I remember when left was left, and right was right. For the first time in a long time I feel like dying.. I love my life, but hate it at the same time.
I don't get it anymore. I just want to cry, and I can't. I cried New Year's Eve.. but.. I needed a lot of liquor to do it. Same with after the bar with NeXT.Boy
. I love the people in my life.. but sometimes it is too hard to go on and smile. It hurts too much. To watch the beautiful creatures self-destruct. I don't know .. FUCK.. I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to go insane. I want to loose it. I can't hurt those I love though. I feel so helpless..
I used to curse my apathy, now I curse my perception. Why? I don't know, Why not I suppose.. Zen?
All the beauty and love it has brought me.. I have had some pain and sorrow, I am not saying it wasn't fair, or not worth it.. I just feel lost right now.. the 10 shots of tequila probably helped.. bleh