How's it going E2? I am doing fine. Thanks for asking.

So you should be happy to hear, I have completed another revolution around the Sun and now I am one year older. While I was at it I picked up a few of my old child-hood hobbies like learning to juggle, I am doing this while I am trying to find time to play more chess and golf, you know, in hope of keeping my mind well-rounded.

The chess thing is going well, I actually am looking at entering a tourney to see what I am made of, and that goes for the golf thing too. Although, I have a few more seasons before Tiger Woods should be watching out for my adulterous ass gunning to take his place in the lime-light.

Not everything has been fairy tales, one of my friends got his panties in a bunch the other week during a four-way chess battle after I told him to pay attention to the board a little better because he started in gloating, and telling me "You should've done something to protect your king" referring when he moved his queen out threatening my open file that I opened with a bishop-rook trade in my favor, something he only realised later in the game. So, I asked him what I could have done to avoid checkmate and then I said what I said. He then let out his pent up frustration about him having to remind me to give him gas money for the times he has given me a ride to work. He then tells me I can walk home, so I grab my shit, and I walk home but not before telling him he was a poor-sportsmen. And it's true, he gloats when he wins and he's his angry when I win. It made playing chess with him no fun, and I would throw game after game allowing him to go in for the knock-out. Then he goes and pulls this shit telling me I should pay attention to the board. And I'll tell you right now, I would've only delayed the inevitable. It was checkmate, be it one move or three. There was nothing I could do, after him and our other friend worked together and trapped my queen in a very lucrative position where I would have had checkmate on our friend in one move, that is until he moved his pawn forward giving him and his king an escape, in doing so he also blocked the very diagonal my queen took his rook. That's when shit hit the fan and now everything is his-story.

Now for a bit of the lighter side of the recent misunderstanding, and this sort of quagmire in which I was involved is not of normal character for me. But will forward this warning, ripping off strippers is not the cool, or the safest move. I went to the gentlemen's club the other night. I suppose it was for my birthday, but I think it was just one of those nights we had to get out and do something. It was a normal night there, but not too many people, so the girls are giving us some extra attention. By the end of the night I had found myself some of the bigger money makers, needless to say, I gave away my last ten singles to this very beautiful lady I had been watching at a distance all night. I guess she noticed me noticing her, or she read my body language when she walked by, because she stopped and told me which table she was working next. I followed her like a good boy, and soon my pockets were the lightest they had been all night. See the key when the Bump-N-Grinding starts is to control the swelling down below, because this is a dead give away that she's doing a good job, and if she's a smart girl and good at what she does she'll be holding out her g-string all the time expecting for you to fill it up.

This is when things got crazy. I had lost that super fly honey to another fool who still had some cash on him. I was kinda pissed off as the jealousy worked its way into my conscious, I went to another table. I think my friend knew what was going on and said if you dont have any money it wasn't wise to sit next to the table, and soon there after I was telling my friend it was time to hit the road. I must have been distracted by some T-N-A or something, and was totally oblivious to the huge bat signal right above my head because soon I had another beautiful woman scratching on my neck, and asking me how well I was at following rules. I still think my buddy set me up because after I told her I was at zero, two twenties had appeared out of the corner of my eye and I was being lead with our fingers intertwined to the booths where private lap dances take place. Let me tell you something about lap dances, they are a waste of money and if you ever find your self being offered money to buy one, do not accept it. Even though it turn out to be a great release of some stress and tension, it is a rip off.

This Place we went to had a $30 minimum per song. This means it is incredibly easy to run up a outrageous tab. Me, being it my first time, I carried out small talk with her. Where she was from, if I smoked weed. The obvious. Somehow I missed her saying her price was forty, if she even said it is still in question, I don't miss much. I am very observant, and during the whole price fiasco, after she's worked her magic, I noticed "the bouncer" never said a word, breaking eye contact for only a second at a time to make a sidewards glace at the girl on talk about number of songs and pricing. So, by the end of it, we had worked her down from three songs and a total of $120, down to two songs at the minimum price allowed. And because she was such a good sport, I apologized for everything and gave her the last of the forty, and most likely making that the best lap dance ever given for 65 bucks.

Other than that, things have been tame and docile.


May 12, 2010 | April 4, 2011

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