Christ, I am so tired.

It's 2 months down the line and I'm finally settling back into normal work life. I tasted perfection 8 short weeks ago and then had it ripped away from me. You know when you feel so happy you want to cry?

I sound like a fool because all I did was go snowboarding, but that was special to me. We have no mountains where I live and I'd never been before. It took me back to 4 years ago when I'd just started skateboarding, that sense of pure joy at the slightly out of control ride on a board. I'd never seen snowboarding as something I particularly wanted to do. It was such a surprise that it could be so good.

Maybe it was the people. I went with my girlfriend's family, who I deeply respect. They all have a very laid back attitude to life and I've always wanted them to feel I was worthy of their daughter.

The first day was hell, I had to walk down most of the first run and I lost my board at one point. I was in so much pain from constantly falling on my knees and everybody was wondering whether I'd be able to hack a whole week. However, I kept getting up and getting down the mountain slowly. By the end of the first day I managed to skid down a black run, after being guided that way by my girlfiend's brother's girlfriend (how confusing).

The whole week they kept saying how amazed they were at my progress and it just made me so happy. It was like finally being accepted for what I love doing, slipping sideways on a board. With skateboarding I have never had anyone notice the effort that goes into it (from non-skaters). There's no problem with that because I skate for myself, but it was so nice to be accepted for this.

I've never had a holiday like it and I probably never will again. That was the best week of my life (so far) and we've started planning 2 more trips out already. Nothing makes me want to go to work more than the thought of slipping sideways down a mountain.

I know those guys probably won't read this, but I'd just like to say thanks for making me feel truly accepted as I never have before.


We were in St Anton am Arlberg (Austria) if anybody's interested...Mooserwirt for ever!

My last two daylogs contained things that could have/ should have been seperate nodes; why has my fear of rejection reached the point that I'm no longer willing to take risks like that? I made Level 2 in about a month; I have not noded much substantial since them. I turned in a paper late today; it was on Dada and was not meant to be comprehensible. Its for a course i'm dropping; it is bullshit and I worry about my work ethic.

The semester is winding down; my last bit of work is due on Bloomsday. Until then its just me and my James Joyce, who appears in every 3rd node here... if anybody is interested in arranging a quest for Bloomsday please msg me (though i'm contacting people individually).

Every year I gain a new intellectual obsession which I natter on about until everybody is sick of it, then stop. It is often inspired by a class-- two years ago it was Dante, who performed a similar function for Joyce. I often hear the word "Joycean" used as a cultish designator; it makes you part of a worldwide secret club. Its quite scary.

The dominant non-factual/ daylog/ prose mood of E2 seems to be "specific longing". This has infected my daily life, leading to thoughts like this: "She sat next to me on the shuttle bus between UNSW and COFA, sliding into the seat like she was going to cuddle up to me. It was a long time since anyone had sat next to me that way, and as she did not know me I chalked it up to coincidence. I stared at her pink checked backpack, noting the "Free Hemp" sticker on it until, in a burst of inspiration, I complimented her on it. She said it also came in blue; we talked of modding X-Boxes ('Its not piracy if you steal from Microsoft', I said, echoing another E2-style sentiment) and drug influenced writers. She had the same name as the first girl I kissed in Australia and, I suppose, my current crush (two different people). When we left the bus we parted, and later I realized I didn't get any information (the pretext would have been easy enough-- "I'm thinking of getting an X-Box. I'd need somebody to mod it"), but I wasn't thinking like that. At the very least I could have asked her to coffee; now I may never see her again."

Later, playing Chaos Legion in Japanese at a local gaming and manga cafe, I realized that only E2 could convince me it was a tragedy to lose the fruits of such a random meeting.

She had a nice smile. Yesterday, before work, a girl ordered almost the same toppings as me at Subway. This was commented on by the person behind the counter.

Today's daylog is brought to you by the letter L and the letter T.

L is for Linux and T is for time. You may ask what these two in common but for me its a big thing. I know enough about Linux to be dangerous and I have been trying to move towards open source programs and operating systems throughout my company. But it all boils down to time, lack of time to be specific. Maybe thats why I feel it will take some more, something better to move linux to greater acceptance.

Before you reach for that downvote, let me explain some things first. My first experience with Linux was Red Hat 7.0 and I worked for about 3 weeks on before being frustrated and stopped using. Later I tried Slackware and Red Hat 9.0, all had problems, perhaps because I wasn't using it for my day to day computing needs. I took the plunge and am currently dual booting Windows XP Professional and Fedora Core 1. I enjoy it for somethings but find myself going back to Windows quite often. (Which I know is contrary to everything this site and the people who hang out here feel.)

I am the computer department for a personal bank here, which means I deal with everything from helpdesk requests to network administration. It is overwhelming at times but I still find time to hang out here while I wait for patches to install or wait while I install something.

Back to the time issue. We needed to come up with some external system to track our outgoing and internal wires. (This was requested by the auditors, bless their souls :() So I thought, I could create some form of database and turned to handy-dandy Access to create this. I didn't even think of using MySQL or some other database. Why? Because of TIME. I know Acces, I don't know MySQL. I can create an easy to use form with Access, I would have to learn how to do so in any other form of RDBS. No point in me using it.

Another time issue. I wanted to setup some form of Helpdesk request tracking program. So I fired up Google to try and solve this issue cheaply. Found some open source projects, downloaded it, and then realized it would take too long to configure from source, need to make sure I had everything it needed. So I thought to myself "Self you have a Debian box up, see if it is a package you could install." Lo and behold it is. Great, ran dselect and installed the package, now it should work right? Wrong still more customization and need to figure out where the files are, which file to edit, etc. It should just work.

End of rant, but time is preventing me from using open source and linux in my company.

SHIT

I live in a house that is more like a squat. I have lived there once before and no good came of it so when I came back from Thailand what do I go and do? move in there again.

So now it's all coming to an end again roughly 40 days and nights later. And no good came from this 'house' once again.

Saturday I was in Darmstadt visiting friends when at about 8:20 I got a call from my romate Dirk, saying the house had been boken into (not his room, just mine, you see) and that my cameras were gone and the place was a mess. well I came home and sure enought my room was a mess. I was rpped off. They stole the camera with witch I had just shot 45 rolls of film on in Thailand and Laos. Ouch.

Suspicions are aroused imeediately agains both my roomate who had previously stolen some pot from me (1-2 grams). suspicions are also directed agains Heinrich's junkie like friends. It's likely I'll never know for certain who did this to me and if they knew me or if it was for money or simply some kind of vendetta or random curse. Don't matter. It's the best excuse I'll ever have to get out of this hole and move on up. The shit is gone. It can all be boght again. I have the cash right here. No problemo.

What is gone is my sense of security and trust in people. Everybody says it's not me, maybe it was him. The police say, talk to your roomate again' with a wink and a smile. But he's stealing electricity himself from the next door apartment and so why would he
1) risk the police coming in a seeing the cabels stretched out along the floor (which they did see and he had to have known I would go to the police - shit he even came with me to make the report)
2) risk loosing me as a renter... he's broke. He hasn't paid the electricity bill in 6 months (of course this could be another good reason to rip me off). Then there is the drug use in the house and the random whackos who come and participate in it. Maybe it was one of them. Who the fuck knows. Icare far too much about this.

So I move out and on. I'm going to Frankfurt. I'm gonna stay a week with my friend Barbara. On the 8th my son flies in from Chicago. On the 11th we're going to Italy together and then on the 29th to the south of Spain. Life moves on. I have other projects to work on. Stil it's bee a rough week.

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