alone.
You, on the mountaintop serene,
You, in the fields of toil and sweat,
You, in the empty plains,
You, in the distant and misty past,
You, on the future's foggy plateau,
What a great raucous crowd we form!
How like steel the bond between us!

May 5, 2000 | May 6, 2000 | May 7, 2000

Everything Statistics

           Statistics on day       -1     cur  l-ca  c-ca increase 
Total Number of Nodes:  496809  495664    1145  1377  1261
Total Number of Users:   14168   14155      13    32    45
Total Number of Links: 1305199 1291685   13514 17278 15396
Current node_id:        532061  530821    1249  1498  1374

Everything's Best Users

User         XP on day    -1  cur l-ca c-ca increase
Pseudo_Intellectual 9510 9453   57 128  93
dem bones           9371 9197  174 187 181
jessicapierce       9191 9156   35 222 129
pukesick            6431 6265  201 143 172
Saige               5942 5803  139 171 155

Server time: 01:18 Sat May 6 2000 
Your fellow noders (32)

cur = current, l-ca = last cumulative average, c-ca = current cumulative average

Still Waiting for Everything Snapshot.

I'm not too sure the way I did the cumulative average increase is the correct standard way of doing that statistics. Comments?

Now that writeups are the limiting value on my E2 Caste I have to think of more nodes to node ...
Malaysia, Malaysian Cars, Proton, Saga, Wira, Perodua, Kancil ...
Noded Invalid HTMLs ...

So it's about 2 AM here, I just got some gyros from this guy named Niro.

Really I swear.

I worked alot tonight so I think I shall sleep till noon or maybe 5 pm tomorrow.

I'm sure I will have some dreams to type for you folks upon awakening.

Oy! Insomnia! I don't have time in my schedule for being awake at this hour! I'm almost done packing for a semi-move, but I'm too tired to do anything further right now; I also need to transfer a bunch of stuff from a PC to a not-so-compatible iBook (Oh, look! A toy laptop! Ooh!), since I will be traveling light for a while, living out of a backpack, and depending on the phone lines of others until I actually settle down somewhere.

In all these weeks of spring cleaning and packing, I've stumbled on a lot of long-forgotten items, some of immediate use, like headphones, various old books (Desi's autobiography!), a Wire compilation, and some not-so-useful, like old classical guitar sheet music, and some hastily-scribbled immigration info vis-à-vis my grandparents. And I have no idea what I'll do with Call to Action, the slim paperback put together by the Reagan '76 folks. A scary little collector's item now. Is he still dead?

And in all these busy weeks, I haven't seen much of E2, and I still won't, for a while. I have been remiss in my perusing and editing duties, settling for ever-quicker bursts of drive-by noding on most days. I can no longer see the user-cooled nodes on the front page, since one has to log in to see them now, and, in these drive-bys, I just log in, barf some text into the Everythinguum, and scamper away without seeing that front page with all the cooled nodes on it.

But I checked out the new Cool Archive, and saw that all you nice people have cooled some of my nodes. /me thanks you! It doesn't matter that you've all cooled the wrong ones (TWAJS), it's the thought that counts. Thank you.

Happy day-after-Cinco-de-Mayhem!

I'm all out of Valerian. Oy!

Sometimes, things just work out for the better.

I had an end-of-semester gaming party planned tonight. I invited a bunch of people (7) over. Only two of them showed up (and one of them was 3.5 hours late). I was rather pissed. But in the middle of the evening, we got a knock on the door. It seems that one of the two who showed up had accidentally backed into and knocked over the neighbors' motorcycle, causing it some minor damage. Being the good host that I was trying to be, I went outside (since the two friends went out anyway). I got to talking to the neighbors. Turns out I've been living next door to a pair of otaku for four months without even knowing it. (The cool, laid-back kind, no less - they know anime, and are obsessed with certain aspects - the husband everything before 1984, the wife everything Pokémon, specifically the original Japanese cartoon, not the Americanized version - but didn't jump on me for liking Tenchi Muyo or Ghost in the Shell even though those were titles they hated.)

The wife pointed out that if it weren't for my friend Dan hitting the motorcycle, we'd never have actually started talking, and we'd not have known of the mutually-beneficial state of being neighbors. So Dan's accident ended up being a Good Thing.

After chatting for a couple hours, I invited the neighbors to join us and watch some anime (we settled on the first half of Macross Plus). It was Cool.

They're a bit obsessed with Pokémon though, but hey, that's okay. The wife works for Hastings and can get me discounts on CDs and DVDs. :) And, since it seems that Dan (who's also an anime fan) might end up being my housemate in the near future, there'll be all sorts of Japanese goodness. Hey, and there's a new sushi bar within walking distance of my house which I need to get around to trying.

Sometimes, things just work out for the better.

Not a good day at all.
Woke up sick. Husband and I went out to breakfast, one of the manager's joined us. He asked my husband if he went to the picnic. Yes, he told him he went for about a half an hour. There was a picnic? I asked. I would have liked to go to the picnic. The manager quickly finished his coffee and left. The thought is there and out of my mouth before I can stop it. Were you ashamed to take me? He says he only out in an appearance because he was told he had to be there by his boss, and this is true, he doesn't like company functions. Nevertheless, the thought has started running rampant in my head and I have to go to the restroom to cry there.

Number Two Son, husband, and I go out to Furr's for dinner. I've been trying to get the family together for dinner and a movie. I want to see Keeping the Faith something funny, hubby wants to see Final Destination. I have nightmares so I'm careful about the movies I watch and he usually waits till they're out on video to watch them, But today we can't agree.

Number One Son has to work so it's a no go on the Family Night Out. It's been a sucky day. I observe as we arrived at Furr's.
Yep, hubby agrees as we pull into the parking lot.

Inside there's a duo playing country music. I insist we sit where we can watch them play, something pleasant finally I think. Every old sad, jilted lover type song you can think of they play.

I am morose, You think they'll play something happy?
Husband, Wonder what you have to do to get a gig at Furr's?

That's it, the spell is broken and I'm laughing at the wry observation.

Next week, he continues, they'll be appearing at Burger King.

I am helpless, stifling giggles behind my hand for at least three minutes.

After dinner we go to Software Etc at the Mall. Number Two Son plops down his ten bucks from Uncle Riley to reserve Diablo II, Limited Edition (or Collectors edition, I can't recall which it was) Release date (ha ha) is now June 30 and Limited Editions will be in July 6th or so. There's six or seven guys lolling about the store. Most are looking at the software on the shelves. Three are idling by the register talking to the cashier, one with his nose stuck in a comic book, they dawdle off in a group when we come up to put the deposit down.

Leaving the store Number Two Son, whispers excitedly, This is a Geek Hangout!, a newly discovered niche for future reference, an awesome discovery on his part.

Now as a parent I've followed my sons into their areas of interest as a guide, to help if they want it, but mostly to try to understand, show an interest in things they like. I've been to sweaty locker rooms, dozens of basketball games and track meets with Number One Son, pretty much as I expected. However, the internet has been a learning experience for me; the culture, social structures and terminology , at a time in my life when I really needed something new to learn about. It's been a year now trying to understand the lifestyle he's heading for, becoming a part of virtual communities, I can say that I understand his experiences more than most.

It's not been easy for him. There are painful, tearful times. Like when some kids broke his glasses three times last year and the idiotic counselor wanted to put him in group counseling because, "He was acting like a second grader."

This is all reactionary fallout from the Colombine shootings on her part. I'm sorry, but when someone destroys my property as an adult, society makes sure there is a way for me to seek due process, they don't give me psychological testing and throw me into group counseling sessions with the person who destroyed my property.

I spent several weeks at the school taking McDonald's in and having lunch with him and his friends while the counselor circled the table like a hawk.
Mother Bear snarls at her to back off and hands her the receipt for the cost of the third pair of glasses. Now he seeks sanctuary in the library during lunch.

Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer everyone.
- Colossians 4:6 (NRSV)

I am more likely to speak well if I have first listened well when opportunities to say words of encouragement and support to someone in distress.


The morning looks good.
My guys worked hard yesterday, lots of things fixed. I think I'll be able to go home this morning around nine. One of my guys stayed late to help out another shop with their work load, the same shop he left a year ago because of problems with people in it.
The nice thing about other people is that sometimes they surprise you, and do wonderful things without provocation.
Must go home.
Wife, long haired girl, short haired girl, and the tadpole await. Will finish on Monday, so please, save your drive by down voting for then. People who down vote day logs are damn dirty apes and rat bastards anyway. Like saige says, It's like having your life voted down.
I am Jack's expensive Scandinavian furniture
Quick update. We got a new computer desk, the Ikea Timmermann to be exact. We (should really read, "My wife") needed this exact model because it has doors and fits in between our bookcases. It is a $500 desk.




Five hundred dollars. And I'm a cheap bastard at heart.

Well, we got their last one, and it had a couple of minor scratches, so they knocked a hundred off. You gotta love those Scandinavian furniture retailers. Deep discounts make us cheap bastards feel a little better.

There are so many changes. Not even in the tangible, but changes of my mind. My life being stirred up, shaken, poured back in reserve, boiled down, reduced. My own web site that I have neglected since its birth. Letters to mom. Emails, phone calls, bills.

They all get done eventually, and I am seldom late. But do I really get anywhere?

The alignment tech at work tells me a secret; he may be moving to Florida in a year, to be close to his son when his ex-wife moves there to be with her new beau. He will take his new bride to Florida so he can be near his son. He's 30. Why does he tell me this? Because I'm his friend, he says, because he can trust me. Because I have dreams of leaving too.

But my dreams are unfounded. I don't have any concrete reason other than the fact that I don't believe I should have ever been here. I don't know where to start, where to begin when the beginning was not under my control.

Do I move for love or for myself, for God or for just something to do? Or do I do it for all those reasons and just do it? When all I know is that I don't want to grow old and die in New Orleans, that leaves WAY too many open windows.

I could suffocate from all that fresh air.

I'm sitting in my office at work, in Metairie, as far from Jazz Fest as I need to get. The only time I ever went to Jazz Fest was the first time I visited New Orleans, about 6 months before my boyfriend at the time decided to move here, 6 month after which I followed. I guess I don't go for many reasons.

I don't like most of the local music, so why pay to see em when you can usually see em for free?
The food is overpriced and stuff only tourists would eat becuase they think we all ear that crap.
I don't find Hawaiian shirts with alligators on them or straw hats to be appealing attire.
I have no one who would go with me.

I tend to ruin most local festivities this way, because I am a local, I am a resident. Maybe I should lighten up, but it's hard to when tourism is what you've come to know as common so much that you can't bring yourself to be that daft anywhere you are.

I like the local things. Sitting at a CC's on Royal with the local French Quarter nutcases. Or feeding the ducks in Audubon Park. Walking the Riverwalk or sitting on my own front steps. Laundry at Schiro's. Dinner at Juan's.

I am eager to be a local somewhere else.

Vancouver has a sunny day. Will it stay sunny all day?

My mother is coming from Vancouver Island to visit, I'm going to take her rollerblading in Stanley Park.

I woke up early today, my mother is coming. I showered right after waking up, my mother is going to visit. I ate a real breakfast, mothers want you to do things like that everyday after all "breakfast is the most important meal of the day." I even cleaned my room a litte (yes not very well!), my mother never liked my dirty (what i call cluttered) room.

Well. Today I am one step closer to becoming a Wilderness First Responder - the final exam is tomorrow. Hooray for me. This, in turn, puts me a scant 80 hours of instruction away from my WEMT certification. Of course, I'll need to finish up my urban EMT first, which really pisses me off. I'm not the type to ride around in ambulances anyway.

I'm having a good day. I got up at 10:30a (after being up until 4:30a reinstalling Linux, BeOS, and Windows 2000 again) and met Sam and Derek at the Belmont stop on the Red Line. I was fifteen minutes late, but hell, they were like a half hour late last time we met in that manner.

We went to this place called The Apartment People on Broadway to look for an apartment to move into. It's become urgent because Derek's about done with school and he needs someplace to throw his shit.

We filled out a form with a little information about us, waited 45 minutes on the nice couch, then talked with Kim about places. We really sounded like tards. We finally found about 4 places, and she got her car keys (now is this real estate or what?) and we went to the places. The first one I called an electrician's nightmare. There were like 4 outlets in the whole three bedroom apartment. It was dirty too. The second one was nicer than the first, but dirty as all bloody fucking hell. The third was awesome. Garden apartment, but still cool. There was slight water damage on the living room floor, but otherwise, you could tell the landlord or whoever took excellent care of the place. We went back to The Apartment People and Kim strangely like morphed from this cool chick to like this real estate demon. We mentioned how we were looking at one more place Tuesday and she like instantly started with the "these places are going fast" speech. Blah.

After The Apartment People, we were on the way back and I wandered into Reckless Records. Sam was like "I guess we're going in here," and I was like "Yeah." So I was looking at their used electronic shit and Sam came up to me after a while and was like "We're taking off. We've gotta go to Chinatown to buy that sword." I was like "Ok. Come by my house when you get back." So they left and I was looking.

Like the past few days I've been dying for some new drum 'n' bass shit, so I was going through them. I picked out something called nonex and something else called the versatility compilation. I also grabbed Ec8or, just to see if it sucked or not. I love places with listening stations. I was enthralled with the versatility compilation almost immediately, and I do believe I will end up in love with this nonex thing, but the Ec8or CD sucked. It had good things to it, but it was way too much like Atari Teenage Riot (as in GET RID OF THAT FUCKING CHICK! SHE'S FUCKING ANNOYING AFTER A WHILE!!!). So I did what I never do and actually bought CDs at the store.

With Sam and Derek gone, I was in the state that I get into when I roam the city alone; I really can't explain; it's just a feeling. Anyways, I headed back to the train station, and on my way waiting for a light to change on the corner of Belmont and Clark, I was offered drugs. Nice. I then went to Chicago Comics, and bought myself the new set of the Simpsons Pez dispensers. They're way cool. I then proceeded back to the train, stopping on the way to go to the Kokomo Caffe and got a banana smoothie. It was the shit. I got on the train, and headed back.

As I'm walking home from the train stop, and I noticed who else but Sam and Derek ahead of me a bit on the sidewalk. I run up to them and said hi.

I don't know. Today was cool.

Recently, all I remember are disappointments.. Sometimes, it feels like my life is always the same, I look forward to a cool event, and I get disappointed. However, these are small disappointments, and I have a pretty nice life as a whole.. Gotta keep it in perspective.

  • Member of the opposite sex A and I were going to go somewhere to hang out and confuse people. Didn't happen.
  • Member of the opposite sex B and I were going to spend a day off from school together. Didn't happen.
  • Member of the opposite sex C and I were going to meet at six flags. Didn't happen.
  • There was going to be a Lan party today. Didn't happen.
  • I bought a used car yesterday. This morning I went to a parking lot to learn how to drive stick. After it died a few times it would not start again. Dead battery. My fault though -- I didn't take the car to a mechanic before I bought it. I figured since it was a friend of a friend's, the seller would inform me about any problems with the car..
  • My mouse has a short in it, causing the first button to sometimes report itself as up when I hold it down.. very annoying.

Well, in less than 6 months I should be attending college, in my own apartment, and free. Let's hope this happens!

Nothing much happened today, I was only reassured in the existence of Fate.

My high school prom was on Friday night, and afterwards a bunch of my friends went down to Wildwood for the weekend with mischief and mayhem in mind. I myself couldn't go. I knew for a couple weeks that I couldn't go because I had SAT IIs today (blah). Anyway, it was proposed to me that maybe I could come down later, after all the, party won't stop ragin'. Well, I still couldn't cause I had no car and no money. And when I really thought about it, I couldn't go for the further reason that I have a doctors appointment Monday which requires a urine sample, so I couldn't possibly have anything to drink. Basically I was screwed every way I turned. And I started to wonder if all this wasn't for a specific reason, but what could be so important to keep me away from my friends and a good time? Fate better have something really good up her sleeve, or I'm gonna be seriously pissed.

Woke up this morning at 8 am. This made for about 9 hours of good, solid, uninterrupted sleep. Had a bowl of ceral, and a few hours earlier, went to go help the rest of the neighbors pick up trash along our road. As part of the "adopt a highway" program, the neighbors on our street clean up the trash on the intersecting public highway once a year. In rural Virginia, this means removing empty light beer cans and Skoal packages from the ditch. Yet, this year, there was a little trash, so it wasn't too bad. Finds of the day: a hub cab and a disgusting, half decomposed wife beater. The apparent justification for the momentary lasp of sanity when volunteering for this thing (a job usually reserved for convicts) is, "It's a good way to get to know and socialize with your neighbors." This is why I don't get out more often.

The rest of the day was uneventful. I played a good bunch of Civilization: Call to Power. That game really eats through time. Each game always ends out the same for me. Eventually it gets to the point where I'm micro-managing 132 billion different things, and get frustrated (and bored), switch on cheat mode, and just nuke the shit out of everyone. I don't honestly believe anyone has the patience to get to the cool parts of the game, i.e. nukes, space/ocean cities, laser guns, alien cloning,ect, with out cheating. Also, since I was centuries ahead of everyone in tech (without cheating), explain to me how a machine gun wielding Marine can be taken down by a couple musketeers.
Sandstorm. After yesterday's brief depressive episode, today is m-u-u-uch better. I wake at ~10:00am, to enjoy coffee, expend votes, node, and shower. I think I did well to consciously examine some of the mucky stuff that's been bothering me, in last night's journal, and I catch hints of semi-conscious issues in this morning's dreams. Perhaps I have angrily distanced myself from my anima for too long, if it's such a struggle to "wrap myself" (that is, draw upon) in that "pink flannel blanket"... (i.e. the archetypically feminine strengths of nurturing and receptivity (refer to "yin}.) Bees perhaps represent my restless internal dialogue, which distracts me and chases me away from the school/church. Thank you Mr. Sandman, for the good night's rest.

Noon is the time I was supposed to be at Adam and Cris's "Couples Shower" (read: bridal shower where men are invited). It's just about an hour's drive across New Jersey from Clifton to Bloomsbury - I arrive at 1. Dave offers me a copy of the ILOVEYOU virus, he knows I find that stuff interesting. Very considerate. He also says I should just keep the copy of Baldur's Gate he lent me, he bought another copy. Garrett is thrilled that I will give L.A.I.R.E. a try. Charles and Jean-Anne are always good to see. Shopping the bridal registry at Fortunoff was a drag: they've cohabited for 7 years, they really don't need any more housewares. Cash is crass in theory, but I mean it much more than I could possibly mean a table lamp or frying pan. Two sunburn Saturdays in a row. I smoke 3 cigarettes (2 grubbed, one offered).

Garrett invited me to catch Gladiator tomorrow, with a gang of maybe 20 other people. It sounded good at the the time, but I should know: two days of social activity in a row, consuming most of the weekend, is too much for me. - I mean, okay, I can handle it if I have to, but I prefer more quiet time. I will probably back out.

I am informed that I am one of the people who cools Datagirl the most. I had no idea.

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