Manda Rin was my hero growing up. When I was in about 8th grade, I stumbled upon Bis
by pure accident. I instantly stopped listening to my stupid angst ridden 14ish year old girl music
and listened to the pseudo-pop sounds of Bis. I was attending a stupid, elitist private school. At this time, everyone hated me. All of the girls listened to general cookie cutter pop crap
. So much value was placed on appearance. I was chubby and bitter.
So was Manda Rin. I think the only thing thing that saved me from caring so much about weight and hating myself because I didn't fit in was the music I was currently listening to. The lyrics made me realize how shallow all of that was and gave me confidence not to care.
I didn't lose my bitterness. I embraced it. I thrived off of songs and agreed with their lyrics like Monstarr ("don't steal their confidence, its not yours to take. I don't wanna be a model, at least I'm not fake.") I wanted to be like how they described Manda in Heroine, (I am sure that song was about her.) "Shes not skinny but proud, she will pose in the nude." I admired the security I was sure she had.
She may not have been as secure as I made her out to be, but she is still my hero. I may not be a secure as I wanted to be. In a world of eating disorders and superficiality it is hard to have unshakable confidence. Regardless of it she actually had it or not, the thought of her made me feel assured that appearance wasn't the most important thing in the world... and thats what I owe her the most for.