Tuesday..another day spinning the wheels. Had all good intentions of doing something productive today..yeah, right. Spent the morning waking up, watched a flick on IFC called Mr. Jealousy. Seen it before, but it still makes me cry. Sat there staring afterwards at the surveyors wanted add I had found in the paper. Decided to call, so I went to Smithtown to do so. Feeling a bit peckish, stopped in at Napper Tandys to have lunch. I ended up spending five hours talking to this crazy italian guy, who used to be on Mario Cumos (ex mayor of NYC I think) cabinet. Insane. Sometimes emapthy can be a curse..a certain percentage of older (and I'm 27) people who talk to me are amazed by some of my views and expressions, and won't leave me alone. It's annoying, and somewhat embarrassing. So, as five o'clock rolled in, I figured it was too late to call, so I came home. Tra la la.
When I went to Hartford, sunday, I met a girl at the party who reminded me very much of a certain evil twin of mine..we talked for hours (and her boyfriend seemed none too happy) but whatever. It was cool to connect, I think she's may end up a future addition to the global freak circle. Heard from her tonite via email,that was sweet. Home. Such a concept. Going to Woodstock this weekend, room mate needs to reclaim his linux server from a friend so we can get the ball rolling on our house network. 6 gigs online, via a cable modem. Should have a few pages hosted soon (grin). And yes, we know how to fake a virtual static IP through a cable connection. I can't wait. Distractions from duty, whether it be the eternal search for company, getting lost in my writing or art, or staring at the wall and drooling on the pillow. I wonder why I always shoot myself in the foot. It's even worse to be aware of it and still helpless. Cheers!
90 mhz processor, 1 gig hardrive, 36K modem... I had forgotten what it's like to use an inferior computer. I've always taken for granted the fact that my dad has this astonishing obsession with technology which drives him to buy a new system every six months or so. I am currently running one of the cast offs, one of the former beauty queens who has been reduced to little more than a dust collector. This particular machine made the thirteen hour car trip out to Vermont to live with my aging grandmother, whom I am visiting for a week. She still doesn't know how to work the mouse. She is a slow pupil, but I am driving her relentlessly. She shall learn one of these days.

Grandma is in the process of packing up her entire house (home to her and her husband for countless years) in order to move to an appartment a few miles down the road. After grandpa died a few years ago, gram can't keep up with the yard work and such. We drove out here to help get her packed up and so forth. My Uncle Joe (my dad's older brother), who used to live in Louisiana until recently, also came by to help with the moving. My cousins, Kimberly and Matthew (21 and 13) are also hanging about to give a hand when and where needed. There are a lot of hands around here.

My intake log has gone to hell and is not likely to return. All my efforts to eat normally have exploded somewhat violently, and I have continued to lose weight. My aunt and my grandma have been staying up late at night talking about me. I can hear them if I listen closely. I'm down to 124 pounds according to the scale in the bathroom, and that is a far cry from the 132 I started the summer at. Why can't I be normal? I ate three meals today along with several snacks in between, and I ended up with my head in the toilet. My damn digestive system can't handle normal amounts of food anymore.

Things are pretty dull, overall. We're going out to dinner tomorrow night with Kimberly and her boyfriend at The Olive Garden. I don't know when I will have enough patience to return to e2 while subjected to this painfully slow computer, but I will be sure to return this sunday.

I haven't written a daylog in quite a long time. I am sitting here listening to the most boring man in the whole world ramble on about people I have never met. It wouldn't be that bad, but he just won't shut up.

Don't get me wrong, I love people. I just don't like hearing people tell me the same mundane story over and over, (about how they ran out of gas once in 1987). The same people who won't stop telling the same stories over and over are also obsessed with their schedule at work. One of them, (whose schedule never changes), spends at least a half hour staring at the schedule everyday.

Oh well enough about the people at my work.

I had the misfortune of getting in an argument with someone in the chatterbox today. He had been bad mouthing me when I wasn't around, (thank god for wonko's catbox archive). He of course was totally irrational when confronted. He refused to answer my private messages. He would only talk to me in the catbox, using such nice language as "FUXOR i fuck your atari nodes". The sad thing is that I never did anything to this guy. He just randomly picked me to abuse.

My 24th birthday is coming up soon. God, that makes me feel so old. My girlfriend and the girl that is my roommate are both only 19. When I turn 24 I will be almost as close in age to 30 as I will be to them.

Today I stayed home. I felt kinda sick, and was really tired, so decided to just not go to work. So I slept, then I got up, and did a whole lot of nothing.
I didn't even node.
I played Quake 3 and read and ate.
And I did some thinking. Nothing to serious, or upsetting, just thinking.

And I've come to the decision that getting older is a wonderful and terrible thing.

Every now and then you get some new responsibility, some nice, some a little to hefty. These make you feel more adult, grown up, and possibly independant. But then something goes wrong. ACK! The phone company didn't receive my payment! Now I have to go spend half an hour on hold, then off to the bank... blah blah blah. No fun.

But I really like having my phone. Is it worth it? I guess so. I get lots of calls I really appreciate getting, and I would feel so odd with out one. But the hassle.

Then life throws fun realizations at you, some serious and upsetting, some revealing and comforting. Some annoying, like no matter how hard you try you cannot get a male to leave the room to fart (not all the time anyhow). Which is really very frustrating. The toilet seat I've come to accept, but farting while we're sitting close and watching TV makes me angry. So now I do it back. (Does this make me disgusting and reduce my feminity?... Who knows.)

Well I've been thinking of camping, and now I'm going.
Next week... for 2 nights, I'm going to abandon my phone and the need to leave when farting (free-range farting outdoors). I'm going to stop channel surfing and getting angry at the amount of ads I'm paying to watch. I'm just going to go and enjoy being outside, in beautiful scenery, with someone I love and swim in the lake, and eat yummy BBQ everything.

Then I realized that I didn't ask for time off.
OH CRAP. Well, I guess I'll be TELLING the boss, and not asking. But while I'm camping I promise that I won't think about work and phones and farts and all that junk. Not too much anyhow.

I remember my cousin's Atari 2600. Oh how we (my brother and I) loved to play when we would spend the night at their house. I personally loved Adventure, Pinball, and Missle Command. I had a TRS-80 Color Computer, but it had different games. On my TRS-80, I loved Space Invaders, Pinball, and its version of Missle Command. Maybe I should go buy a PS2!

I can't believe how quickly the summer is going by. July is already a 1/3 over... yikes. Other than getting a new bed, having my place fairly neat, and doing great at work, not much has been going on. I wonder if this is how I'm going to live out the rest of the summer, or if I'm going to get my act together and do some interesting things. At least I'll see an interesting (I think it will be interesting, I guess we'll see) movie, Final Fantasy. I guess I'll go see Evolution also for some laughs.

While I'm thinking of movies, I wonder: "Do I need a DVD player for home?" I'm not sure its worth it. Especially considering I haven't been at home all that much to rent DVDs. Then again, my boss's boss has this great collection he lets people borrow from. Hmmmm.....

Just got the word that my wife and I will be signing the purchasing contract for our new house (assuming the financing gets finalized). This Friday, we're signing a note for a quarter of a million dollars. That just astounds me, especially since the house I lived in whilst in New York cost $13,000, and that had ten acres. When you figure out just how much we'll actually pay for the house on a 30-year mortgage, it's almost $900,000, and it ain't Monopoly money. When dollar amounts get that high, it crosses over into abstraction. The biggest dollar amount I can comfortably reason with is about the price of a nice car, about $30K.

So I'll go and sign a note with an almost imaginary number on it. All for the ability to hang a picture on the wall or repainting to a colour that I like.

One more month until I can get out of this place and move south and start earning some money rather than sitting around bored attempting to node (despite being amazingly uninspired all the time).

I have nothing against where I live - it's just a few things around here getting me down. Everyone is leaving to go their seperate ways so I never know where any of my friends are from one day to the next. I'm still hunting for somewhere to live (at all times being hassled by a parent who thinks that sounding pissed off makes things happen faster automatically - maybe he should get a job in management). Combine this with an ex-girlfriend who seems to have more personalities than an awards ceremony you can see why i'm losing my hair - and that's before the hereditary baldness sets in!

I wish the weekend would hurry up and be here. The middle of the week stinks, work is boring.

Currently at work we are playing with this speech software add-on. The idea is that when there is an error the software will say the error message out loud. Since there is not always a person sitting in front of the computer using the software.

Well it is weirding me out a little because a few weeks ago I was hanging out with the girlfriend and some good friends late at night. She was talking about this story she wrote about Fox Mulder and John Doggett from The X-Files. And of course it is the highest quality gay erotica.

(Why do women find men having sex to be such a good idea? Or at least why does my girlfriend think it is?)

Before I know it my friends have downloaded the story from her website and fed it into a speech program. And we spent 20 minutes listening the computer describe cuppage, smirking, and groaning. I guess any technology can be used for evil.

So now hearing a computer speak error messages aloud has me somewhat troubled.

Tonight I have several things I want to/need to do. I want to go see Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within. I also want to play the Diablo II Expansion Pack until very very late. But I also need to work on a webpage I'm designing as a side job.

Oh well its almost time to go home! ;-)
Great day until about an hour ago. Now, I'm starting to get that strange, weak, fidgety feeling again. The one that makes me want to break dishes and bite my fingers. Haven't gotten it for a while. Hoping it will go away soon.

Happy Birthday to my brother, artfuldodger. You are in Ireland and I miss you. :) I hope they found your luggage. Did you ever end up buying a second pair of pants, or are you still traveling light? I always admired that about you - the whole non-attachment thing. Like the time Dad became unattached from his microphone while furiously drawing abstract Buddhist ideas on his flip-chart. Do you remember that? I do. Well, have a beer for me tonight, my boy.

I think I should get some sleep.

*sighs wearily*

I have had a very long day.

I started my cycle yesterday, and have been cramping horribly because of it. This hurts. I didn't sleep well at all last night because of the pain. I think I got to sleep around 3 or 4 am. I had to get up at 8 am to be at work by 8:30 am. And, mind you, I had less than 4 hours sleep the night previous.

I made it to work only a minute or three late, and then did something supremely stupid. I ate a muffin without looking at the ingredients. Stupid girl. It had walnuts, which I am allergic to. I have been having breathing trouble and nausea since I finished the muffin. *rolls eyes and sighs* Teach me to eat things without knowing exactly what's in them...

I had to sit through a loooong staff meeting today, but that was not too bad, overall. I got done at that house at 2:30 pm when Mom got there to go on to her shift. Dan and I spent the next two hours running around to the bank, Wal-Mart, and Subway. At the bank, I find out that some company has managed to block me from getting a checking account, though I'm not sure why... (I'm now waiting on a credit report from them to find out...)

On to Wal-Mart to get the air conditioners out of layaway. *smiles* Yay, climate-controlled house... Subway for lunch/dinner was next. By this point, it is 4:15 pm, and I have to be back at work by 4:30 pm, but at a different house - the one I most hate to work in.

I get to work, only to find the one staff member I truely despise is there. She is her usual bitching, rude self. (This is a woman who has tried to get me fired on several occasions because I am Wiccan.)

I spent the next five and a half hours trying to keep a hold on my temper (I did a very good job, thank you.) However, my cramps have gotten steadily worse throughout the day, and my nausea, etc. from the walnuts still hasn't gone away.

Dan gets there about 9:45 pm to pick me up, and I find out that Kevin and Brandi are in the car. Now, I love them both, but I really, really, really just wanted a quiet night at home with Dan and Mom, watching the movie that Dan got for me to see. But, I can't very well blow off Kevin & Brandi - I don't see them all the time.

So now, I am to the point, literally, of pulling my hair out at every little thing, because I have absolutely no nerves left.

The positive notes of the day are these: We now have air conditioning, in fact Dan and Kevin are installing it as I type... I bought a new black bra today (yay!), and bought a Madonna CD that I've wanted for a good long while... Something to Remember. It is her ballad collection. Some of my favorite songs are on here. I think I am going to go listen to it now, and try to patch-up my nerves a bit...

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