Oh me oh my oh, look at Miss Ohio
She’s a-runnin' around with the rag-top down
She says I wanna do right but not right now

I'm not supposed to love you. We know this. And it's just cliche to say that's what gives it its unique blend of forbidden fruit appeal and genuine beliefs that we truly are smarter than the system. Some things just can't be forced. They can't be forced to happen, and they can't be forced not to happen. How could something that just works despite everything that's happened be wrong?

Gonna drive to Atlanta and live out this fantasy
Running around with the rag-top down
Yeah I wanna do right but not right now

"I think I like you a lot more than I probably should," you said. I thought I heard you clearly but I was also engrossed in massaging your back. We were both naked to the waist, and I'd smeared coconut-scented massage oil on your skin. You were lying face down on your bed, I straddled your waist and buried my fingers in your gradually relaxing muscles. It saddens me to think of all the women, you included, who have told me I must clearly love what I do because I go to every last measure to relax every muscle and open pathways for even greater pleasure through not-overtly sexual but sensuous touch. Cynical is not a strong enough word to describe those people, male or female, who don't see the value, the sheer raw intimacy.

I leaned in closer, resisting the urge to nip at your ear but unable to resist whispering, "I know I like you that much."

Your boyfriend was in the other room, ostensibly privy to what we were up to. I won't lie, that took away some of the thrill. Not much, but some. We more than made up for it in the dangerous thrill department though. I still remember sitting by the creek, within a fair view of a moderately traveled street. My back was to you, you wrapped your legs around my waist and rubbed my shoulders. It was early evening and the sun had barely begun to set. My shirt kept coming up, your fingers trailed over my sides while mine reached awkwardly behind me, between your legs, without even meaning to. Both of us letting what came natural guide us, rather than what we believed others thought we should or should not be doing, for once.

Had your arm around her shoulder, a regimental soldier
An’ mama starts pushin' that wedding gown
Yeah you wanna do right but not right now

"We can do anything we have to do to make it. We can cheat and steal. We can lie to anyone for any reason if we have to, just as long as we never lie to each other."

My only regret, since there always has to be one, is that he witnessed our first kiss. I thought I had long since stopped granting any rank to something as mundane as a kiss, but I am a romantic at heart and a kiss that stirs a fire like this one is certainly noteworthy. And I got it. Oh God did I ever get it. I will never again laugh at the "mushy, barfy, romantic bullshit", believe that.

I know all about it, so you don’t have to shout it
I’m gonna straighten it out somehow
Yeah I wanna do right but not right now

You indulge my deep appreciation for having sex while high. If I recall we share the same...affinity...if you catch my drift. The only difference is, I could see myself enjoying sex with you sober, something I have not said about just anyone. I see multiple orgasms without any chemicals to ply my already addled brain. The fact that our first time I came at least ten times, at least twice simply from kissing you and at least once from holding you as you shuddered your release against my body is proof positive that this is feasible.

Oh me oh my oh, look at Miss Ohio
She's a-runnin’ around with her rag-top down
She says I wanna do right, but not right now
Oh I wanna do right but not right now

"I've never before wanted to be with a girl. I mean be with a girl, like a serious type thing. The more time I spend with you, the less I feel that way." I have never in my life expected to hear this in a context where it was a true full-blown soul-searching thing. But whenever we kiss, I can tell it's a moment that does and perhaps always will allow us both to let our respective guards down long enough to do the thing that lingers in our thoughts in varying intensities. The way you wrap your arms around my waist, pull me back against your chest, remembering that anything to do with my neck or ears is just asking for it. Sometimes I put my head back and our cheeks touch. You told me several times before that made you nervous, having someone's face so close to yours. I get it because I'm the same way. But that night, as we sat there staring at the calm water, reflecting back on everything we'd been through in such a short time, we realized just how strong we really were, how we survived, rediscovered our fighting edge, through each other.

And continue to grow only closer.

I wanna do right, but not right now
Oh I wanna do right but not right now


Containing lyrics from, and inspired by Look At Miss Ohio by Gillian Welch.

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