12/14/2001 - "I wish I had something worth hiding."

On the phone last night, Kate's words were confusing to me. Did she mean physically? Emotionally? Physically, apparently.

I never wish for something to hide. Hiding things will only cause problems later on. Having something to hide implies that if it is found trouble will ensue. And, trouble is bad. Drugs, weapons, revealing writings, or stolen gooods, for example.

Emotionally revealing writings
Emotions should not be hidden!

That worries me, when people hide their real feelings. Share them. With anyone who will listen, with people you care about, with people you don't even know. Hiding what you feel inside just complicates things. Don't fuck up a relationship or a friendship because you're afraid of being honest.

It's just not smart.

I always had the impression that the policy of total honesty turns easily into a policy of brutal honesty. And that one buys his own moral comfort at the price of clobbering other people's feelings.
Especially in a relationship, you will learn the things that are more painful to the other person. You will learn her/his dark past (we all have a little bit of darkness in our past).

And the Person, the SO, will be -in a measure at least- at your mercy. You know that she was dumped by another dude because he thought she was a hick; or that, as a kid, they taunted him because he was fat.
This is why, nowadays, when he asks you "Do I look good in this shirt ?" or when she says "Gee, I had never heard about this dude Wittgenstein before" - this, my friends, is the moment to shut the fuck up and eat your precious honesty and hide your thoughts. And lie. Lie with abandon, lie with a smile on your face, say "Wow, you look gorgeous", say "Ah, he is an obscure philosopher, nearly unknown".

Lying about yourself, as well, can be a healthy practice. Do you really want the whole mess to come out ? It may be a temporary solution, maybe in some years you will reveal all.
But I am sure that Little George Washington's disability was a very severe one. His subsequent success in politics indicates that he could overcome it.

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