Note: This node is prefixed with the word Journal for a reason. If you are expecting a factual, coherent writeup that is not someone whining about his personal life, go away.

When I was in elementary school my family had everything. We lived in an country club, we had a nice, roomy house.. My parents owned a BMW and a Toyota Supra. My dad might buy a new car just for its color. We had a maid. This was because my dad worked in the oil business.

My mom didn't have a job. My father is a fair amount older than my mother - I don't know exactly, but I'd guess about 10 years. My parents met at my father's workplace. My mother was a secritary. In retrospect I have the suspicion my mother married for money.

In the 80s, the price of oil took a horrible, horrible dive. My parents hadn't really saved much, believing they would always be rich. I don't remember exactly how much it effected our lifestyle except for a few things (I was young.) I remember them selling the BMW. When I asked why, I was told an oil leak. Now it is obvious that isn't the real reason they sold it.. Well, maybe it was, metaphorically.

Other than the car being sold, I don't really remember any other negative effects that the price drop had on us. Until one day. I was home alone, and someone knocked on the door. I answered it, and the man told me he was from the government. He said he would be taking some measurements, around the outside of the house, and to not worry if I saw him outside. I really didn't know what this meant, but I didn't ask, either.

Later (I don't remember how), I learned what had happened. It turned out that my father had not paid taxes for many years. My mother did not know as she left all the finances to my father. The IRS was taking our house. My parents were getting a divorce.

They let me choose which one I wanted to live with. Because I felt so betrayed by my father I chose my mother. Then I did not know that my mother was freeloading off my father, so to speak.

Fast-forward six years later. I am a senior in high school. My mother is jobless. We live in a one bedroom apartment. We live solely off the $2,000 that my father (in North Dakota -- I'm in Texas) provides to my mother every month (out of his own free will.) My mom sits at home and watches TV all day. She takes Prozac, and god knows how many other drugs.

Before I quit my job a few weeks ago, I was working and going to school while my mother was doing nothing. Now I'm going to school, taking AP classes and doing well. However I have no family life. I can barely bring myself to talk to my mother. I don't drive (can't afford insurance), I'm not involved in school, and I don't have a social life. Is this what being a high school senior is supposed to be all about?

I feel like I'm living out of habit. I can barely bring myself to do homework because it seems so pointless. I can only do homework with the aid of extreme time pressure. Here's to hoping college life will be better...

I dreamt i was a fish swimming in a polluted lake(i guess it was one of the great lakes), the city was above me and as hard i tried.. i couldnt stop seeing the shimmering reflection of huge office buildings and dark billowing smog. i'd go deep down to the bottom and hide amid abandoned cars and watch the sharks swim around in trepidation. My gills were getting itchy.

I spend the majority of the day complicit in acts which annoy innocent (and not-so-innocent) subway passengers, as part of the film crew for Rocky Moonie's new episode (at long last)! We hop cars from Manhattan into Queens. Also, I am not allowed to forget it is my birthday.

I saw her again for the first time since Spring break. I waited anxiously by the phone for a few hours, and finally she called and invited me over for spaghetti. After dinner we returned to my place with the pretense of watching a movie, but first we talked for a while, which led to cuddling and making out. Eventually we did put the movie in the VCR, but we watched maybe 20 minutes of it total, since we were having way too much fun rolling around on the floor. She is the most passionate person I have ever met.

I am falling in love again, and I couldn't be happier.

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