It must've been a cold, October morning when, over 2 years ago now, I walked into the open-air "smoking gazebo" on my campus. I took out my trusty pack of Camel Lights, along with my equally-trusty Bic lighter. As there were 3 other people in the gazebo, the Law of Averages came into play: Someone asked to bum a cigarette.

As I took out another cigarette to give him one, he commented on the brand. "Thank God for Camels, man," he croaked, as he lit up (having also borrowed my lighter), "they're one of the few cigarettes left that still use a cotton filter."

"Oh, yeah?" I muttered absently, as I got down to the deathly serious business of smoking.

"Yeah, man," the bum went on. "Most cigarettes use fiberglass filters these days, but these are made of cotton."

Silence, for a minute or so.

And then, with great gravity, he said, "I ain't smokin' no fiberglass."

Someone on the other side of the gazebo must've heard him, and felt the urge to speak up. He must've been some kind of fiberglass-cigarette-filter-representative, ala Clerks, for he said: "Actually, fiberglass is a better filter. It gets more of the impurities out of the smoke than cotton does, so it's really healthier for you."

Dumbfoiled, the bum glanced from the representative, to me, to his feet, then back to me. Shaking his head, with a grin on his face, he said again the words that haunt me to this day: "I ain't smokin' no fiberglass."

It seemed a sensible-enough statement at the time. Of course cotton would be nicer to smoke through than fiberglass. I mean, I know what cotton is, but what the hell is fiberglass? Who cares, anyway...I have this cigarette to smoke.

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