(We take you now to the Oval Office, after Hu Jintao is named chief of the Chinese Communist Party.)



G.W. Bush*: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condoleeza Rice*: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

G.W. Bush: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

G.W. Bush: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

G.W. Bush: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

G.W. Bush: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

G.W. Bush: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

G.W. Bush: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

G.W. Bush: The Chinaman!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

G.W. Bush: Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

G.W. Bush: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That's the man's name.

G.W. Bush: That's who's name?

Condi: Yes.

G.W. Bush: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

G.W. Bush: Yasser? Yasser Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

G.W. Bush: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

G.W. Bush: Yasser is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

G.W. Bush: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

G.W. Bush: Yasser?

Condi: No, sir.

G.W. Bush: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary-General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

G.W. Bush: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

G.W. Bush: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

G.W. Bush: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

G.W. Bush: Not Yasser! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

G.W. Bush: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

G.W. Bush: Who is the guy at the U.N.?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

G.W. Bush: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

G.W. Bush: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.!

Condi: Kofi.

G.W. Bush: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi: Rice, here.

G.W. Bush: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?



- Jim Sherman, 2002. The document is public domain, courtesy the Harpsichord Listserv.

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