Before we start, you must understand that the Laying of the Smack Down is intended to be the very final word on any matter. Below are the steps necessary for a proper Laying of the Smack Down.

Be Right

Arguing the correct answer is the start of any Smack Down. It is not important whether your position truly is the correct and appropriate one, what is important is that you are absolute in your conviction of your position and that you would rather be [struck dead where you stand than give up said position.

Discredit All Opposing Arguments

Some opponents who are attempting to Lay their own Smack Down on you will try and dredge up facts such as "The World Book Encyclepedia says tapeworms can grow up to 36 feet in length" or eyewitnesses "My buddy down at the corner saw your car at her place last night" and even people who are not directly witnesses but at least heard about something similar once happening to a distant relative of a neighbor they moved away from ten years ago "My cousin talked to this guy on the internet who's over in Napel or some place like that and he said that a friend of his saw your sister watching my other cousins sisters boyfriend making out with a gerbil last night".

The proper responses to evidence such as this can vary. For example, if they have given you the World Book response, show them how wrong books can be: "World Book Encyclepedia? Don't you know that thing is written by Mormons who want to take over the world? Of course they're going to print the wrong information." The best way to deal with eyewitnesses is to attack them directly: "Your buddy? Is that the same buddy that I saw macking on your significant other at the party the other night? You know they're full of excrement!". For the long distance witness, you will have to be more creative in your discredit attempt: "Napel? That ain't no country, your cousin is lying."

Do Not be Afraid to Get Loud

No matter how the argument is progressing, Getting Loud is a surefire way to escalate it and put the power back in your hands. Getting Loud is perfectly appropriate at any point in the argument, from beginning to end, and can be asserted in even the most private of circumstances, such as Church Service or while dining in a Fine Resteraunt. Getting Loud immediately informs those around you that your position is the stronger one, thus giving you their immediate support in your approach. Do not be fooled by any "shhhh" or dirty looks that you receive, some people have trouble expressing their full support without some sort of noise or expression. Your opponent will probably attempt to match your move when Getting Loud and try to Get Loud themselves. The only way to counter is to Get Louder as eventually one of you will have to give up the Loud portion of the match, thus leaving the victor in control.

Know when you have Won

Some people will capitulate quickly under the tactics noted above but you have not really won until you say the argument is over. Your opponent may be walking off to escape the argument, waving their hands frantically to try and calm you down or laying unconcious on the floor from either exhaustion or a mean left hook, but they are not the ones in power of the argument. If they have gone silent, they have effectively surrendered and now is the time to burn the villages and steal the sheep, so to speak. Strut, lay a few "You know I'm right"s down, Getting Loud is appropriate at this time as well since those around you may not have realized your victory yet. Let them know and when you are completely satisfied with your victory, then you let it end.

That is how you Lay the Smack Down

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