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• grumbling dissertation on how everything would be much better if it all were to explode
• when I am King, we will have no such things, but, my lads, if the old king my father were dead, we would be all kings.
• If there were more people like you, there would be less people
• I set the alarm clock anyway, knowing I would be up all night
• We'd all be better off if shaking hands were making love, and children were found in the cabbage patch.
• This would be so dirty if we weren't all professionals
• The world would be in much better shape if our leaders were hamsters
• If language were liquid, it would be rushing in
• If anything were different, everything would be different
• people who were not to be trifled with; people who would dance, and had no notion of walking
• If we were all part of one big television show, seriously, you'd be a poorly written character
• If All Men Were Brothers, Would You Let One Marry Your Sister?
• Might be like leftovers. Would not taste the same, however sweet.
• If all you did was node, your writeups wouldn't be very interesting, would they?
• We need to keep fucking till we're all the same color
• How Can You Be in Two Places at Once When You're Not Anywhere at All?
• How to be strong for her, when all you want is to depend on her
• I wish I knew how it would feel to be free
• eternity would be boring
• If you were a perfume, your name would be "Butterflies"
• Never Again Would Birds' Song Be the Same
• How the Internet came to be: The birth of the ARPANET
• How can something be more beautiful than it is?
• Her self image was not the force field she imagined it to be
• The best kind of bartender
• I have to wonder how this can be a metaphor for my life
• Sometimes friendships were meant to be destroyed
• As if he knew that words were how I kissed
• Be cool in college
• Just to see what it would be like
• What if I had never met you? How much the poorer would my life have been.
• If I was any good at this, I would be getting paid
• All he wants to be is a 6-pack and a hot ass
• All Our Songs Sound The Same
• In all that you never were
• How can a thinking, rational adult be an atheist?
• A whimper would be fine
• No. 43: How Not To Be a Geek
• How to stay up all night if you've been up all day
• At night, all American cities look the same
• How I almost got shot all up full of holes
• I broke up with God and my girlfriend, all in the same week
• The Ten Commandments revised
• How can something so incredibly beautiful be so incredibly wrong?
• How to be a polite smoker in a non-smoking world
• I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library
• How to be Happy, Dammit
• How the Internet came to be: The birth of the Internet
• We do what we do because of who we are. If we did otherwise, we would not be ourselves.
• Sorrier than I ever thought I would be
• how can words exist and not be acceptable?
• How to be monstrously shallow
• We knew there would be kissing, and breasts
• How to be an asshole
• Her perception of how gorgeous she is will be evident in her lack of movement during sex
• I assumed we would not even be friends
• If there were a slight, let it be fulsome
• Spend an hour with us and you'll never be the same
• I would kiss you, but I don't know how to kiss
• Bright Star, Would I were Steadfast as Thou Art
• We Two, How Long We Were Fool'd
• The Tornado, or, how we almost all got killed.
• It's better to be alone than to wish you were
• how to be a friend
• It's not that we're more attractive in the darkness or that one of us may be drunk
• What would happen if an immovable object were confronted with an unstoppable force?
• All I could remember in the morning is that maybe there were wishing hands involved
• all I want to be is holding your hand
• How to be an improv musician
• How not to be a 15 year old JavaScript hack
• A kiss may not be the truth, but it is what we wish were true
• How the Internet came to be: The Internet takes off
• How to be a geek
• How to be a professional public transit passenger
• The next time they would come, I would not be here.
• he thought it would be great fun to conquer the world
• If the world were logical, men would ride sidesaddle
• How to be a Gangsta (in 5 simple steps)
• How To Be Good
• Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist
• Don't be an ass at a restaurant
• It is sad how many were torn off
• How long would utilities last if everyone disappeared tomorrow morning?
• Running toward the edge
• How to be happy for a certain period of time
• Being a good lab partner and dealing with a bad lab partner
• If it were a snake, it would have bit me
• We all start out with the same alphabet. We are all unique.
• How I invented Anna and made her a character in all my stories
• We're All Mad Here
• We're all still very different
• The pyre-light licks you as if you were an ice sculpture. Are all members of your sisterhood finished with bevels?
• How Would Jesus Drive?
• Thoughts on how religious proscriptions came to be
• God can't be all good and all powerful at the same time
• How to approach a developer who may well be working and ask him a question
• What would existence be like for a child born with no senses?
• How can a thinking, rational adult be a monotheist?
• How the Internet came to be: On scaling
• How we were, before you were
• It is like what we imagine knowledge to be: dark, salt, clear, moving, utterly free.
• how does it feel to be carried out to the trash?
• If this is how it's supposed to be, it's f****d up
• Statements that would be shocking to people living in 1985
• They all look the same
• once the coldest roads all led back to the same warm place
• How to be invisible
• Mind without body
• Goops and How to be Them
• How many glow worms were KIA?
• All the black jelly beans seem to be glued to the bottom of the bag
• we shall all be healed
• The universe was cold and dead and all the best aspects of humanity and its appreciation of the world were stored in electronic boxes
• How will you know you didn't get it all wrong?
• How to herd people in public
• Why Star Trek: Series V would be a bad thing
• How to Be Alone
• How the inside of the mind would look from a purely abstract point of view
• All That You Love Will Be Carried Away
• Weak and desperate from decades of commuting the djinn would barter all for coffee and a friendly ear (fiction) mp3 (recording)
• How a suicide made me wish I were Superman
• How to be a Romantic Poet
• How the Internet came to be: On use by other networks
• How to be a badass
• One must trust in the law, and keep within the heart the knowledge that the law of this world is the same right and just law that governed us when we were merely stars.
• Things you would bring with you if you were ever invited to shower with jessicapierce
• I know that all the cannabis activists would like you to believe differently but
• Be you all pleas'd, your pleasures grieve not me
• All scientific theories will eventually be disproved
• Son, do you know how fast you were going?
• Lesbian Robot Vampires : All Shall Be Victorias, None Shall Survive
• All the things she had at one point wanted to be
• She told me I looked like a Henry, and this is how she would know me
• This must be the night when I remember how to fly, when the breeze catches my weight at last
• Do you remember how small your body was when you were five?
• How to be a convincing teenage girl on IRC
• Why would a lapsed Catholic want to be married in the church?
• How we were, before we were
• How to be a good evil villain
• How my plans to sell someone's soul on eBay were foiled
• all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well
• How to be a good motorcycle passenger
• How to Be a Charismatic Cult Leader
• Cyclists : Be kind to pedestrians
• How Pikachu would sing "A Bushel And a Peck"
• It is not our noise at all, but we are lucky to be listening
• The "that music all sounds the same" fallacy
• All of her seconds were unencumbered
• Why don't you just rip my heart out, it would be quicker and less painful
• How complex can a public toilet be?
• How to be a fuck-up
• How to tell whether a figure can be drawn in one stroke
• How to be Exceptionally Friendly
• If ifs and ands were pots and pans there'd be no work for tinkers
• How to be a street musician
• How to be a lardass
• Life without music would be a mistake
• All hardware should be emulated in software
• All I ever wanted to be
• How the hell am I supposed to be romantic?
• How to be the first one off the line at a 4-way stop sign
• How to speak about women and be politically incorrect
• How to be a Jackass in your own home
• I thought that I wanted this. I didn't realize it would be so hollow
• Questions I would ask my born-again sister, if we were still talking
• How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
• All the while he was talking she was thinking what his whiskers would feel like on the back of her neck
• Education is evil. Knowledge is evil. Be a moron. Forget how to spell.
• The Man Who Would Be King
• How it feels to be interviewed (when you know the answers)
• How To Be Happy In A Sad, Sad World
• Your noise would not be missed here.
• Would you know if you were insane?
• How it would happen
• Beautiful that war and all its deeds of carnage must in time be utterly lost
• Your words are delicious and enticing, and I would save them all like love letters
• You will be a tear-stained diary entry, and it will have been all your fault
• How to tell a girl just wants to be friends
• It is never too late to be what you would have been
• He made me promise I would do this when I was next sad. So I promised myself I would not be sad again.
• In the future, all turds will be perfectly round
• How do cows get all their nutrients, when they only eat grass?
• How can vitality be achieved in figure painting?
• If I had called you, would you still be dead?
• Children are the same all around the world
• That would be me
• How to be a backstabber
• How to get Apache to be a bit more secretive
• How to request that your writeup be deleted
• If I was the ocean, what would you be to me?
• If this were in person, I would have kissed her now
• so that all her children will be adventurers in light
• I knew before I met you just how we would end
• It's just the three of us - you, me, and all that stuff we're so scared of
• Please tell me it will all be okay.
• How can idealism be a bad thing?
• How to tell when a guy just wants to be friends

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