This is not How to Do Speed, or How to Make Speed. In fact, it has nothing to do with the amphetamine speed at all. This is about speeding. As in, driving faster than the speed limit. And ostensibly, how to do it without getting caught.

First of all, I'm not condoning the act of speeding at all. It IS a minor infraction of the law. However, since I think most speed limits are stupid, I tend to bend them a bit. This is what I do. It seems to work, as so far in my 3 years of driving, I have never gotten a speeding ticket.

First Rule of Speeding : Never talk about speeding
Just kidding. The first rule of speeding is to always know the road you're on. There are some roads where you can drive as FAST as you POSSIBLY can and never worry yourself about being pulled over. In the northeast region, examples of these are RT-9 in Massachusetts, and RT-128 / I-95 from where I-95 spawns off I-495 all the way to Boston. I have never seen ANYONE pulled over for speeding on these roads. The State Police are too busy trying to help the people who are too stupid to drive in traffic to pull anyone over.

Second Rule of Speeding : Don't speed TOO much
Seriously. If you're going 20 mph over the speed limit, you chance getting pulled over. If you're only going 19 mph over the speed limit, you're fairly safe.

Third Rule of Speeding : Keep your Eyes Peeled
If a cop sees you slow down when he's clocking you, he knows you're paying attention, and probably aren't going to get in an accident. Don't slam on your brakes, though, this is asking for trouble.. just gently coast towards the speed limit. And if you see a cop and you're only going 5-10 mph over the speed limit, don't BOTHER SLOWING down. He won't bother with the likes of you.

Fourth Rule of Speeding : Ignore Busy Cops
If a cop has pulled someone else over, he's not going to pull YOU over unless you cruise by at a considerably faster speed than the guy he pulled over. And if the cop is busy watching over a construction site or an accident, he's DEFINITELY not going anywhere. He's being paid to keep those people safe.

Fifth Rule of Speeding : Know the Traps
Know the road you're driving to endanger on well enough to know where the cops are hiding. If you drive it a dozen times, you should be able to have spotted all the peal-out marks on the grass in the median where cops gave chase, for example. There are obvious ones too -- U-Turn spots on divided highways are ALWAYS trouble. Slow down a bit before these if you can't see past the bushes, or what have you. The New York Thruway is especially notorious for hiding State Police in the U-Turns.

Sixth Rule of Speeding : The White Rabbit
If someone passes you going the speed you'd *like* to be going, pull out behind them. Follow them for as long as you like, ESPECIALLY if they're a bright red or yellow sportscar and you're driving a gray SAAB. (like me) The cop will ALWAYS pull over that pricey sportscar just out of spite before he pulls your boring gray car over.

Radar Detectors
Just_a_guy asked me to mention them, so I will. I don't own one. The pros of owning one are that ostensibly you can tell when a cop up ahead has his radar gun out AND ON. This is kinda a moot point if he is intelligently picking off cars -- because if you're detecting the radar then, it means he probably just tagged you. You will also tend to pick up radar "noise" from other things -- like the Reduce Speed signs at the end of I-290 where it meets I-495. They have radar clockers on them that let them know when to blink over and over again, "Reduce Speed", but they don't pass out tickets, thankfully. As for Laser, well, even with a laser detector, if you hear the buzz it makes when you get HIT with a laser speed clocker, you're already screwed. Seriously, by the time you hear the buzzer, he already knows you were going 90 in a 55. Now Radar / Laser Jammers on the other hand, although somewhat illegal in many states, are an example of a very good idea but with a poor implementation. What it ends up telling the detector in the cop's hand is that you're going 30 and 90 at the same instant. He'll KNOW that you're fucking with him.. but he can't really do too much about it.. except pull you over for something else and use it as an excuse to harass you. Which, as we all know, you might as well just get the ticket and get over it. Not only that, but if he pulls you over and SEES the jammer / detector in your car, you'll be twice as screwed because he'll know you were trying to not get caught speeding.

That's all I have for now. Any more ideas, /msg me, or write up below.. and I'll let you all know when I get my first speeding ticket so you can count all this advice for naught. =c)

As an emergency tactic, if you do happen to get pulled over, and you're facing a really nasty ticket, there is a little trick I've tried, and a few of my friends swear by it as well. Say you left your license at home. In most cases, and if you're polite, the pig will just give you a ticket for not having your license on you (which is no points), and forget about the moving violation (which could be lots of points). I got pulled over once by a state trooper for going 75 in a 55, and told him that I had moved, and had not notified the MVA yet. He let me off with a $30 ticket for it. If I had gotten the speeding ticket, it would have been about $130 and 2 points.

The only risk is, if the particular cop in your situation is an asshole, he may give you 2 tickets. I guess that would suck, but if you really need to avoid the points, it's probably worth the risk (and it's still a lot less risky than bribery, and easier to go through with than sexual favors).

Just some add-ons:

Know your obscure state laws - For example, in Alabama a ticket is void if you were braking when the cop passed and/or clocked you.

Stay in the left lane - most cops will hide out on the side of the road, which will leave the rightmost lane the most exposed. Also, the right lane is where cars get on/off side-roads, so it is a lot more accident-prone. On the interstate as well as city-roads and highways, speeding in the right lane is just asking for it.

Aside from those two, Alexzander is right about keeping your eyes peeled - during daytime, it's fairly easy to spot cop cars from a distance with any practice - look out for Ford Tauruses and Lincolns, memorize their headlight shapes and focus on the roof (sirens). At night, look for break-lights ahead announcing the passing of a cop car. Also, look out for on-ramps when traveling on the interstate. Many a time will a cop race down an on-ramp and fly through the first two clusters of cars to pick off the speeders, this is especially true within city limits. Watch your backs and be safe.

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