Said Margaret Simon to her maker.

You know, I've said this much before, but jerk boys can be very fun crushes. They smell nice, they put out. Some of them wear colored contacts or something or have cataracts so when you look into their eyes you see light and come to wishfully-think they have souls.

Oh Lord, I'm fourteen again!

I'm standing here, lusting after a pretty face and a taut body, casting those little come-hither looks his way.

This is ridiculous. I'm a strong, independent, woman, not a giggling schoolgirl!

He's at the bar, leaning against it. All I have to do is walk over there, and buy a drink. Say something to him, even if it's only "Excuse me, please."

He's probably got one of those awful voices, squeaky, or drawly. He's probably married, or attached or gay, and the looks he's throwing back at me are probably astigmatism, not interest. He's probably a complete idiot. He may even work in advertising. Five minutes conversation, and I could put him out of my mind forever.

Or maybe he's a perfectly nice, normal, single guy who really is interested. A couple of words and we could cut to the chase, actually find out if we have something in common.

So, why am I standing here flirting with my eyes, and smiles? What am I afraid of?

Is it that I don't want my illusions shattered?

Is it that I'm scared of seeming pushy, or (gods forbid) desperate?

Is it.... oh gods, he's coming over here... I guess my questions are about to be answered

Whatever else he is, it seems he's braver than me.

Wish me luck.

Oh god, and here we go again ...

I do still remember those first impressions. The real ones, after the one where I drew my breath in sharp. and. short. and. painful. awestruck. swooning. After that. When he started to talk. Remember? I didn't like his words much. I didn't like his words or his opinions or his sense of anything, but look at those ears! the hair! the nose! lips! teeth! tongue!

And he spins a good yarn, and he tweaks a good smile, and he knows a good time and he dresses pretty sharp. He laughs like it's the only thing left, and he works at my smile like he can chip away bitchiness and oh did I mention the dimples? The cowlick? The freckles?

Uhm, yeah, so I know this isn't good for me and it isn't anything I want and, yeah, it's not so much that I like him as a person, but can I get carried away for a bit? I remember all the real parts of him but Yes I think I'm going to let myself get carried away for a bit.

"Beautiful" is almost as misused as "Love", it is always so much easier to fall for the pretty ones, but I know it is just the hair lips beautiful face and nothing else. I know this. It's just he's so       pretty. Painfully perfect.

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