I’m hear to say that the Good Old Boys club is alive and well in spite of any group of women who would care to call themselves feminists or even feminazis for that matter.

My husband has been suffering from some sort of lung ailment for well over a year now. The good ole boy docs will tell ya it’s only been nine months. It’s taken them twelve months to discover a lesion on his kidney.

About 15 years ago, when I started teaching at a local Catholic school I asked Hubby to put some cup hooks in the ceiling so I could hang the kids work from them. Later the principal told me that the ceiling (and floor tiles ) were made of asbestos.

Guess what the epidemiology for kidney tumors are for asbestos exposure? First the lungs and then the kidneys. They are still trying to say it’s valley fever, even though there has never been a positive test for it.

Meanwhile I have to put on my happy face because Number Two Son is graduating from college this week.

Hubby is going to see a urologist who will probably do a biopsy and then we ‘re back to the pulmonologist for a lung biopsy—after a year. I have also tested positive for TB. Do you think any of them will even go so far as to acknowledge that or the asbestos exposure? No, not on my lifetime. Hubby won’t even bring either of my concerns up.

Today the doctors called and asked if hubby was “better”?

No, I said he is the same.

“Oh he’s better.”

”No ma’am, he is the same

I'm disabled and all I want are some answers, some reassurances that my husband is not going to have cancer and die and leave me all alone. Ya know it's called peace of mind, may I have some please?

I appreciate the kind messages from a couple of concerned readers. I knew I could rely on some haters downvoting me and is one of the major reasons I consider pulling my work off of E2 and keeping it in a blog. This is not fiction. It is here because I need a place to vent where my kids can't read it. We haven't told them yet.

your critique is the way
you can't imagine not feeling : divine justification,
&the world just doesn't understand

It's the way you say it that matters
says her naïve captor
There can be no sin greater than false communication
(or so he believed passionately before the events to be)

and if Beauty be not true,
a witness I shall be to the Unholy
Unmaking of love and mathematics

inevitably an alarm call—
Withhold from us
the Meaning of Purity and Joy.



For ushdfgakjasgh

Pantoum #1

My heart is hurting, needs to break,
So I may carry forth the day,
Rip myself from emotion's sway,
Stop being so sad, for God's sake.

So I may carry forth the day,
Wear a smile, even if it's fake,
Stop being so sad, for God's sake,
And throw myself into the fray.

Wear a smile, even if it's fake,
The time's come and gone for delay,
Must throw myself into the fray,
Or throw myself into the lake.

The time's come and gone for delay,
Admit that this was all mistake,
Or throw myself into the lake,
and push the pain of life away.

Admit that this was all mistake,
Rip myself from emotion's sway,
and push the pain of life away,
My heart is hurting, needs to break.

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