Stoner who writes a column for The Onion called "The Cruise". Starts every column with "Hola amigos!". Likes to "rap at ya" about the recent batch of unfortunate shit that's happened to him, like being unable to pay for a new 8-track player, or how he lost his latest minimum wage job, or how his so-called friends Ron and Wes keep smoking all of his weed and drinking all of his beer.

Basically, the typical musings of Dazed and Confused-type pothead, but ten years removed from high school.

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