As a big dork
, I have become adept
at recognizing the signs
that indicate that a girl will never have sex with you
. Under these circumstances
, if you make any indication
that you would like it otherwise, if you tip your hand
, you will never see her again
. Most people who aren't as paranoid
as I am when it comes to relationships
are not familiar with these signs. I am here to help ruin your confidence
and show you just how the woman of your dreams
is likely to act if you ever meet her. Enjoy!
- She spends time with you, but only if it's very convenient for her.
- She sits next to you, but only when she likes everybody else a little less.
- If there's an activity she enjoys doing, like jogging or working out, she does it with you. However, she politely declines most forms of follow-up activity, like going back to your house for a drink or stopping for some lunch.
- She talks a lot about other guys that she's been hanging out with, talking to, and/or fucking.
- You're hanging out with her and she sees a guy she kind of knows, gives him her number, and tells you about how excited she is to spend some time with him.
- You try to kiss her and she kicks you in the balls.
- You give her a ride home, she hugs you goodnight, and then she kicks you in the balls.
- She has sex with you and then she calls the cops.
- She kicks you in the balls.
Hopefully this list will come in handy for those guys out there who keep getting kicked in the balls and don't know why.