Ahh... the lifts. In stark contrast to Appleton Tower
's smarmy, condescending, artsy
lifts, these are lifts suited to the science and engineering campus. These are science
The JCMB lifts do not announce what floor they're on. They don't cheerfully inform you that they are 'lift going up
'. They stop. Without warning, or, seeingly, acceleration
. They just stop. Keeping a cup of coffee
in these lifts requires a lot of cup and ball
practice. Even keeping a cup of coffee down
is quite a feat.
The 'vulcan nerve pinch' is because the lifts don't have a 'close doors' button. I don't think they even have an 'open doors' button. It is a brave man who holds a lift in the JCMB... They're rumoured to take off limbs. To make the lift go, now
, without any arguement
, press the button for the current floor, and the desired floor at the same time - vulcan neck pinch
These lifts were produced by otis, but according to the control panels, one was made by
blotis, the other by
good. Who says nerds have no sense of humour...
And now, at great personal risk, I divulge the greatest secret of the JCMB - The one which we don't tell first-year
s because it's fun to see them wander around aimlessly. The rooms are numbered by floor, and then by corridor
. So room 6124 is on a different corridor to 6345, and 5124 is below 6124. Odd numbered corridors are perpendicular to even-numbered ones. Armed with this knowledge, you'll be able to find anywhere in the JCMB.
Just stay away from 'other level 1', that's where the temporal anomaly
that gives it its unique geometry (and cancels all mass
the lifts should have) lives.