I started crying when I read
For Christmas, I Made My Mom Cry. I cried because it was so sweet, because it was
beautful.
Love between people is so beautiful, I always feel like I can never be that beautiful.
It reminded me of the time daddy and I went shopping for my mom for Christmas one year. He loved to give people things, he was always trying to surprise all of us. I loved him for that.
The story also reminded me of how a month or so after my dad passed away my mom bought my sister and I a diamond solitaire necklace and told us, "It's from daddy." That was so like what he would do...
And once I start crying I just can't stop.
It's four o'clock in the morning and I just saw the most horrible thing on television. I'm watching VH1 for some reason and the video for a song called "Kryptonite" was on, and there was an old man in his apartment, right...so I start thinking about how lonely he looks and how sad it must be to be old and lonely. Young and lonely sucks, but at least there's a future when you're young (if you're lucky). When you're old, you're lonely because people who you've loved are gone. Your wife is dead, so are your parents, possibly siblings as well. You have kids who don't care or live far away. So in the video, the old man sees a whore being hit by her pimp and gets angry, so he puts on this obscene "superhero" costume and starts limping around outside chasing the pimp. He gets accosted by random people on the street in pursuit, and when he finally knocks the pimp down at the end of the video, he looks at the camera and gives it a thumbs up, but the way it's shot is so...demeaning. I can't describe the disgust it filled me with. I see a person and then they make him into some kind of comic creature to be mocked.
I know that's just a music video, but at that moment it's everything...and so horrible. Every person just wants love...
I don't want my mom to be lonely. I'm so scared that she will be. My sister leaves for university in less than a year. Why did my dad have to die? She shouldn't have to be alone, they should get to enjoy a few years together, just the two of them. They were really close to that. People should always die together, in their sleep, at the age of ninety or so after a nice meal after watching a beautiful sunset together over a glass of wine on the back porch. No one should be old and alone.
I want to reach out and touch every lonely soul in the world. An impossible task, I know, but I feel as if I can't stop crying until I do.