July 27, 2003

Is Music Your Life?

After an early morning conversation with Dave I started to have a little think. I say an early morning chat but it was more like lunchtime. On a Sunday right up until around 2 ‘o’ clock it is early because that is just simply how it goes with me. I am kind of waking up now. I’ve promised myself to try and update a lot more than I currently am and I thought this was something I could write about…

Has there ever been a song that reminds you of something? A song that makes you think of an event that has happened, a place that you have been or a person who means something to you.

Maybe you are all confused as to what the hell I am on about or maybe as soon as you read this you thought of that song and the feeling that goes with it. We all have a songs that we love, don’t we? And something comes with the song, an emotion, a feeling, a person or an event. At the end of the day surely that is the reason why we love the song, that can be the only reason, can’t it?

So you put on the song - it means something to you and sit and listen to it. As you hear it start you relax and you remember that moment that this song reminds you of. It might be painful; it might be from the happiest day of your life and you love every minute of it… People around you wonder what is so good about it and only you know and you try to explain but they aren’t really listening and you aren’t really telling them properly because they will never really get it.

I tried to think of the song that meant something to me, that reminded me of something and believe me I searched and searched for that song… I have to admit there are too many… I don’t just have one song, I have so many songs that mean something and I can’t even begin to try and talk about them all. I have to say though; music is something that brings out how I feel quite a lot.

Now it is your turn. I want you guys to tell me what songs mean something to you and why. I don’t want an essay, I just want your thoughts, go for it guys.
Message me :-)

Much later, Ten Hours later in fact...
This one is for you.

I shouldn’t have told you all my problems; I should have never told you or started talking to you. I wanted you to back me up but you didn’t and I’m not even sure why. I know that you might think that I am being silly but you do not know what it is like to be me. Yes, this is where it starts – this is where I start to pity myself because that is all I know.

This was something I could do for myself and not many people knew about it simply because I didn’t want them too. I wanted to confide in you though when things got a little tough and I thought you would support me. The truth is though you are just like everyone else, you just can’t understand. I realise you don’t need too. Sometimes though it is hard to talk to other people are you seem to understand anything I say and feel.

Maybe I am being silly but I just want to be noticed by someone – anyone. Sadly, this seems to be is the only in which I can do it. I’m doing too much you say, isn’t doing too much better than doing too little? I’m going to sleep on my thoughts and what you said and then tomorrow morning time will tell.

It's weird to decide to write a day log entry, then read the others, and completely change your mind what to write about.

Anyway, I'll bite.

Note I don't intend to argue with or offend the authors of the other writeups, just that I disagree with them to a very high degree.

A Statement of Disbelief
I think I might be accurately described as "agnostic," but I still want to write about the absence of firm convictions in my mind about how we got here, why we're here, and what happens when we die.

I bet people will think I'm boring, but here's my answers to the Big Questions about life, the universe, and everything:

1. How did we get here? No way to know for certain, but looking at everything we've seen so far, it seems more likely than not that we're a miniscule part of an absolutely enormous (theoretically infinite) system called the "universe" that is constantly changing. Part of that change once involved the combination of basic chemical building blocks into various schemes on this planet that subsequently spawned single-celled organisms that eventually evolved over millions of years into the huge variety of plant and animal life that exists on Earth now. On the surface this idea seems as ludicrous as a deity snapping its fingers and bringing it all to life, except we can actually see evolution at work. Completely conclusive? No. Highly probable? Oh yes.
2. Why are we here? No way to know for certain, but probably because our parents had sex. I know -- it's a pretty boring answer, isn't it? As for some "higher purpose"? There's no telling. Sure doesn't seem like it though. Surely if a deity wanted us to do something specific, it would have told us by now in a form more reliable than second-hand tales scribed thousands of years ago.
3. What happens when we die? No way to know for certain, but it's likely we will stop breathing, consuming sustainance, and thinking. Afterlife? Possible, but unlikely. Seems like it'd be a bit crowded if such a thing did exist, but there's never been one damned shred of evidence whatsoever that there's such a thing.

Heh. We agnostics are a frustrating bunch, I bet. Assuming I'm using the right word. I can talk all day about my non-belief, but really I don't want to because I've got better things to do. I can be accurately summarized (in the religious sense anyway) as "don't give a shit". I'd rather spend time being a reasonably decent person and staying out of other people's way than impressing fellow churchgoers with my ability to suckle at God's teets better than the rest.

I expect, if there is an afterlife in which we are judged, this writeup will be included in the prosecution's case against my entry into the fun zone.

In other news, in our continuing saga in trying to buy our first house, the lender spontaneously decided that they needed to see two months' worth of mortgage payments in reserve in our bank account as a condition of the loan's approval. Fuckers. We explicitly told 'em we had nothing to put down on the house and needed 100% financing, which they then approved. Then they sprang this on us.

Between my unbelievably generous parents who lent us the money to show off to the lender and our credit union's miraculously fast response time to the lender's faxed verification request, we managed to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. All the conditions for loan approval are now met, and the house is still, in theory, ours. The builder now says they'll know the closing (and walkthrough) date by this week, and hopefully they'll clue me in about it at some point.

Not that they'll ever see this, but thanks, mom & dad!

I think the credit union deserves a letter of thanks, too.