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I am in a Wendy’s somewhere off 400N. Everyone hates me at home and it is full of high school boys here.

Man, you lucky as hell! Sister your age, bring her friends over all the time I bet.

I cain’t say nothin cause I’m goin out with her friend!

...fuck her... drunk as hell!

Hell yeah!

Is it your baby?

Hell no, it’s her baby!

Kristin Oliver is 8 and spreadeth truth. Mike played word-association with her the other day. Mushrooms! she said. Psychedelics! said Mike. Mikedelics!

my claims of social awkwardness are mostly crap.

tomorrow is Good Friday which = no work which = I will go see Pete while Mike’s in the museum, then go look at apartments. Ivan may be the 3rd. I realized that Bridget Jeffs, the girl with leukemia, is in my group, or would be if she were here. I don’t remember her, though I’m told she was here for my first few weeks. Some teacher is having surgery and there’s a request for O blood on the bulletin board.

Dan wants me to go to some concert with him next week – some band whose name is not Spectre but that’s all I can think of and he thinks I would like them. What I mostly like is Dan.

Finished Childhood’s End today by completely neglecting the kids.

later. home. edebroux on the phone so I am in study lounge. I went up to Dan’s which was a bad idea – too many people. Is this chemical? this can't just be part of the artistic perspective. crap I just want to sleep and it’s only half from weariness. I just want to talk to somebody about this but I can't think of any options. crash, crash burn.

Shot Down

i remember hoping i would cease to exist
looking down at the barren ground
and seeing my reflection
a sad rejection accepted
i drowned in pity and inhaled stinging water
she told the truth i needed to hear
i stood there, waiting for rain
as the spring breeze grazed my hair
something could be as miserable as me
inside my head, the downpour abused me
controlled me, and forced breathing
no matter how hard i tried, i couldn't stop
i heard laughing, but stood my ground
waiting to vanish
if i couldn't die, i would be invisible
waiting for her answer, she stayed away
and never spoke
a sad rejection accepted
i stood in the rain, and disappeared

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