I was sitting and watching Cartoon Network at two in morning enjoying some Tex Avery and reading some random nodes when I hear this: "It what every kid wants! It's what every kid needs!" My attention snaps to the television. At first glance, it appeared to be just a commercial for a compilation of the usual pop music. Something sounded wrong with the songs though. Then I realized that they're not selling the actual songs, but covers of the songs.

My brain reeled back like someone had punched it. The little cogs in there started moving in slow motion. Covers - of - pop - songs. Then my brained snapped back. It jumped off the mat like Rocky, eyes puffed up and looking for Dolph Lundgren. Oh damn you popular culture, you knocked me down, but I'm certainly not out.

Kidz Bop is a two CD set of popular songs, which have been re-recorded by a band called the "Kidz Bop Kids". Why would someone re-record the songs? The commercial said they were "kid friendly versions". How does covering the songs make them "kid friendly"? Are the lyrics and sounds of Britney Spears' "Oops... I Did It Again" so revolutionary and dangerous that we must shield our children's precious ears? And who exactly are the "Kidz Bop Kids"? White slave traders? Some horrible network of sadistic studio musicians?

A quick check of the Billboard charts show that the album has made it to number 76. We're all doomed.

Tracklist - Original Artist

Disc One
All Star - Smashmouth
Oops...I Did It Again - Britney Spears
Steal My Sunshine - Len
Bye Bye Bye - NSYNC
My Love Is Your Love - Whitney Houston
Slide - Goo Goo Dolls
Livin' La Vida Loca - Ricky Martin
Kiss Me - Sixpence None the Richer
Fly - Sugar Ray
Bring It All To Me - Blaque
Believe - Cher
One Week - Bare Naked Ladies
Crush - Dave Matthews Band
She's So High - Tal Bachman
I Wanna Love You Forever - Jessica Simpsons

Disc Two
I Want It That Way - The Backstreet Boys
What A Girl Wants - Christina Aguilera
Bailamos - Enrique Iglesias
All The Small Things - Blink 182
That's The Way It Is - Celine Dion
Blue (Da Ba Dee) - Eiffel 65
Real World - Matchbox Twenty
Waiting For Tonight - Jennifer Lopez
Angel Of Mine - Monica Mmmbop - Hanson
Never Let You Go - Third Eye Blind
That Don't Impress Me Much - Shania Twain
Summer Girls - LFO
Fly Away - Lenny Kravitz
Amazed - Lonestar

The insidious nature of these CDs are ones that aren't immediatly apparent, until you've had children, cliche though that may be.

Here's my main problem with them: This CD, and other advertisments like it are advertised during prime pre-kindergarten television shows. Shows like DragonTales, Rugrats, Clifford The Big Red Dog - e.g.shows that are meant really meant for ages 3 - 5. I don't have a problem with Kidz Bop per se, but I do have a problem with continual trend of robbing children of their childhood.

By this, I mean that the Kidz Bop CDs are ones that should be marketed towards 8 - 10 year olds, the group now called preadolescent. But instead, those kids are the ones that Britney Spears and Mandy Moore is being marketed to, whereas formerly, the teen bubble gum stars would have been marketed to, well, teens. Interesting random statistic: the average age of a Britney Spears CD buyer was *10*. That disturbs me, for some reason.

But as the marketing has changed, what we've accomplished is the essential the down-aging of marketing. What used to be for older kids is moved down about three years, and the net result is that I have my now four year old, having seen those damn commericals seeing: "Oops, I did it again...I played with your heart...Got lost in the game...word word word...I'm not that innocent."

I asked her why she was singing that. Her simple answer: "The big kids in the commerical sing it, so it looks good."

And therein lies why I've now taught her how to use TiVo, so we don't see commericials, except at extraordinary high speed. If I can somehow acquire a ReplayTV 4000, I won't have even have to see them at all. Peace will reign, and innocence perserved.