my hands were, are still, shaking and i couldn't hold on to anything
except those handles.. the bike's, that is, and i rode it lazily around the driveway with little effort. it's a smooth ride for the most part, and i made a conscious effort to avoid hitting the car every time i passed the deck. i was staring at the ground
, though, and the air was so thick with fog that it would envelope my glasses every so often, i just closed my tired eyes
those times when i wouldn't have seen anyway.
i went towards the barn, i thought maybe.. i'd see the moon above the lilac tree
where it sometimes seems to rest upon the upper branches on nice evenings. i hadn't thought of the fog, though, and realized i'd not be able to see the stars or moonbeams bathing the night with a subtle glow. it was still there, though, it just had a sort of dim presence about it. the night is not terribly dark
, and the street lights hit my driveway just enough for it not to matter if it were.
it was kind of odd when my eyes were open
, because i just stared at the ground passing beneath me, and i didn't watch what was in front of me at all, as per usual. the second time i went back towards the barn, after i'd circled around and hit the grass just a little, careful to avoid any frog
life, i noticed that the car wasn't actually in the place it is usually parked so neatly, tucked in beside the deck. i remembered they'd moved it to allow for grass cutting. i had been so sure i almost hit it a few times, but it wasn't there at all
i didn't even notice the night when i walked out the back door, i hadn't taken in the fact
that rain must have poured at some point tonight to create such fog and the little puddles i splashed through, the ones that sort of woke me up to the world.
i hadn't noticed
, i felt like whispering to night bugs, help me because i hadn't noticed.. someone should be with me these times
. i know this but, they weren't and i walked to the end of the lane and stood beneath the street light and i thought of you. just then, for a moment, you were there and i smiled one of those smiles that can only be when achingly beautiful thoughts float around in my head