Because I am new to this I want to ask you werty how do you keep from crying every time she walks into the room?

Even though the doctor confirmed the 85% probability of it the day after Number Two Son’s graduation, Hubby is out there in the kitchen doing the dishes as I type this yelling,

I CAN’T DO THIS BECAUSE I HAVE A BAD KIDNEY!!!

It makes me laugh—every time.

We will tell our sons on Monday.

Oh, Lord. This is why I don't have a blog.

When you have a blog, you make a promise to your users that you will write consistently and well, on a regular basis. These little mental tortures are sporadic and uneven.

For three years, I have been living on a substitute relationship with Myles. He was my stuffed boyfriend, my icon in the corner. I never need feel lonely, living in hope. I should have known we would never be together. I should have known two and a half years ago, when I realized he didn't think of our relationship in the same way that I did. 

A month ago, Myles called me, piss drunk. He told me he loved me. He told me I was the only one for him. He had done this many times over the years. These incidents allowed me to live in hope that things would change. But this time, I told him I was going to start seriously looking for a boyfriend. A real, in the same state, can touch, and hold, and stroke face of boyfriend. I posted an ad on craigslist, one of the most bland ads I have ever posted. I received a few responses, and started to talk to one of them.

An Abbreviated Description of the First Date:

Online flirtation. In person meeting. Watching television on the couch. Furtive questions. Casual brushings of hands against forearms. Awkward kiss on cheek. More conversation. Cuddling in bed. Clothing shed. Observation and catalouging of physical differences. Conspicuous avoidance of touching between. Eye contact. Fingertips between. Tip of tongue between. Cocoa butter. Inside. Eye contact. Head banging against wall. Eye contact. Tongue across tongue. Eye contact. Vulnerability. Shower. Kiss in doorway.

I have seen him since, but I haven't heard from him since yesterday. And I am freaking the fuck out. I am the opposite of aloof. I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am a mess.

This doesn't happen to guys like me. I am the one who is pursued. I am the one who is aloof, hard to get.

What the fuck?

 

Limerick #1

There once was a woman named Dinah,
Who would hide stars inside her vagina,
      One day she fell over,
      And went supernova,
And parts of landed her in China.

Limerick #2

Let me tell you all about Charlie,
That boy could suck-start a Harley,
     He'd fondle my mast,
     With an expert grasp,
As a coxswain he handled it yarly.

she's drunk

again

& swearing

all her whiskey-wet love

to me

&anyone who'll listen.

swaying on my arm &

pressing bourbon'd lips

hot against my throat

she tells me

that her man

is the closest thing

to me

she's found

"so far."

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