There are a number of theories as to how one should name their artichoke, the primary explications being the "one name" theory and the "first and middle initial" theory. Naturally, all artichokes being brothers, they share the last name, "Choke." But it is what precedes this which differentiates the battling schools of thought.

The one name theory proceeds from the view that all artichokes should be named some variation of "Arthur" -- "Artie" for short. Popular variations include "Arturo" and "Artemis" as well as, simply, "Art."

The first and middle initial theory proposes that all artichokes should possess a first name beginning with the letter "R" and a middle name beginning with the letter "T," and should properly be addressed by these initials: "R. T. Choke." This view, though initially deemed scandalous, instantly promised a far greater variety of potential total names for ones's artichokes, though it is observed that the most popular by far remain "Robert Thomas Choke," followed by "Roger Theodore Choke."

A third, minor school of thought permits one's artichoke to have a first name of "Art," or some other variation of "Arthur," abbreviated as "Art," and a middle name beginning with a "T" so that the final construction is one of "Art T. Choke." While it is noted that this preserves the ancient tradition of naming one's artichoke for a variation of "Arthur," it removes from this practice the usage of "Artie" -- which some see as overly casual and familiar, lacking the requisite seriousness accompanying the staid tenor of this solemnly important vegetable.

But whatever name one chooses to give one's artichoke, the thing to remember is that the naming of one's artichoke is a vital symbol of human respect for the contribution of the plant to the well-being of all mankind.

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