At least that's the impression that I get
from the guys I've known. In a way it could be a compliment, as though my looks are not a type or set pattern. I've always been the default
version of the girl they were looking for, the one they ended up with once they got to know me.
I admit I focus too much on the fact that I'm a brunette, that I'm not pretty in the ways that would catch your eye across the room. No matter what anyone tells me, I feel plain. My personality might make up for that self short sight, or at least I hope so. Most guys I run into have at least one blonde ex who is stunning in that slim way, the way that defies gravity. In fact, it's hard to tell how I met the guys I've met, since we'd never been in the same place to cross paths very often. Well, when I frequented bars, I could tell you; that's an easy one. But after I stopped going out to bars, the guys I've met have been either online or at work, the two places you'll be sure to find me for long spaces of time. That's how I know I wouldn't have met them any other way, because they either don't live in the city or don't end up in common areas where I can be found these days.
Because I consider myself to be plain, I look at cosmetic changes as being ways to alter my plain-ness. When I wear eyeliner, or change one thing about my looks, everyone takes notice, which leads me to believe that my face is a tabula rasa so that even one smudge of paint on the empty canvas of my face is so significant that people are tempted to go too far into depth into the reasons behind it. When I shaved my head, everyone asked me why I did it, as if I needed a barrage of reasons to change my looks so drastically. In the rare moments I wear makeup, people ask me what the special occasion is. This makes me way too sensitive and analytical. I either get told I look better without makeup or when I do, it's this unfairly overfocused act.
I'm convinced that this wouldn't come up with people if I was more a type, more someone's type as I am.
As it is, I take advantage of my plain face so I can slip into the background, since I often enjoy being a wallflower. I try to change that when I want to be different as best as I can, within my own limits of what I am willing to do. Some people might say that I should be thankful to have unique features, that I should be happy that I do not look like everyone else. And maybe sometimes I am, but often I wish I was so that maybe I could believe people when they say I'm beautiful.
I do like the off center compliments I get, the parts that perhaps people don't focus on when they have a face type to focus on. I've been told I have graceful neck or a nice stomach, or a cute nose, or that my eyes are a striking shade of green. To me, those are the compliments that are really going to count anyway, simple because I can't see much of anything else.