JLA #93

WARNING! SPOILERS AHOY! YOU'RE GOING TO NEED A BIGGER BOAT!

Title: Extinction, Part III: Soul Survivor
Release Date: April 2004
Writer: Dennis O'Neil
Penciller: Tan Eng Huat
Inker: Tan Eng Huat
JLA Members: Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, the Flash, Green Lantern (John Stewart), Plastic Man, and the Atom.
Bad Guys: "Peppy."

So what happens?
When last we left our heroes, Flash, Wonder Woman, and Green Lantern had just discovered that Peppy, the talking shapeshifting space monkey, had disappeared, in the midst of a riot. After they put the riot down, they return to the rest of the JLA on the moon to try to figure out what to do next. Lo and behold, they finally figure out that he may have decided that the human race wants to become extinct, so he's going to try to wipe out humanity. They're worried they won't be able to find him, but Batman reveals that he's hidden microtransmitters in Peppy's clothing to help track him.

While Flash and Wonder Woman go to find Peppy, Superman and Green Lantern head for his spaceship to make sure it's locked down. Unfortunately, before they can get there, Peppy manages to activate the ship's star drive, which opens a hole in space and pushes several tons of space debris into a collision course with Earth! If even one of the larger meteors hits the planet, it could trigger a mass extinction! It's a big emergency! Oh, wait, Supes and GL fix everything in just two panels. Okay, then. Looks like if Peppy is within line-of-sight of the spaceship's location, he can control it, so Supes and GL move the ship to the opposite side of the planet.

Meanwhile, Wonder Woman and Flash find Peppy in a search entirely devoid of suspense and take him back to the JLA Watchtower. He explains that, just like everyone else had already figured out, especially the poor readers of this crap, Peppy's "Book of Lol" says that humans aren't supposed to be the dominant life form on Earth, they've screwed up all kinds of things for themselves, what with pollution, war, famine, etc., and it sure as hell looked like everyone wanted to go extinct. The JLA tells him, nope, dude, we don't want to die, sorry.

Peppy doesn't have anywhere else to go (turns out he's the last surviving member of his race, which sure sounds like something we should've been told when this whole story started), so he decides to take his ship and go looking for somewhere else he could live. GL takes him back to the spaceship, but after he leaves, the ship blows up. Looks like a case of space monkey suicide. Tragic. At least it is for the readers who suffered through this.

Uncool Moments!
Oh god, did this story suck. As awful as O'Neil's story was, Tan Eng Huat's art was far, far worse. The shape of everyone's heads seemed to change from one panel to the next, which is okay for Plastic Man, but less okay for Green Lantern or the Flash. And as far as I can tell, no one has ever managed to draw a less hot Wonder Woman. And the dialogue was horrible. It would've made more sense if they'd written it in Leet Speek. Let's look at some of that dialogue, okay?

Uncool Quotes!
Wonder Woman, deflecting bullets during the riot: "I used to enjoy playing bullets-and-bracelets. Not much fun anymore. Either the world's changed -- or I have."

(This seems to be where Mr. O'Neil realized that he better do some character development, so he pretends Wonder Woman has an angst problem, which is a pretty original interpretation. Or it's just crap. What do you think?)

Green Lantern, boarding Peppy's spaceship with Superman: "He (Peppy) explained the ship's operation to us..."
Superman: "I think I remember what he told us."
Green Lantern: "Think? You know you remember. You're Superman."
Superman: "Oh, right."

(Oh, yeah, 'cause Superman can do anything, including remembering things! Truly, he is A WONDER OF THE FUCKING AGES!)

The Atom, after Peppy leaves for his spaceship: "I'm a little sorry to see him go."
Wonder Woman: "Me too."
Atom: "We could have learned a lot from him, but..."
Wonder Woman: "I have a different reason..."

(WHAT? WHAT?! What the hell is Wonder Woman's reason for wanting Peppy to stick around?! Does she think space monkeys are funny? Had he forgotten to pay pitch-in money for the keg? Was she bearing his baby space monkeys? Did you have any real reason in mind, Mr. O'Neil? Or did you just need to fill a fucking word balloon?!)

Final Grade: F

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