Arby's roast beef sandwiches are made with kangaroo meat!

You know those crunchy things in crunchy peanut butter? Ladybugs.

Put on your thinking cap, kiddo! What's a thinking cap, you ask? This is! Here, put it on your head just so.

If you don't mind your manners, we'll tie your thumbs together behind your back and hang you up on a hook in the hall closet by your nose!

I knew a man once with ears so big he could tie the lobes together in a bow under his neck! I once saw him hang a ten pound weight off his earlobe bowtie. Why did he do that? To keep from floating away, obviously!

If you walk alone in the woods at night, the wampus cat will eat you. He sounds like this, "Hawoooogah!"

If you swallow your bubble gum, you'll die!

If you swallow watermelon seeds, a watermelon will grow in your belly, and we'll have to cut it out with a rusty spoon! What about pumpkin seeds? No; we'd leave a pumpkin in you and just poke holes in it and have you swallow a flashlight, too. You'd be a human jack-o'-lantern! No, no! DON'T eat a flashlight. Because it would taste really bad. And you'd probably choke to death.

Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy are all very disappointed in how you bit the dentist today. They just might not even pay you any visits this year!

No, no, no. That's not a crocodile. That's a snalligaster! Crocodiles are much larger. They are also invisible and like to eat noisy children.

Duck tastes just like chicken, I promise! You'll love it.

Skippy went to live on a farm way out of town. He's really happy there, but it's just a place for dogs, and people aren't allowed to go visit.

Good always conquers evil.

You'll know what's the right thing to do, because a little voice will tell you!

There's no such thing as monsters.

You'll understand when you're older.

Iron Noder Challenge 2014, 22/30

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