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Here's the stuff we found when you searched for "If you teach your kids to put bagels in microwaves, I will not be responsible for the consequences"

• The guy who may as well already be dead and therefore doesn't care about the consequences of his actions and is able to move with perfect freedom for the remainder of what will likely be a tragically short life
• Your first writeup will be nuked: Don't give up
• All will be devoured within the jaws of terrible time
• Laugh now, because tomorrow I will be ten stories tall and I could just step on you if I want
• I assume I am a visionary. You will not be able to convince me otherwise.
• When I stop going there, I will be well.
• I will be the first thing you will be thinking about after you wake
• When the log rolls over we will all be dead
• Ah, if you should turn out to be a fairy I don't think I'd put you in a jar
• Will warez and filesharing be the salvation of freedom?
• Do not put pets in the microwave to dry them
• If we define things as unreal, they may still be real in their consequences
• False psychics in Florida will be charged with perjury
• After today, for two people, the world will never be the same
• I will always be weird inside
• In twenty years your favorite song will be playing in an elevator
• You will be assimilated
• This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum
• Time travel, as I think of it, will never be invented
• Oh, oh, you will be sorry for that word!
• Questions you will be asked when you study Chinese
• This is not a joke. It won't be easy. We will rule the world.
• I will put Chaos into fourteen lines
• Will the Atomic Bomb Ever Be Perfected, and If So, What Becomes of Robert Heinlein?
• When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea.
• We won't die secret deaths anymore. The world only spins forward. We will be citizens.
• If you tolerate this your children will be next
• To be this good will take Sega ages
• Why Deeahblita will never be late again
• Never give an order you know will not be obeyed
• This Train Will Be Taking No Passengers
• Spiral, spin, ride the whirlwind, knowing when the drumming stops, there will be no second dance
• Soon I Will Be Invincible
• The sky will hold them. They will be an ocean apart.
• What happens when you put a bisected grape in a microwave oven
• If you behave there will be cake for the miscreants we call your brothers
• node that will be my legacy
• Men And Women Will Never Be The Same
• so that all her children will be adventurers in light
• In the future, hairstyles will be just like they are now
• Siberia will teach
• This poem can be put off no longer
• Carl Everett
• Who Will Be There
• the world will be remade in our image
• Boys will be boys
• When will Linux be a good gaming platform?
• Will I cease to be
• There will be no more stories to read
• It takes a man to teach a man to be a man.
• I will be hard and silver and pure without fear.
• The monsters of the past will be long forgotten by the time the general populace is ever forgiven
• I fear I will be nothing
• The next life will be better
• I was not made for love songs, and love songs will never be made for me.
• being thrown into the ocean, if nothing else, will teach you how to swim
• When we finally fall, it will be fast and sure
• Survivors will be prosecuted
• Even the dead will not be safe
• If it be your will
• Anything you say can and will be used against you. (e2poll)
• Her perception of how gorgeous she is will be evident in her lack of movement during sex
• The end will be a sellout
• I am not wrong. I will not be mended.
• I have a feeling it will be in my dreams
• non-standard analysis will never be mainstream
• Pokemon evolution isn't evolution
• Everything Quest: You kids stop your fighting or I will turn this car around so help me God
• This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down
• Oh sneff, will you be my cook, my thief, my wife, and my lover?
• Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
• There will never be another you
• Questions will be asked...AND DESTROYED! BY ANSWERS!
• The war with the machines will not be fought on a battlefield
• Everything will be alright
• X is the Y of the future, and always will be
• And it's one more good thing that will never be again
• There will be time, there will be time, to prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet
• You touched me when I needed to be touched, and for that I will hold you in my heart forever
• It will be in Georgia. It will be Taipei.
• Be careful where you put your laptop
• You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part
• The Revolution will be televised
• Will I be allowed back in the building?
• There will be time
• The Rock Revolution Will Not Be Televised
• It Will Always Be Here For You
• In the movie of his life, the part of Keanu Reeves will be played by a block of wood, and the critics will pan it for being too expressive
• What life after death will really be like
• Nothing new about Ancient Greece will be learned until the Vatican is plundered
• If you tolerate this piss then your bitter will be next
• All That You Love Will Be Carried Away
• Will you please be quiet, please?
• If the earth won't be still, than I will.
• Someday, I will be strong
• Kid, be a kid
• And there will be whores and rumors of whores
• You will be a tear-stained diary entry, and it will have been all your fault
• Making kids is free. The rest will cost you.
• World peace is a beautiful dream that will never be achieved by the human race
• She tells stories as if she knows what the ending will be.
• when I am King, we will have no such things, but, my lads, if the old king my father were dead, we would be all kings.
• If I ever have kids, I will kick the TV in and hurl it out the window
• This is the kind of English up with which I will not put
• Can the Circle Be Unbroken?
• We are aiming for the worst and it will not be that bad.
• But, my dear sir, if you educate them, they will no longer be Baptists
• Someday we will all be crude oil and diamonds
• In the future everyone will be world-famous for fifteen minutes
• If I can just get Mike to the 24-hour Whipper-Snapper, I will be okay.
• The strengths that opposed your will shall be obedient fire in your blood
• Maybe someday I'll be an M&M the color of your eyes
• My RPG will be a work of art
• Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it
• On the comet there will be much pie
• Marks which will never be broken
• These trains will be the death of me yet
• the road ahead will be bumpy
• Please tell me it will all be okay.
• The Teach Yourself to be a Dummy in 24 Hours Bible
• Who Will Survive, and What Will Be Left of Them?
• When I rise it will be with the ranks, and not from the ranks
• my promise is broken—words will never be over
• When, if ever, will there be permanent peace in the Balkans?
• I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library
• When my boat comes in, you will be the first to board
• In case of rapture, this vehicle will be unmanned
• A child who will clearly grow up to be as demented as me
• When left long enough, students will always discuss cartoons they watched as kids
• This will be the hardest thing you ever do
• I will be your Berlin Wall, and I will never fall
• The staircase will be firm and the ceiling above will shatter under my fingertip
• Teaching kids greater and less than
• Three people who are spies and a horse who will also be a spy
• We try to be friendly here. Those who are not friendly will be shot.
• I will make your oppressors eat their own flesh and they shall be drunk with their own blood like wine
• I will always be in the details
• "Gathered together we will be", intoned Yoda
• all the cute guys will be there
• I will go. I shall go. I'll see where the end may be.
• In the future, all turds will be perfectly round
• Job applications with spelling errors will be thrown away
• Maybe when we drown the fish will be our friends
• Your first relationship will be nuked: Don't give up
• They will not be named!
• I will ever be your combustive tablature of igneous geometries
• All scientific theories will eventually be disproved
• Everything will be required of us, and everything will be given
• It will be a hot day and these two ice cubes. We will melt, become one.
• Will the Circle Be Unbroken?
• My subconscious is much smarter than I will ever be
• I will be your young sinner
• The sound of the violin will always be the sound of my disintegrating marriage
• Will I be given that chance?
• Some teachers shouldn't be allowed to teach
• As you graduate from college, you are the most conservative you will ever be
• Pay attention, this will be important later
• There Will Be Blood
• You're not going to be happy until you put someone's eye out
• I secretly admire Cruella De Vil. PETA will be kicking down my door any second.
• She teaches a night class. Psychology 100, to be precise.
• Someday, someone will be here unearthing my bones
• One day, E2 will attain sentience. And I'll be there to see it.
• life is short, life is shit, and soon it will all be over
• The revolution will not be televised
• This Will Be Laughing Week
• You will be wrong. Embrace it.
• The revolution will not be webcast
• I will be in my trailer!
• she's the reason the dust i finally leave will be better than the dust i came from
• throw them away; there will be individually-wrapped replacements
• You will know your action. You are present there, not thinking of somewhere else you ought to be.
• The television will not be revolutionized
• There will be nobody there to shed a tear
• Accept this, and your next breath will be infinitely sweeter.
• there will be a last
• I will be light
• i've lost the ability to be truly bored
• Real hackers start their own IRC networks so that they can't be traced by the FBI
• How to tell when your dog just wants to be friends
• I want to be sexy too!
• Where would America be without Canada?
• Things that could be
• If you have to scream to be heard, you have nothing profound to say
• If this was an Olympic Sport, I'd be world champion
• I wouldn't be here if my judgement wasn't clouded
• Should there be a statute of limitations on being a jerk?
• Why you don't deserve to be a professor
• I want to be a cog
• homosexuals can be Roman Catholic priests
• How the Moon Came to Be
• When you know things are just meant to be
• Secret wish: To be identical to the ocean
• Overpopulation won't be a problem
• This is a place to be wary of

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