Just before you make that next move...

..consider the racial implications. Before you kill my queen, perhaps you should contemplate just what you're about to do. Are you taking her out simply because she is white? Is that what it is, do you get some sort of thrill out of killing all the pieces of this game that is my life right now simply because you think your blackness makes you superior? Well, let me tell you, I don't think it's right. You've destroyed half of the key participants, I can't even recover now.. and you just line their bodies alongside the board, discarding them as if you couldn't care less. I saw the smile of satisfaction on your face as you killed them all, that smug grin.

Chess is a very racist game. Black vs. White, White *always* goes first, both are against eachother strategically destroying the opposition. Why, I ask, are the pieces generally black and white? Why doesn't black go first? And why, oh why did my white queen die for her people whilst your black queen was made out to look like this amazing figure of supreme royalty? I crave a chess world where all pieces are equal and live in harmony.

Why can't my pawns play with your pawns? Why can't my rook move onto the same space as yours? And why, please tell me, why do you seem so intent on destroying that which I've worked so hard to preserve? I desire unity.. and so, I propose this..

Instead of trying to systematically destroy pieces that are a different colour than your own, simply pick the opponents piece up and kiss it tenderly. Place it next to one of your pawns, or better yet, let it visit with your queen without fear of being slaughtered unnecessarily. Consider letting your king and queen swing with the other king and queen! You don't always have to win, it's alright to remain neutral. Instead of becoming frustrated over an unfair, racially biased game of chess, put your pieces into a little doll house and create relationships between the two different groups. It's okay to do this, it really, really is.


Actually.. I don't think this way at all, but I do wonder if any PC freak has ever noted these possible racial discrepancies. If they haven't, I think it will happen one day. That will also be the day that I become a happy recluse.

Oh, but chess is so much more humane than that. Pieces are captured, not destroyed. One doesn't act out war crimes on the poor POW's lined up at the side of the board. In fact, they're kindly and carefully treated with respect until they are reunited with their friends on the board or in the box for the next game. Speaking of being in the box, for many chess sets that is the place and time for racial integration. The pieces act out their segregated war games for a while, but for most of their lives, they live in peaceful, jumbled equality.

Now, there are sad exceptions to these norms. Certain elitist boxes keep the colors separate even between games, and some cruel players do fail to honor the basic rights of pieces under capture. A pawn who leans awkwardly may be labeled and teased for being a "gimp", and woe to the bishop who manages to lose his hat under a tyrannical commander. These crimes of prejudice, in race and handicap, contribute to the Evil System (tm) of prejudiced chess mentioned in the above writeup, and must be fought when they are discovered.