I have a date today and I am terrified.
Me: "5 hours on the phone with a girl"
Friend: "Those 900 numbers are expensive"
I know my friend pretty well, I know he's trying to be funny. I even know it's not that bad of a joke. It's MY needs that get in the way of being able to appreciate the joke.
Even if my friend were the psychological prodigy I'd like to think I am, there wasn't enough time for him to grasp everything I was saying. Even as needy as I am, I can't talk to a woman for 5 hours if things are not going well.
So I'm scared.
I'm not the kind of guy, at least I THINK I'm not (it's so hard to be objective about your own life), that holds back with a woman because I'm scared. It's not like I ever shy away from talking about my feelings and all the stuff you associate with someone pulling away due to fear. I like to think my fear is very reality based. There are reasons for the patterns we find ourselves in.
What I fear is that I've found another off-the-charts-intelligent, ambitious (learn to spell it) woman who is going to fall in love with me but ultimately it won't work out because our goals in life our different. And what is my goal in life?
It's all about my unholy trinity, isn't it? Sex, comedy, and games. Sex for my body, games for my mind, and comedy for my soul. I am not a gambler, I do not want to risk serious amounts of time pursuing things I perceive motivate others but do not motivate me. I think fame, seeing places around the world, and lots of other things possibly equated with success in this life are good examples.
I'm scared that I'm the one who is right.
Maybe it's all the rich girl's fault. I dated a rich girl 10ish years ago. We were only together maybe 2 months, but I had fallen for her and got really hurt when she ended it. She hated when I called her rich.
"22 year olds do not own their own planes"
"My father bought it, not me!"
These ambitious, world changing women like to slum it with me though. I can be very seductive.
I suppose there is no use in my fear, though. No use worrying about it. I am not the guy that holds back. I am the idiot who watches a chick flick and thinks that is what women really want. I believe you have to give people the opportunity to do the "right" thing.
So why complain? Why be honest about all this crap? Because I think some of you will really love it. This is the story so many of you women want to hear. And it just reinforces those silly chick flick notions I have. It's all about love and romance and the excitement of meeting someone new.
She is so new. None of you knows her. She's completely unprotected. I don't worry "oh X might read this and know I'm talking about Y, and X wouldn't like that."
There is still the possibility of being cut down before we get started, too. Men get the bad rap about being shallow and what not, but isn't it just some basic attraction that women have labeled chemistry that determines if they let us into a position where they can REALLY hurt us?
That's right men, represent.
I am not delusional. When I played poker in Colorado and was joined by a stunningly beautiful cocktail waitress from another casino, I never actually thought I was on Candid Camera. I am talking about The Doubling Cube Woman.
"Oh, I love games, I grew up playing games."
Bullshit! Women do not love games. Not in and of themselves. Sure women take an interest in their boyfriends activities. Sure women go to Magic tournaments so they can have a throng of men and boys drool over them. But LOVE? Don't tell me about love. Certainly not when you dare use it in the same sentence as the G word.
G is so my favorite letter.
So she starts to convince me she knows something about games and Backgammon comes up.
"Do you use the doubling cube?" I asked.
I can't remember what she said. I can't remember if it was her voice or they way she looked. I only remember I had literally asked the stupidest question in the history of the known universe.
But I did good. In retrospect I would have tried to make something happen with her that (for those Freud lovers I would like to let you in that I originally typed "last" instead of "that" The math is left for the student) night. But I found her soon enough and I felt I had gotten to her in time, she asked if I would be interested in going to one of their game nights sometime and she got my phone number.
And when she never called I didn't give up. Not for the Doubling Cube Woman. I went back and talked to her and probably was completely oblivious to the fact I had missed my chance and I got HER number. I called. I left messages. It never happened.
I know what happened, and there is a damn interesting epilogue. You see, the night I played poker with her was special for another reason. I was so attracted to this woman I had always tried to flirt or just simply interact with her when she served me at the casino. She had never given me a damn thing to work with.
Until she played poker with me. Was it because we were on neutral ground and she wasn't at work? No. She mentioned eventually about her recent break up. And that is why I should have struck that night. Women are terrible at giving second chances.
So not too long after I gave up and stopped calling her I saw her with her man again and understood everything. They were obviously all hunky dory again. Who knows, maybe it was threat of bringing some young stud to game night that made that asshole realize he was fucking things up with a woman that knows you are retarded if you don't use a doubling cube. Oh, you play chess? Do you use pawns? Oh, I've played Scrabble, but tell me, Do you use the vowels?
And now the epilogue. I see this asshole responsible for me not having a chance with The Doubling Cube Woman in Vegas years ago. He is with another woman. Seriously? You bag of douche. I hate you. For once in my life, at least, I was non-confrontational.
So that was The Doubling Cube Woman. And now I've met a new woman. I've already pegged her. Oh, did I mention she did stand up comedy for 5 years?
Wish me luck. Tonight I'm dating The Woman that Cried when Carlin Died.