May 11, 2000 | May 12, 2000 | May 13, 2000

Everything Statistics

Statistics               stats   wa7   inc  l_stats l_wa7
Total Number of Nodes:  506932  1766  1643  505289  1786
Total Number of Users:   14364    41    29   14335    43
Total Number of Links: 1412318 18957 17197 1395121 19250
Current node_id:        542784  1874  1740  541044  1896

Everything's Best Users

Users                  XP wa7 inc   l_XP l_wa7
Pseudo_Intellectual 10299 166  57  10242 184
dem bones           10093 134 238   9855 117
jessicapierce        9901 105  39   9862 116
pukesick             7114 119  87   7027 124
DMan                 6634 147 163   6475 214
Saige                6626 205 151   6471 144

Server time: 00:50 Fri May 12 2000 
Your fellow noders (34)


l_ = last (previous) value
inc = increase in stats value
wa7 = ((stats + (6 * l_wa7))/7) = weighted average with denominator 7


Now I use "wa7" instead of earlier "wa2" (that I previously called "c-ca"). Thanks to /dev/joe for help regarding weighted average (more). In short this "wa7" smoothen the value of the stats for the daily increases.

Still Waiting for Everything Snapshot.

To node ...
Malaysia
E2

i wish i could live off a pill. i hate making decisions about eating. just 1200 perfectly balanced calories in a gel-tab. reserve real food for special occasions. the occasional steak-and-asparagus-a-la-craig.

is this weird? when i think about it, it doesn't seem so odd. i am terribly indecisive and this is just a facet of that. how much and what are just right for healthy living? is this node a sign of an obsession?

i am so angry. some ultra-trendy people i know are fasting. they're waving the golden fleece just out of my reach. in the past six years that my family has known about my freakish problems with food, i've had the message pounded into my head that it's bad bad bad. i know what my hipster friends would say about it. it's not bad unless taken to an extreme. but i consider his goal of a one month fast to be pretty extreme. i have a strange desire to physically hurt him in some way, though i don't really understand why. i don't know if i'm angry that he supplied the devil on my shoulder saying "do it" to counter the angel saying "don't" or if i'm jealous of him.

i saw in the new nodes nodelet something along the lines of would you know if you were insane?, but i've not read it because i don't know the answer and am a bit hesitant to read anyone elses theories on it. i don't want to know.

in the morning i'll probably feel retarded that i wrote this; so quickly my moods change. i'm going to go try to sleep this off.
I have this on and off friend. I don't really understand him because he is really sweet to me and then he doesn't follow up. I use to see him everyday but now I only see him when I make the effort. He has this veneer of niceness that is almost real but not quite and it has taken me quite a long time to figure this out. He makes me feel like I have a close relationship with him but upon further inspection I've come to realize I don't really know him at all. It's weird because I am able to spend quite a lot of time with people with out ever becoming close to them. Sometimes I just retreat, refuse to be a part. When I am around these people I get this sick almost jealous feeling like maybe I want to be a part of them but I can't be.

I've found in being away from home this year that everything has become clearer. I can get farther away from a situation and understand what is going on. I'm not incredibly intelligent, or socially charming, sarcastic, whatever, but I can see what is approved. I can get far enough away, get enough perspective to see when people are being silly, dumb, unfunny, what-have-you. In some situations people are able to take these comments and people and accept them and make the comment into something good. When this happens it gives the person a support and their best side comes through. This allows the person to become intelligent funny or, at the least, endearing. In other situations the person is cut down for these comments. They are belittled, pummeled with sarcasm, and even when the person doesn't understand this animosity, they feel the vibe and only become less bearable. This I believe is the worst way to treat people. In an environment like this I usually become mute. I don't want to be treated in that way if my conversation is constantly judged, nit-picked for some way in which to bring me down, to prove themselves better. And I also don't want to become someone who is attacking another person, albeit subtly.

I think that is why there are some people I can't get close to. Earlier this year I had a friend (she moved on) who was able to become both physically, emotionally, and mentally close to people in like a couple of hours. It was incredible. She picked me as a friend and suddenly it was like a warm glow had come into my life. She was loving and giving and on a spiritual quest. I was an atheist, hardcore, but she had magic. At one point in my life my mother said she believed in energy, I didn't really understand. Now I believe in energy, I believe in the oneness of us all, and the right of everyone to be treated in a humane and kind way. There are many other things I am beginning to be more open towards. I don't feel such a closed off ness. It's like being in the rainforest when the sun shines through, and the moss is so green and the mist refracts the sunlight and all the different ways, and I just know that there are fairies under that log:) No really it’s openness, it’s allowing for the idea of something previously classified as impossible and it is clothed in beauty. She left and it’s been hard to keep that warm glow in my life but I try, I try to connect with people everyday, and let them know how much they matter to me. It's a directness of a hug, a real hug in which you love the person, or a touch; it’s a true conversation where one doesn't hold back. It's bathing someone in your love-light. I'm not able to do it properly or even remember that it is what I want to be doing but... There is always tomorrow.
The gym teacher told me today "You are getiing so strong, can you believe it!?!" She's the best at encouraging me. It wasn't all that long ago it was a victory to walk to the corner and back:)

Found Chubby Checker's Limbo Rock my e-mail from Number Two Son. We share the computer and sometimes we e-mail stuff. I told him about the kids up the street playing that song the other day so he downloaded it for me and sent it as a surprise for me this morning. He's gonna get a BIG HUG for that one!

Pat yourself on the back knarph! Number Two Son had a paper as part of his final grade. He needed 15 events that happened in the 90's that would most likely be remembered in history. Last night he used the search here on Everything and gathered what he needed from your nodes.

God's Promises

The mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you.
- Isaiah 54:10 (NRSV)

During the turbulences and upheavals I am experiencing, I realize how little I can do about my situation. Being reminded of God's steadfast love, I no longer feel overwhelmed by by fear and uncertainty. Sometimes God works in ways we cannot see or understand. I believe God will make a way where there seems to be no way.

Devotion

/me cues up cheesy introductory music:

Today is a day that will redefine the computers that are deployed in The Library Cafe in Brooklyn College.

We will have updated software!

Cheesy music ends.

The computer-savvy crew of the "Library Café" (me, and two guys -- the BSD-learing girl didn't join in) are going to update the software used in the computers. We've made a single computer with the new software, and made an image of its hard drive using Drive Image from Powerquest. Afterwards, we install the image to the other fifty-odd computers and manually adjust the settings and desktop graphics to those that identify the computer's number.

Starting tomorrow, it'll be a long day's night for me.

The best part of today at work is the fact that one of the campus newspapers' editors visited the place. She wanted to know if she can print a Photoshop file saved. Fortunately, the file is intact when it was read in one of the PCs, so it's was great. Being the nice nutty woman that she is, she gave me a kiss on the cheek. She also suggested that I should return the newspaper's office and be the equivalent of the System Administrator of the Macintosh computers for $60 a week... I'm not a mercenary, but I can use that money for some of my hobbies...

The software layout for the computers in the Library Café:

Happy 280th Birthday Karl Friedrich Heironymous Baron von Munchausen, wherever you are.

(Yes, I know this is short, but it needed saying.)

Argh my stupid STUPID bank!

(pant, pant)

Okay, I had today off from work. Mmm. I slept a lot. I woke up at exactly 6:13, which is when my alarm normally goes off. Silly physiology, trix is for rabbis. Satisfied the cat god, slept some more, ate some chickpea stir-fry, it was all good. Go to deposit my paycheque. Hey, weird, I have like, $100 more than I think I should. Who can complain? Go watch a movie - Being John Malkovich - extremely excellent. Boyfriend seems to have disappeared in to outer space (poor hax0r, lost in space..) instead of movie theatre, so I don't stay for The Matrix. Come home, check out my bank's online account thinger. AHH! You WHAT? You BOUNCED my cheques? I have over-draft protection, fuckers! I have fucking eight hundred fucking dollars in my account and you can't settle cheques for ONE hundred dollars? And I get to pay forty dollars for the PLEASURE? AHHGDHSGGF

Now, to be fair, my bank is excellent. They're community based, their internet banking is excellent, they're committed to social responsibility, they partner with charities, they're just the greenest (in a good way) bank in town. But AGGHHHHHHH I hate having random mis-entering of data work against me. I work as a mutual fund administrator, you'd think I'd understand that mis-keying just plain happens sometimes, but aghhhh it hurts. Sigh. People are so uptight about money, myself included.

So, the customer service girl (that's another nice thing - 24 hour phone line for account help) tells me that their system says I (a) have no overdraft protection, (b) am an undergraduate, and (c) am unemployed. Great. My bank account has apparently been having out of body experiences as a comp sci student with poor credit. aHJGFGADFILSHAHSKGHFSF,DHGKJKGHWEKFGHFHGKG

Fortunately, my dad the co-signer on the account, is in my corner and we'll go get it reversed in the morning. But BLAHEHHCC.

I bought a bag of discounted vegetables from the safeway today, and some ranch dip. The veggies were stale and the dip was gross. I don't know why I bought more vegetables. I have like, 8 heads of organic broccoli and 3 bags of organic carrots and zillions of oranges and potatoes and celery and snap peas at home, which I'll never be able to eat before they go bad. I feel like I've been going in reverse all day.

But yesterday kicked ass. I joined the choir at the unitarian church (unitarian, not united. non-creedal, not christian.), the Chalice choir, and went to a practice for the first time. It was rad. one of the old choir ladies went to my high school in like the 30s and was chatting me up about it. The music was lovely. The director is such a wonderful, warm, motherly woman. Everyone was laughing. It was a good scene. I came home bubbling and sang to my cat until midnight. Everything balances out. Tomorrow will be just fine. juuusssst fine. Pretty please?


Update: We kicked their ass, and now my bank is going to send money to the folks who got the cheques returned, AND a letter of apology. Woop! Now I'm off to the dutch pannekoek house to celebrate with my hax0r, who was rescued from outer space.

Not a good day. Some rotten things happened and I felt like slitting my throat. Or, at least, flinging myself onto the bed and sobbing into the pillow. Hysterically. To escape reality, I browsed through Everything 2 and stumbled onto the greatest moment of your life node. What was the greatest moment of my life? I couldn't think of one, not even any semi-alright ones. Maybe an incident I mentioned in a particular "getting to know you" node...

Then I remembered a few weeks ago in London, walking on Tower Bridge about 4.30 or 5 p.m. It was cool and sunless. I was one of a stream of people heading south on the Bridge: workers going home, tourists, three small boys on bicycles. I gazed at the sights: the Bridge below my feet and above me, the Tower of London behind to the right, the Thames below on both sides, the South Bank ahead, HMS Belfast moored in the river ahead to the right. Walking along, I realized that right then I was happy and at peace, and I wanted it to last forever. If only I could remain there, high above the Thames and between its banks, looking at the bright grey sky and London all around. Of course, it couldn't be. I had to reach the other side and step off the Bridge.

But the memory of that sense of peace and well-being hasn't left me. That time put today into perspective, just a speck of dust in the universe of existence. Later I passed a café that was playing Garbage’s Milk, and everything did seem okay after all.

-/+


I have missed my second consecutive girl scouts Father-Daughter Dance.

May 12, 2000 marks the occasion of yet another significant event I have been unable to attend due to my committment to the freedom of the citizens of the United States. Ok, I'm really committed to the fact that I would owe the government a solid $100K if I got out, but I'm sure you get the point. The list of events includes my wife and daughters' last three birthdays, every anniversary my wife and I have had, and numerous school assemblies, athletic events, and doctors' appointments. My dad and my brother accompanied my daughters to the dance last night. Thank goodness I have a close family who will pick up my slack.
I have a new office, and I keep smelling strange scents at my desk.

I'll be sitting at my desk, quietly working, and disgusting smells will suddenly waft up for which I can find no source. So far, I have identified fresh dog shit and stinky feet. Very strange. As to the feet, hey, I know what you're thinking, and it could be me, but I do keep them safely encased in boots which usually prevents smell leakage. As for the dog crap, there are no dogs on the ship, and unless someone has played a practical joke on me or the previous desk owner, I don't know how the smell gets here.
I am sick and tired of the organization, complexity, and uniformity enforced by the Navy.
I realized last night that in the head (Ship jargon for bathroom, toilet, loo, etc.) I use, the toilet stalls are numbered. Each door has a red number on it for no apparent reason. I assume that they want to be able to easily distinguish one from the other in case they have to ask someone to come and fix it. Rather than saying, "Yeah, it's the one overflowing with urine and feces", they can simply ask them to fix Number n. Frankly, I'm just a little tired of the need to compulsively number or label everything, so I'm going to perform some minor modifications and slight civil disobediance. I plan on removing the numbers and replacing them with names. Not 'alice' or 'bob', but nice descriptive names like "Ms. Look at my ass because this toilet has no lock", and "Mr. Blows-water-all-over-you-when-it- flushes-jangles".

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