Today angry person is angry. I woke up early after dreaming an unsettling dream that I don't really remember. My sister was in it and I was being taken to task for something, but I can't recall any of the particulars. My walk today was longer than my usual trip around the block. Yesterday I read that spending ninety minutes in nature was healing so now that's a new goal of mine. I swept the kitchen, dining room, and two halls. The bedrooms, bathroom, and front porch area still need to be swept. I threw in a load of laundry, did the dishes, had the girls empty the vacuum and the compost bowl and am currently soaking said bowl in hot soapy water. I sponged off a dirty area on my living room rug and tried doing the same to a stain on the carpeting in the back room that seems to be slightly lighter in some areas than it was. I picked some fresh mulberries and two fat raspberries off of canes that were loaded with fruit. Quite a few people in the neighborhood grow berries, I want to add to the plants I have, but I don't really have money in my budget to purchase any so I'm going to see if my mom and my husband's aunt would be willing to spare some from their patches.
Today I am thinking about my neighborhood. Not many are so fortunate as to have the views and lush greenery that I enjoy. The yards are large, many put thought and effort into landscaping. I walked past homes with flowers in pots out in front, hanging baskets, and neatly trimmed trees and shrubs. Even the people who have left large piles of brush and have not been as meticulous as others have mowed. I feel a kinship with the people whose lawns are not picture perfect, I often give those people the benefit of the doubt, but I also think it would be nice if we could have a neighborhood committee or work days where a bunch of people get together to work on one property and then move to another as the projects there get completed. This is leftover from yesterday, but after I went to the bank to take out grocery money I realized something I hadn't considered earlier; my name is on a lot of joint accounts. When I first met my ex I had exceptional credit. Over the years I've been able to maintain that and the very idea of being tied financially to someone else is enough to make me break out in hives.
Here is where I can put a brakes on the catastrophe that I'm building in my head. Instead of playing out worst case scenarios which are really not scratching the surface of what could go wrong, I can evaluate my options. I can close my bank account and open a new one. I can leave my bank account open and open a different one. I can call the utility companies and have my name taken off of whichever bills are not mine. I can print off a copy of my credit report and go through it. That's something I've been meaning to do for a while and this is giving me an opportunity to do that. I printed out the paperwork after the online form I completed told me I would need to have my credit report mailed to me. When I was younger I thought it was a good idea to open a lot of credit cards. That was foolish and now I'm going to have to go back and make sure all of these piddling accounts that I never use are truly closed once and for all. I'm trying to be thankful for this nudge in a direction I want to be moving, but the anxiety is really overwhelming. I printed off the paperwork and mailed it, now I just have to wait for it to come back so I can start going through things.
There are some accounts I can take action on right away. I've done a lot of very stupid things in my life, but thankfully I can close those unnecessary accounts and set aside money so I don't make those mistakes a second time. I have an emergency fund set up. My next goals are to keep paying down my debts and work on saving three to six months of money for basic living expenses, knowing that my circumstances could change at any moment. Not being able to use the station wagon to clean out the garage was an unforeseen obstacle. I could drive down to Milwaukee to retrieve it, but I'm thinking it's a wiser move to wait until I don't have to make an extra trip. Having the garage in disarray is really bothering me. I'd like to be able to park in there and use it like an actual garage instead of a rummage sale that isn't going to happen despite what I've said previously. I'm just not a rummage sale person. Seeing that collection of crap in the garage is wearing on my nerves. I need it out of there and I know I'm going to feel better once things are clean and orderly in there again.
I'm kind of tired so I'm going to go lay down for a while. I'm proud of myself for getting things done this morning. I have a day off and I'm looking forward to hanging out with my family for the Fourth. This is a great nation and I am blessed to enjoy citizenship here. The battles were hard fought and hard won, but today we are endowed with freedoms others lack. I have some plans, there will always be setbacks, but those are opportunities to step back and rethink my strategy so I will be less likely to make those mistakes again in the future. These are some lessons I need to learn, and now is the time to sit down and work through some things I hadn't thought about earlier. Wish me well my friends, and I'll do the same for you.
Yesterday * Tomorrow