FOR FUCKS SAKE

Today has been an interesting day, to put it mildly. It was the last day at Victoria halls, and I am preparing to move back to Norway. Katherine offered to keep my stuff at her house, so yesterday I rented a car and moved everything to her house.

I spent the night at her house last night (All my stuff was at hers - even my pillow), and I went out again about 2 o clock, to clean my apartment.

Katherine picked me up from the apartment (She offered to put me up until monday, until I take the plane back home), we went to Asda for some shopping, and went to hers. Her key wouldnt work - I figured it was because I slammed the door too hard when I left, so the latch had become engaged. So I headed to the back of the house, to scale the wall and break a window or something to get inside.

But the back door was open.

ALL MY STUFF WAS STOLEN!

Remember I wrote so passionately about my iBook? Its gone. So is my external harddrive with all my backups on. And my backup CDs. (probably because it was all in the same CD carry case as my (original) Photoshop and Mac OS CDs.

Also, do you remember me reviewing my brand new digital SLR camera? Yup. Its gone.

And my passport. Fabulous, considering I need it in about 90 hours.

Oh, and insurance? I don't know. I am not at my own house, and I didnt have time to specially insure my camera. They got in through the back door, either by forcing the lock or by reaching inside and getting the keys through the cat flap

I wont be on E2 much. Why? Well.. How can I, without a computer?

Fuck those god damned, no good scally bastards.

Oh well. It's "just stuff", I guess....

yes, a strange day. It started in a sense of netherworldlyness because of lack of sleep.Then the day continued with lots and lots of work, and a really horrendous head ache, possibly caused by hayfever, but again, maybe lack of sleep or a melange of the two....

Anyway, arranged to pick up Haje at 5, after work, we went to the shops to pick up some food a mild alcoholic beverage...well its the Jubilee weekend and England play Sweden on Sunday for God's sake...or something. I was in a good mood...four days off work...say no more.

Key in the lock..."it doesn't work"...."what do you mean"..."i don't know, you try it, it won't turn".

SOME TIME LATER

"OK, locksmith, seems a good idea"..."yeh, ok, just let me check the back gate"....

SOME "SURREAL" TIME LATER

The gate is open. That's what he said. The Back Door Is Wide Open....he said this too...

The lock on the gate has been torn off. And the back door is lying casually open. My Cats are OK. This is a good thing. I am amazed that these "housebound kitties" haven't tried to escape, but no, they are just scared. A little reticent to greet me....I can understand this...

Stuff everywhere.

A mess.

I feel so vulnerable. And I always felt so safe here. I used to live in Toxteth for God's sake. This is the "posh" part of town, or so I thought.

"Will they come back again?"

Haje reassures me that they won't, and so does the policeman that evntually visits with his silver powder and his brush...fingerprints, or gloveprints.

"Don't give up hope, we often find stuff a month or so later on".

But they have rooted through my "things". The mess I hold sacred has been ravaged violently and scarifying traces of the criminals remain.

I miss my music...my Mp3s that were on my PC.

But, I so wish that they hadn't taken Hajes camera. This is not materialism. The camera blends into him, it becomes him...and its gone. This is the most cruel thing.

They do not think about the person or people that live there...the crutch in the corner, the work stored on those discs....they just suck it all in, without emotion.

I feel sick, I really do. I am just so glad not to be alone.

I just went on the most amazing 4 mile run ever.

I went to the track at my old high school. My knees have been hurting a bit so I wanted to run on the rubbery joint friendly surface.

As I got there I could see the horrible dark thunderstorm coming in from the right. The wind picked up and huge heavy clouds didn’t just blow over the already dimmed sun, but they boiled and rolled over the sun covering it with an extreme totality. The wind started to howl and I started to run. I watched as lightning hit everything around me, crash after crash after crash. The lightning lit the complete blackness with sharp bolts of light. I ran, and then it rained, lightly at first just a little pitter patter really. I laughed at the storm, it thought it was going to win. Then the fight really started. The clouds opened up and it poured, the lighting shot down at me from every side. I yelled at it I screamed and ran faster. We were in a battle now. The puddles were up to my ankles in some places. I jumped the hurdles on the side of the track and kept going. Now as the storm blew over me the west cleared and the setting sun shone. The sky in the west turned a blue that in incomparable to any blue I have ever seen. As I turned the corner of the track two thick rainbows glowed back at me and a duck flew by. It was still raining but it wasn't a storm anymore it was a defeated drizzle. I finished my run with the rainbows and the setting sun and the birds chirping after the storm. I looked around and smiled. Those were the best four miles of my life I thought. I walked down the stairs from the track and headed home. hahaha my first daylog ever has a negative 9 million rep hahaha

My greatest fear is being trite, however I have to say that from the moment I saw Jarett I knew he was something special. The problem: when his glorious presence grazed mine, my boyfriend Ethan was standing right next to me.

Ethan and I had been having problems anyway and I thought Jarett would be a good excuse to finally end it. Not that it was that easy, Ethan really loved me. But I just couldnt do it anymore, so it ended, with me crying the whole time. How could I not shed a tear over that look in his eyes?

Less than one day after I broke up with that poor boy I did something even more horrible. I wrote Jarett an email and told him I wanted to hang out sometime. Even worse, Jarett responded back. The reason that it was so horrible was that these two boys in my life were also fraternity brothers, and supposedly shared a bond that no girl was allowed to touch. I had doubts for some reason though about his sincerity, so I somehow ended up back together with Ethan. A couple of days later, Jarett and I had our first phone conversation, which lasted two and a half hours. We agreed to go to lunch that friday and I couldnt help but keep it from Ethan. I knew it had been a mistake to get back together with him but I didnt know how to fix it.

So I went to lunch with Jarett and he showed me how to use chopsticks and showed me a place on campus that I had never seen before. I remember him sitting there, telling me stories about ADD and I smiled. I hadnt related to someone nearly so well ever since I arrived at UC Berkeley six months earlier. If there was one thing that I knew at that point in my life, it was that I had to do everything to not let him go.

He asked me to go to that movies that night, and of course I agreed. However things could never be that simple with Jarett. Ethan asked me to go to the same movie later that day, and I had to make up some excuse. I was a horrible person, turning down a date with my boyfriend to go out with another guy! It only went downhill from there.

This story is way too long, so I will continue it some other day.

I haven't written a daylog in awhile, all in part of trying to keep up with the covenant, but right now I am so upset that I must get my feelings out.

I'm upset at basketball, I'm upset at the refs of the game. I upset because they can't call a fair game when the almighty Lakers are involved in it. I'm upset because I can't logically call a game fair, when one action results in a foul on one end of the court and the same action results in nothing on the other end.

I'm not a huge fan of basketball, I enjoy watching the playoffs... But I find it hard to watch a game that isn't called fairly. I know that each person comes into everything with some sort of bias. Its human nature, but when you are in charge of soemthing, you MUST leave that bias away from the job.

In game 5, I watch one the of Sacremento Kings move along the baseline to in-bound the ball, and he is correctly called for traveling. Tonight I watch a Los Angeles Laker take the same steps along the baseline and nothing happens. I see the almight Kobe Bryant elbow Mike Bibby in the nose causing it to bleed as Kobe charged around him, with nothing being called. At yet in my heart, I wonder: "What would have happened if Bibby would have done the same thing to Kobe?"

I don't know why I get so upset at prejudice and bias in sports. I just do. I don't know how much more I can watch.

But the night wasn't a total loss. I watched the Detroit Red Wings crush and destroy the Colorado Avalanche so everything is all right in the world again.


Go Wings

I wonder what next week will bring. I'm getting so disillusioned with the whole concept of working for someone else, of being granted a paycheck approx. 1/2 of what's considered a living wage around here, unusable unaffordable medical benefits, knowing that the guy in charge is living quite well on my sweat.

I've got to get out of this before it kills me.

We've all got to get out of this.

Throw down your chains! Tell the owners to whom you are but a body filling a slot in the production cycle that they are going to have to do it themselves, or share the profits of the enterprise in a more equitable way than making us punch a timeclock and cutting us a check every two weeks that barely covers the rent.

Take half, divide the rest among the employees. I bet that American production would skyrocket.

Throw down your chains!

This rat's going to get out of the race before he dies, that's one thing for sure. My needs are simple. Most people's needs are simple, it's their wants that take up the energy.

Equity for our sweat, our time, our backs and brains, or a general strike. Everyone who works, and this includes management types too, needs to stop work for a day and let the bewildered stockholders and owners and CEO's wander around a silent and dusty factory, and realize that they cannot do it without us. I don't care how much you know about production, what kind of expert you are, there is no way the primary benefactors of our work could do it themselves, or they would, because they seem to even begrudge us the damned pittance that trickles from their pockets to our mouths.

Throw down your chains!

Am I lazy? Certainly, when it comes to doing other's work. At projects that have intrinsic meaning to me, at challenges that hold my interest, I am industrious, efficient, and tenacious. But when you bore me, when you extort work from my fingers by the threat of homelessness and thus refuse to reward Good Work in any meaningful manner, you're damned right I'm not going to be satisfied.

Throw down your chains!

But someone has to do the work, the dirty, the dangerous, the soul- crushingly humiliating and (worst sin of all) boring jobs, you say. Someone has to do it.

Then make it so the people who want to do This work get to do This work, and the people with a talent and a flair for That work get assigned to That work instead of forcing everyone into the mold we've been programmed for almost since birth. Show some creativity, some compassion, some flair. Don'y just stand by and let people be turned into machines.

Owners, you are chained as surely as your workers, and while there is a soul working in your factory who does not belong there by true excersize of free will and inclination, you are not free.

Throw down your chains, the ones you wear, and the ones you make us wear because you are too goddamned complacent and unimaginitive to conceive of a better way.


It was a long week.
I have a choice to make.
Either, I say "Goodbye"
Or "wait around a while"
Or even say nothing

Goodbyes will hurt
I'm afraid of hurting her
And afraid of being hurt
But will she understand?

After time things will change
And we will be different
I will never forget her
But love can be buried

Then why should I say anything?
If she still loves me
Where is my choice?
I will let time decide

Since being fired in February, my life has been filled with the same sort of happiness as CzarKhan writes about above. That's right. Happy. Down to the nocturnal living, friend evaluation and endless days in front of the beige altar.

Anyways, this is why it's rather a strange coincidence that I have to daylog this today. I start my new job tonight. After months of "trying" to find a job, I've finally got one in what's probably the coolest bar in Manchester. The Fab Cafe is a cult TV/sci-fi theme bar. This means there's film nights, old sci-fi memorabilia over the walls, a Xenomorph next to the DJ and a Dalek next to the dancefloor. Added to that, I think that the people who work there probably OWE me a job, considering the amount of money me and my friends have pumped into that House of the Dead machine. (After completing it in another bar we don't play it any more... next stop House of the Dead 2!)

Added to this, I could also be putting some time in in Satan's Hollow, a well, Hell themed bar, and it all appears to be a nice little package.

This also means I can get a goddamn computer of my very own (having had a family computer for all my life, this is going to be heaven) as well as a cable modem. It also means I'll actually have money for the rent, FFX, food and other essential things.

Hang in there CzarKhan, if my worthless POS of a life can be lifted with a few phonecalls and some words with some people, yours can't be too far behind.

I still need to work on growing the Cojones, as well though...

Although this doesn't affect everybody, it does have an effect upon me. Hurricane season begins today. Hurricane season runs from June 1 to November 30.

Living in South Miami, I have witnessed my share of hurricanes. I mean, in the past years, we have had Hurricane Michelle, Hurricane Georges, and countless numbers of other hurricanes. And who could forget Hurricane Andrew back in '92?

It sucks. Going to grocery stores to buy bottled water, bottled food, bottle just about everything. And then waiting in long lines, and many times, you can't even find what it is you are looking for!

Well, its not that bad, considering other people in other places have to go through volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, tornadoes, and the four horsemen of the apocalypse (war, death, famine, and pestilence)

I just hope nothing big happens this year.

Today I bought the coolest book. It`s a World Cup phrasebook. It contains translations of basic phrases in all 17 official languages of all 32 countries playing in World Cup : Korea/Japan 2002. Aside from your standard phrasebook phrases, it has certain terms which one would want to yell at a soccer game. So I can now say something equivalent to, "What the fuck?" in 17 languages. I could not be more pleased. It came in handy, later, as I was watching Germany trounce Saudi Arabia (the final score was 8-0). I don`t like Germany, arrogant bastards. The soccer team, I mean, not the people as a whole.

At 1:35 A.M., I bought a movie ticket from a vending machine and watched Panic Room. It wasn`t a particularly great movie, but not especially bad either. And it was, after all, 1:35 in the freakin morning.

After the movie, I went to the beach. The first hints of day were just insinuating themselves into the cloudy sky, and the crashing of the waves erased every thought I had, except those of some fishing boats out on the sea who were flashing light signals at each other. I laid on the beach until it was quite light and I was thoroughly convinced I never want to leave this country.

But of course I will leave it.

I went to my grandparent's house today for a family gathering. This isn't a bad thing, I enjoy these things. My family is very musical, and they performed some music. My dad made a good attempt at the version of Red House that Jimi played at Woodstock. After listening to music for about 2 hours, my cousin and I did some target practice with an atlatl. After not doing too terribly well we decided to just throw for distance. My cousin is able to throw a dart as far as the length of a football field. I could only get it about two thirds as far. When our arms got tired from throwing, I sat and talked with my uncle and his flint knapping buddies. Primitive technology is really interesting to me, and I always enjoy hearing my uncle talk about it. The day went by fast.

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